when i was 12 i got banned from yahoo answers and when i emailed support to be like “what did i do??” i got a really vague answer that just said “you know what you did” and it still haunts me to this day

When I was 10 I was in a AOL chatroom for kids and we were all making this Homer Simpson face (8^(|) but this one girl Crystal forgot to put the nose in the face so I said “You forgot the nose crystal” and I immediately got booted offline and no one in my family could log on. My Mom talked to someone from AOL and they said I was trying to sell drugs to minors because I said “nose crystal”

i wanna be a reverse tooth fairy where i rob people and then scatter human teeth on their bed

a dentist

i dont know what your dentist is doing to you but i think you need to go to the police

You wander through the ruins of a once mighty city. There you see a man grinning at you, wearing a rusted crown.

You ask him why the fuck would he wear an iron crown. And how the hell he got it wet enough for it to tarnish. At least gilde it so the outside looks gold and it doesn’t tarnish. What the fuck.

He gets really defensive about it, like weirdly defensive. Oh, oh, he says, oh, I’m sorry I don’t, like, carry gilding materials around. Sorry I’m not prepared like you. Where’s your crown, huh? You don’t have one? I didn’t think so. Watch yourself.

signal boost i need the world to know the tumblr app called me a dick snatch on december 7th, 2016

this is so fucking funny

“aim the drill at the ground and turn it on”

The LazyTown people released all the stems for We Are Number One because the meme has created a lot of interest in LazyTown and brought a lot of attention to Stefan Karl’s gofundme, so as a thank you they released the vocals/individual instrument tracks so it will be easier for people to keep making remixes/mashups and honestly this is the most genuinely heartwarming thing in the history of internet jokes. 

All of them are as brilliant as stars.

I aspire to be like these girls’ mothers. Can you imagine having a child so bright, realizing it, and then giving them the resources and platform to use their gifts? So many children are this talented and we will never know about them because of lack of support or funding.

y'all be hurting the people that really be 100% down for you & that’s the really sad part