I'LL FUCKING KILL YOU

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“It’s midnight, where the hell were you?!”

“Stop keeping your phone in silent, you got me worried!”

“Blood? Are you bleeding?”

“I don’t like the idea of you walking down the streets all alone.”

“I thought I would never see you again…”

“We should get you to hospital.”

“Where did all those bruises came from?”

“I have the right to be worried!”

“Have you been drinking? You look terrible.”

“Sleep at my place tonight.”

“I don’t feel safe letting you be alone when you’re in that shape.”

“Please talk to me about it.”

“Let me take care of you.”

“You need to rest now. Don’t move.”

“How many times have I told you to not go there?”

“You could’ve died, you know…”

“I don’t care if you don’t want my help, I’ll do it anyways.”

“You really need to stop drinking. I’m serious.”

“This time you got yourself into a hospital. I think that’s a sign.”

“Are you sure you’re okay?”

“You need to stop doing stupid shit like that or you will get yourself killed.”

“I’m your friend, of course I care!”

“You know I’m always here for you, right?”

“You’re not okay.”

“I’m just trying to help you.”

“Let me clean your wounds…”

“What should we drink to, sir?”

“So, who are your three handsome escorts?”

“I’m a little surprised how tall you were in real life. I mean, you’re a little fellow, but not circus-midget little, as your reputation would suggest.”

“I love rumours! Facts can be so misleading, where rumours, true or false, are often revealing.”

“Just keep your fuckin’ mouth shut. In fact, why don’t you start practising, right now!”

“There’s a special rung in hell reserved for people who waste good scotch.”

“I’ve had a gun pointed at your balls since you sat down.”

“But you fucked her anyway?”

“There ain’t nothing you want to tell me before we get out of this car, is there?” 

“This you and me talking, is this like a lawyer-client thing, and you can’t repeat nothing I tell you?”

“Hey, keep your fucking mouth shut, all right? I mean it, not one fucking word!”

“You keep fuckin’ with me, you’re gonna be asleep forever.”

“What the fuck you doin’ knockin on the door like the god damn police? You wanna die?”

“Is she dead, yes or no?”

“God damn girl, you gettin’ high already?”

“Shut your raggedy-ass up, and sit the fuck down!”

“My ass may be dumb, but I ain’t no dumbass.”

“So, what does it feel like to kill a man with your bare hands? It’s a topic I’m very interested in.”

“That’s a pretty fucking good milkshake. I don’t know if it’s worth five dollars but it’s pretty fucking good.” 

“Nobody kills anyone in my store except me.”

“Any time of the day is a good time for pie.”

“It’s none of your business, mister!” 

“Normally, both your asses would be dead as fucking fried chicken, but you happen to pull this shit while I’m in a transitional period so I don’t wanna kill you, I wanna help you.” 

“You lookin at something, friend?” 

“Tell that fuckin’ bitch to chill!”

“What’s more chickenshit than fucking with a man’s automobile? I mean, don’t fuck with another man’s vehicle.”

“This is not my fuckin’ problem, man!”

“I think I cracked a rib.” 

“I hate to shatter your ego, but this is not the first time I’ve had a gun pointed at me.” 

“I thought you said you were gonna be cool. Now when you yell at me, it makes me nervous. And when I get nervous, I get scared. And when motherfuckers get scared, that’s when motherfuckers accidentally get shot.”

“Did you ever hear the philosophy that once a man admits that he’s wrong that he is immediately forgiven for all wrongdoings?”

“Oh, man, I will never forgive your ass for this shit. This is some fucked-up repugnant shit.” 

“If my answers frighten you then you should cease asking scary questions.” 

“Well, let’s not start sucking each other’s dicks quite yet.”

“I’m pretty fuckin’ far from okay.” 

“Say ‘what’ again. Say ‘what’ again, I dare you, I double dare you motherfucker, say what one more God damn time!” 

“English, motherfucker, do you speak it?”

“I’m gonna fuckin’ die! I’m gonna fuckin’ die!”

“Hey, I’ve changed my mind. Shoot this piece of shit, will ya?”

“Motherfucker, I’m trying to watch 'The Lost Boys’!”

“Was that as good for you as it was for me?”

“You wanna fuck with me? I’ll show ya who you’re fuckin’ with!”

“If I was a butt cowboy, I wouldn’t even throw you to the posse.”

“Excuse me for not being the world’s biggest Madonna fan.”

“Let me tell you what 'Like a Virgin’ is about. It’s all about a girl who digs a guy with a big dick. The entire song. It’s a metaphor for big dicks.”

“Are you gonna bark all day little doggie? Or are you gonna bite?”

“You almost killed me! Asshole! If I knew what kind of a guy you were, I never would’ve agreed to work with you!”

“What the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t wanna kill anybody. But if I gotta get out that door, and you’re standing in my way, one way or the other, you’re gettin’ outta my way.”

“You keep talking like a bitch, I’m gonna slap you like a bitch.”

“Listen kid, I’m not gonna bullshit you, all right? I don’t give a good fuck what you know, or don’t know, but I’m gonna torture you anyway, regardless.”

“Let me get this straight: you don’t ever tip?”