Goofy Stuff To Make You Snort

Original

What fascinates me is how this illustrates what they percieve as being in the realm of my 'power.' I control the food, I control the door, sure, but my cats love to sit on the balcony in the sun, and it has happened plenty of times that on a rainy day they come get me, go to the balcony and show me... the rain. "Please fix this" they say. "Please get rid of the wet"

here's a thought:

Let Me Count the Ways ask game

(specifically '03 animeverse) Prompt: "Are you just going to keep walking by my house or are you going to come in?"

“Did he come back?”

Peering through the tiny slit of the curtains, Maes spotted the small figure standing under the streetlight. No red coat, no braid, no swagger. Just a twelve-year-old boy dressed in black, hands stuffed into pockets as he stared up at their house. “Yeah.”

“That's the third time,” Gracia yawned from the bed.

“It's like he's...too embarrassed to come knock on the door, but he wants to,” Maes murmured, watching the way Ed just stood there, scuffing his shoe against the ground and not moving on.

With a sigh, Gracia sat up. “Well, either call him inside or come back to bed.”

Maes looked over his shoulder at her and smiled, his heart warming at the sight of her. Even with tousled hair and huge bags under her eyes, exhausted from the demands of a certain little someone asleep in the next room, Gracia looked so beautiful. It was tempting to just crawl back under the covers and drift off to sleep again, but something told him he wouldn't be able to rest until he knew why Edward Elric was standing outside his house in the middle of the night.

Call it the Investigations officer in him. Or maybe the father.

As he passed by the bed on the way to the door, Gracia got up and reached for her housecoat. Maes held out a hand to stop her. “No—I can talk to him, hon. You need your sleep.”

Ignoring him, Gracia stepped into her slippers. “I'll make some hot chocolate.”

When she made to step past him, he stopped her with a kiss. “You're the best.”

With a sweet smile, she patted him on the cheek. “I know.”

And so, while Gracia headed to the kitchen, Maes opened the front door and stepped outside. Belatedly, he realized just how cold it was and regretted going outside in bare feet with nothing but his teddy bear-printed pajamas between him and the chill night air.

Ed was just on the other side of the fence now, frozen in place like a rabbit about to bolt. Maes couldn't read his expression from this distance in the dark. Raising a hand in welcome, he called out, “Are you just going to keep walking by my house, or are you going to come in?”

Slowly, dragging his feet the whole way, Ed opened the gate and slouched his way up to the door. “Sorry,” he mumbled. “Didn't mean to wake you up....”

“Never mind that,” Maes said, ushering him through the door. “Just get inside; it's freezing out there.”

Flipping on the lights to fill the room with a warm, cheery light, Maes guided Ed through to the living room and pushed on his shoulders to make him sit down on the couch. As Maes sat down beside him, he got a better look at the disheveled boy.

Huge circles under his eyes, like he hadn't slept in a week. Hollow cheeks, like he hadn't been eating right. His hair was tangled, not even held back in a ponytail. Instead of his usual brash confidence, Ed's shoulders slumped and he stared listlessly at the floor.

“Where's Al?” Maes asked. Best to start with the basics.

Ed shrugged. “With Winry.”

“Winry...oh, right, your girlfriend.” Maes waited for a reaction, but didn't get any. That concerned him more than anything yet. “They know you're here?”

Another shrug. “Went for a walk. Needed to clear my head.”

Maes nodded. Those boys had been through a lot lately, what with tracking down Barry the Chopper and also the whole Tucker situation. It made perfect sense that Ed wasn't his usual self. “Is it helping?”

Ed shook his head. A minute of silence passed while Maes waited for Ed to say more and Ed just stared at the floor.

Maybe he just needed more of an opening. “So how come you ended up on my doorstep tonight, Ed?” he asked softly. “It's a pretty long walk from your hotel. Did you...want to talk to me about something?”

“Yeah...no...I don't know.” Ed sighed, dropping his chin into his hand.

Maes's detective brain started whirring away as he looked at the slump of Ed's shoulders, the way he hung his head and didn't look Maes in the eye. Here he was, in the dead of night, clearly wanting comfort or at least a listening ear...and he wasn't with his brother or his childhood friend. Al and Winry were probably the two people he would normally turn to first for comfort and understanding, as they'd known each other their whole lives.

So why was Ed here, with a man he'd met just a couple months ago? What would Ed want to talk about that he wouldn't want to talk about with the two people who were closest to him?

Pushing his glasses up his nose, Maes asked quietly, “Is this about Nina?”

Ed jerked as if Maes had poked him with a fork, suddenly sitting up straight and staring at him with wide eyes. Maes's heart clenched. He's just a kid. He's twelve. And look at everything he's already been through....

“How'd you...?” Those golden eyes filled with tears and Ed hastily looked away, as if trying to hide behind his long bangs. But Maes could still see his chin trembling.

Maes put a hand on Ed's shoulder, and a choked sob escaped him. Ed pressed a fist to his mouth as if to stifle it, but Maes would have none of that. He slid across the couch and wrapped his arms around Ed, pulling him in close. “It's okay,” he murmured, patting Ed's back just like he always did with Elysia. “I've got you.”

Ed grabbed the back of Maes's shirt, his grip so strong but his sobs surprisingly weak, muffled in Maes's shoulder. Strange. Elysia's tiny hands were much weaker, but her cries were loud and piercing.

Maes felt the same desire well up in his heart—the desire to hold this child close forever and to never, never let go.

But Ed did let go. He pulled back, sniffling and rubbing his sleeve across his eyes with hasty, furtive movements, turning his face away as if embarrassed to have done something like that. But Maes kept an arm around his shoulders, and Ed didn't break his grip. If anything, even though he looked ashamed of his outburst, he leaned towards Maes, as if secretly longing to stay in his embrace.

