Cloudsofthefluffyvariety-reblogs

just received the best text message I’ve ever had. from my mom

nature documentary but the narration is just weird enough to make you question it

“Some fish can walk out of water, so remember that next time.”

“You might think you’re safe, but horses are omnivores”

>#I love how this gag would be funny at any point since the third century BCE

it would suck being a new immortal. like it’d be 2109 and people would go, “what was it like seeing ancient civilizations rise and fall like that? seeing the pyramids being built? watching the expansion and growth of the new world?” and i’d just be like, “no…no i was born in 1991. so like, wow i’m gonna see some cool stuff, but, i mean i’m not that much older than just a really, really old person, you know? phones were big back then. so big. but only for like ten years, then they got like, as good as they are now. uh. rhinos existed. don’t think i ever saw one in person. cool, good talk.”

even worse, imagine being an immortal who keeps missing stuff. “What was it like seeing the pyramids being built?” “Fuck if I know, I was in Madagascar.” “Oh, okay. Well, how was the Renaissance?” “I fell down a hole in Scotland and people thought I was an enchanted well for four hundred years, it was over by the time I convinced someone to get me out.”

It’s been a decade since we left that comment and you have the best reply anyone’s left to it.

nothing can get you feeling like a person again like a clean floor and a tidier house

guess who pissed on the floor next to me the moment i hit post