@ripgray said: ‘ if you could relive any memory of your past, what would it be? ’
peter always has a way of hitting him with the hardest questions at the most unexpected times. his companion is a curious guy by nature, but where the hell does he even come up with some of this stuff? it sounds like the kind of question you'd see people answer on those old video dating ads from the 80s.
daryl supposes that some of it simply comes with the territory of traveling the way that they do. peter gets bored and inquisitive, and the right moment to ask any questions at all must be hard to find when they're always together with hardly a second of separation; right now, during a moment of quiet while daryl is gutting and preparing their dinner, is just as good of a time as any.
the looks he gives peter is hard to read, hands pausing. does he even have an answer?
there are a few times from his adolescence which were better than others: times where he and merle sat down in the dark to watch their favorite television shows while their dad was sleeping, or where they got up to some kind of fun, mischievous antics together. there are other periods in the more recent past where he's found joy simply eating dinner and interacting with his community, or where he's savored peaceful little moments with his closest people.
would he relive those? what memory would he willingly choose to return to, to exist as flesh and blood in the moment of, if he had the chance?...
... daryl has an answer. he looks back down to their dinner, skilled hands continuing to work as he speaks.
‘ ... when judith was born, we didn't have no formula or baby stuff or nothin'. an' her mom, lori? she died givin' birth to 'er. rick... he was gone. he was there, but he wasn't. so i went out with maggie, scrounged up whatever we could find 'cause i wasn't gonna lose no one else. 'specially not her. when we got back, i held judith. fed her first meal to 'er. an' i remember... the way people were lookin'— at her, an' at me. it was like she was the best and worst thing they'd ever seen, all at the same time. havin' a baby in the group... it could'a been real bad. a tickin' time bomb. but it was life, too. i was standin' there, feedin' 'er, proof that we could make it if we tried. and they were finally lookin' at me and actually seein' me. i stepped up, did what i needed t'do for these people, an' it felt good. ’
he pauses, nodding his head a little as if to confirm to himself this this is, in fact, the memory he would choose to live through again given the opportunity. even though it was surrounded by death and despair, even though judith was born into a dingy, bloodsoaked prison in the middle of the end times, daryl would still go back there. he'd do it all over again and relish the moment he got to look down at the infant in his arms and see everything that could still be saved in the world.
‘ holdin' judith... she gave me hope. it was like i was holdin' the future. was the first time things actually felt like they was gonna be a'right. think i'd relive that if i had the chance. ’