So Maes settled close to Ed's side with his arm around him, an open invitation if Ed wanted more. “I know you've probably heard this so many times by now it's lost its meaning,” he said heavily, “but it wasn't your fault.”

“Yes, it was.” Ed's chin began to tremble again, but he clenched it and looked defiantly up at Maes through his tears. “I could've stopped him. I should've figured it out before he...he....”

“Hey,” Maes said, squeezing Ed's shoulder until he realized it was his metal shoulder and he wouldn't be able to feel it. “There's a lot of people who can say they should have done something. We all realize that, looking back. But you can't beat yourself up for it. We do our best with what we know at the time.”

Ed's mouth twisted into an ugly scowl. “Guess my best is just never enough, then. 'Cause I did my best...and I still failed her. Just like I always—“ He bit his lip, but that did nothing to stop big, fat tears from rolling down his cheeks.

“Hey, now.” Maes pulled Ed in close again, and Ed didn't protest. His shoulders shook with the force of his tears, miserable and broken. “Don't you go telling yourself that you've failed everyone. That's just not true.”

Ed made a garbled sound of protest, but it was muffled in his shirt, so Maes elected to ignore it.

“You're thinking about your mother, aren't you?” he said softly, rubbing Ed's back in circles. “Maybe I don't know the whole story, but one thing I know for certain is that she would never tell you that you failed her. I'm sure your mom wouldn't have wanted you to sacrifice what you did, trying to bring her back. But she would understand. Because she loved you. She knew that you did what you did because you were desperate, and you wanted to see her again.”

Edward drew a deep, shuddering breath, but didn't say anything, so Maes continued. “And I know for a fact that Al would never call you a failure for what you did for him. He looks up to you. He respects you. He's grateful for what you did, because it's kept you two together all this time. It's given you a second chance to make things right. The way he sees it, you saved his life.

“Now, you may not have been able to save Nina's life,” he murmured, absently stroking Ed's tangled hair, “but you brought so much joy to that little girl's life while she was still here. I could see it from the first time I laid eyes on her, you know. You were like a brother to her. And I know you tried your hardest to help her even after...what happened. She wasn't just a failed experiment to you, was she? She was still Nina.”

A little moan was the only response he got.

“Sometimes...there's nothing we can do. We can't prevent it, and we can't fix it. Unfortunately, that's the way life is sometimes. And I'm so sorry you've already had to learn this so many times.”

“It hurts,” Ed sobbed. “I-I don't want it to hurt!”

“I know.” Tears stung Maes's eyes, but all he could do was hold Ed close. “I know.”

Minutes passed in silence. Gradually, Ed's tears subsided into sniffles and shuddery, hiccuping breaths. Maes relaxed his embrace enough for Ed to sit back against the couch cushions, wiping the tears away. This time, he didn't look embarrassed. He seemed too worn out for any of that nonsense by now.

Gracia's timing was impeccable as always. She picked the perfect moment to walk out into the living room with a tray of steaming mugs and a plate of cookies. As soon as she set the tray down, before even serving the hot chocolate, she perched on the arm of the couch and pulled Ed into a hug, complete with kiss on the top of the head. Ed's cheeks tinged red, but he still lingered in her embrace as if reluctant to let her go.

Like any other twelve-year-old boy who'd been carrying a weight of grief and just needed loving parents to hold him and reassure him that everything would be all right. Maes had to bite his tongue to keep himself from announcing that they were adopting him and Al on the spot.

Just as Gracia got to her feet again, a baby's cry echoed down the stairs. Glancing at the clock, Gracia said, “It's time for Elysia's next feeding. Please make yourself at home, Edward. Maes can help you make up the couch if you want to stay the night.”

“Oh...that's okay,” Ed mumbled as she left.

“Here.” Maes passed him a mug of chocolate and positioned the plate of cookies within easy reach, snagging one for himself. After the emotional turmoil, he felt he could use a midnight snack too.

After a sip or two of the hot chocolate, Ed glanced up at Maes again. “Thanks.”

Entry to RoyEd Week 2023 August 2nd Day 2 - Soulmate AU

It was late, and the cottage was dim inside, only allowing the faintest trace of dusk to put shape to the helpless boy in the wheelchair, and the enormous suit of armour towering over him.

Despite the darkness indoors, Roy Mustang saw the boy in foreign vividness that he had never witnessed, colours exploding in front of his eyes like fireworks, rendering him speechless. The boy’s shade was accentuated by a distinct warmth— Roy will later learn the name of the colour that was gold, a pigment that he would come to associate with justice, passion, and everything that was pure and beautiful.

At that moment, assaulted by colours he had yet to know, he only knew one thing— that was destiny has cursed this little boy to be attached with him, Roy Mustang. A man who has far more enemies than allies, more nightmares than sleep— more dead than alive.

He couldn’t afford to have a soulmate. Not when his soulmate sat defencelessly like this, deaf to the entire world. Being his soulmate meant putting a target on their back, meant always sleeping with an eye open, meant never ever finding peace till the day of his death.

To brighten your day

RoyEd Week Day 2: Soulmate AU

Okay, so for this AU, everyone has heterochromia, and the color of your right eye matches the color of your soulmate’s left eye, and vice versa. That way, when you face each other, your soulmates’ eyes are a mirror image of your own. Multiple people can have your corresponding eye colors and can potentially be your soulmate. However, Roy is pretty confident that he’s just found his, seeing as how Edward is the only person alive who has a golden left eye and a black right one. 

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