Reid: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.
Morgan: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?
Reid: Seize the dick.

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@cmincorrrctquotes
Reid: You know my motto: carpe diem, carpe noctem, carpe coles.
Morgan: Seize the day, seize the night, what’s the last one?
Reid: Seize the dick.

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Sam: We should get you to a doctor for a check up immediately. What if it happens again, and there isn’t anyone around to help you? What if it’s congenital? Oh my God! Was it me? Did I hurt you?
Gabriel: …You realize any other person that made their partner pass out on bed would simply feel really proud of themselves, right?
Reid, talking to Fran: No, Mrs. Morgan. We didn't even have a real wedding, we went to the courthouse on a Thursday.
Morgan: The judge sentenced me to life with no chance of parole.
Reid: You begged me to marry you.
Morgan: It's true, I did.
*Reid and Morgan talking about Wii Tennis*
Morgan: I'm going to beat you next time.
Reid: I won. Twice.
Morgan: The first one was a tie!
Reid: And the second time?
Morgan: ...
Morgan: There were no witnesses to the second time.
Reid: You and Hotch are having a baby.
Rossi: I'm sorry??
Reid, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's me, sign here.
Alternatively:
Penelope: You and Hotch are having a baby.
Rossi: I’m sorry????
Penelope, slamming adoption papers on the table: it’s Reid, sign here.

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Reid's flirting: If I were a painter, you would be my muse. Although, even with all the talent in the world, with the highest quality paint, the most luxurious brush, the best canvas, I wouldn't be able to capture your beauty. Most of your grace would slip through my fingers, and even then, scholars hundreds of years in the future would marvel at your likeness. They would debate whether you were real or an idealized sketch of perfection. Divinity out there, if there be any, could not create anything out there that rivals your allure if it were given millenia to prepare."
Morgan's flirting: Damn, did you suddenly developed healthy eating habits? Your ass is looking more and more irresistible everyday!
Doyle gets down on one knee
Prentiss: Oh my god, it's finally happening!
Doyle falls over
Prentiss: The poison is kicking in!
Morgan: This snow got me feeling some type of way.
Hotch: It's hypothermia.
Reid: He tried insisting it was "the magic of christmas" to the paramedics.
Prentiss: Small creatures are way more aggressive because all their anger has less room to bottle up in.
Rossi: What? That doesn't make any sense! Do you even have examples or are you talking out your ass?
Prentiss: Spiders.
Hotch: Wasps.
Reid: Morgan.
Prentiss: You know you've made it when you see your picture up everywhere you go.
Reid: Those are wanted posters.
Reid: And those are commemorating you death.

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*After The Reid and JJ Fight™*
Morgan: If we put those two in a room, who do you think would come out crying first?
Prentiss: Oh, God, I don't know.
Hotch: The room.
Rossi: Why are you on the floor?
Reid: I'm depressed.
Reid: Also I was stabbed, can you get Hotch, please?
Morgan, telling a story: Y'know, when I was small-
Reid, grinning: "Was"?
Prentiss: A man once told me to put on more clothes.
Reid: Really? Sexual harassment dates back to before women were allowed to wear revealing clothing. How silly is that? The idea that they need to be "allowed"?
Prentiss: Exactly!
Rossi: I feel like that's not the end of the story.
Prentiss: You're right. I wore his skin.
Reid: You and Hotch are having a baby.
Rossi: I'm sorry??
Reid, slamming adoption papers on the table: It's me, sign here.

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Hotch: While I’m gone, Emily, you’re in charge.
Prentiss: Yes!!!
Hotch, whispering: JJ, you’re secretly in charge.
JJ: Obviously.
Reid, holding a python: Guys I impulsively bought a snake, what do I name him?
Morgan, jumping behind the desk furthest from him: You did WHAT–
Prentiss: William Snakepeare