Quit Clownin Around

lesbian, gay and bisexual movements? were created to stand up to that oppression, reclaim and redefine the labels that were forced onto us and fight for our lives, our safety and our dignity

these historical labels and movements exist because they are how we survived, they are why we are here and why we have the rights that we do. so when you redefine sexual orientation to mean not who you’re attracted to but how, you’re just displaying your ignorance of historical and societal context of gay, lesbian and bisexual communities and your ignorance of why they are still vital for us today

building identity and community around who you’re attracted to? vital to our organising, activism, communities and survival

lesbian: liking women for their goyishness

“Romance” is just a word for things you do and feel and experience when you love someone in a way distinct than just friendship. There are plenty of people madly in love with their partners who hate the concept of fancy dates and don’t kiss at all and prefer hugging or hand-holding or just being in close proximity to one another. I would find it romantic if a partner sent me a song that reminded me of them, or slept on my shoulder while we were sitting next to each other, or offered to do a chore for me because I’m tired. 

Like me? I’d like to have a wedding. But as soon as I think about the actual person? Blegh, gross. So after that, it’s just about finding someone who doesn’t make you go “ugh” when you picture yourself in a traditionally romantic scenario.

you articulated this so well, it’s such an unhealthy way to view other people and to view how you yourself conceptualize love/affection/compassion!

This idea was promoted primarily to argue that asexuals could have healthy and consenting sex without experiencing attraction, but what it served to do was blur the lines of consent that in my opinion were only becoming more distinct and spelled out in social justice spaces at the time this contradictory idea entered the scene.

Sex given without enthusiastic consent isn’t conseting sex- that’s just the reality. Obviously we’re all imperfect organic beings and I’m not saying that two partners are always going to be equally enthusiastic and desiring at the same time, but sex where both partners can’t comfortably and assuredly say, “Yes, I want this” isn’t consenting sex. Sex where one partner is ambivalent about what they want or desire isn’t consenting sex. Sex where someone has to be convinced of what they are comfortable with isn’t consenting sex. Sex that exists for the enjoyment and pleasure of a single partner isn’t consenting sex.

I had a partner at one point who was not asexual but identified with that spectrum and was therefore very impacted by this idea. She felt it was within her right to demand sex when I explicitly said no and to continue to demand it until I began to say yes or dissociated so that I couldn’t easily make my own descisions. I hold her responsible for her own wrongdoings and how she treated me, but I also recognize that she would not have felt the same justification for her behaviour had she not been introduced to the idea that sex is something you solely do for your partner.

Asexuals within the ace community deserve better than to feel as if their consent is negotiable, partners of those within the community deserve better than to feel their consent is negotiable, and those struck by collateral damage of this idea also deserve better.

I’m sorry that y'all have to deal with this. Bi people and Pan people can have preferences. Bi people and Pan people are able to love people for who they are inside.

it literally never once needed to expand beyond lgbt

which is something gay and bi people have been hearing since the dawn of them in attempts to “convert” them into straightness through violence, rape, and medical abuse (conversion therapy)

but i’ve been on twitter recently and there is a fucking DELUGE of people promoting the idea of “bisexual lesbians” (never bisexual gay men but like… that’s a tangential dialogue for another time). this idea that you can be bisexual and a lesbian at the same time is a direct product of the split attraction model.

this is the EXACT shit i was talking about when I said rhetoric from ace community is not compatible, at all, with the LGBT community.

sexualizing the -sexual suffix so “bisexual” SOLELY means “SEXUALLY attracted to the opposite gender” so someone can be bisexual and “homoromantic” is ACTIVELY harmful to lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals. it sexualizes bisexuals without consent and COMPLETELY redefines what gayness is so it can include attraction to the “opposite” gender.

and this is just one example of how ace inclusion–not just the inclusion of cisgender, straight aces but also the prioritization of ace ideals–hurts the LGBT community. the rhetoric that you can have sex with people you aren’t attracted to to “make it work” romantically is conversion therapy rhetoric. Ace inclusion makes it seem like the LGBT community is about our relationships to sex when that just isn’t true. Ace inclusion means “desexualizing” LGBT spaces so as not to upset asexuals. All this shit AND MORE is happening in real time and I’ve watched it get worse and worse, hand in hand with the commercialization of LGBT pride and the liberalization of LGBT activism.

ace rhetoric is eroding LGBT identities. the idea of the “bisexual lesbian” and other mogai microidentities where you parse every single aspect of your identity into a different label is actively harming vulnerable LGBT people.

and, no, this isn’t me saying “even LGBT aces have to go,” but this is me saying that putting ace identities at the forefront of ANY LGBT discussions leaves a lot of space for harm for LGBT people. and that any fucking ace rhetoric besides “it’s okay to not feel sexual attraction or want to have sex” comes at the expense of LGBT identity.

genuinely, the concept of “bisexual lesbian” is a direct product of the ace community and it has caused lesbians and bisexual women irreparable harm. and aces should be ashamed of this because this is what they have been defending for years.

this is the EXACT shit we said would come out of the split attraction model and now we have TEENAGERS telling strangers and adults “i’m sexually attracted to [x genders] but only romantically into [y]” and y’all think this is okay. even if it weren’t fucking INSANE to say lesbians can be attracted to men or that bisexuals can be half gay or half straight, you’d STILL be out of fuckng line having KIDS center identities around SOLELY sexual attraction.