THE SHORTTANK SPIDER!

Well… You’re not wrong. Technically. But you’re also a bad liar. It’s bruised.

the government cares.

jen, with a ron swanson voice: tinder is how the government uses pretty girl bots to track your location.

there was an ults!clint -- you know, the “my entire family is dead and also I Kill People With My Fingernails” clint barton -- on here that she annoyed but he liked her enough to lend her his motorcycle for her first date with aubrey so she could Look Cool (she didn’t crash it, thankfully, but it was raining hard as shit, & it’s v. difficult to look cool on a motorcycle when ur soaked)

“Well I’m NOT!” She shouted, rubbing her face where she’d just been punched.”I’m one of the good guys!”

“That was my mother’s name.” Jessica frowned at that. She would never want to be a Miriam. Not that she could even live up to that title. Name. Title. Whatever. “I never really asked your super secret spider themed origin story, but just know that Miriam is an ideal at this point.”

The older woman took the envelops with the M initials and threw them to the counter top to her side. “I’ll look at those later. Or until I get another notice.” She winked before motioning to her couch so they could both sit. 

“Y’know, I did instate another dimension’s Jessica Drew as the queen of Loomworld, so maybe talk to us if there are any stragglers of that… universe.”

“Oh, they made me in a lab,” Jess states simply. Nonchalant, even. She was very much chalant about it but she could be Cool. Other her was Cool. “Now that everyone involved and the entire corporation responsible is dead, I don’t feel as bad as I used to.” 

Jess looked down after that for a moment to recover. That wasn’t Cool or even just cool, it was actually Mean. But she sat down on the couch anyway.

“What I’m saying is, I’m not interested in my old universe so much.” Except for a few friends. Continuing the conversation wasn’t in her best interests, it seemed, because she didn’t know how to be cool.

That’s the spirit. And drink your orange juice. It’s good for you.

But we’ll get to how to actively disobey the government and work against it another day. When you’re older.

“Yeah, it figures you thought that. Cause of course you would… seeing as that’s my middle name.” Jessica would never be used to this. Or like this. “Alright, that also figures. Gimme the Jessica M. stuff and you keep the rest.”

“Huh. You look more like a Miriam than me, if that helps.” Would it? She didn’t know. This was kind of awkward, as nice as it was to know her counterpart in the Universe That Survived was a cool old lady. Older, she meant. 

Well, anyway. She handed everything she could find with an M. on it to Big Jess.

Because the government is an inherently flawed, actually terrifying entitiy of power, Jessica.

But don’t let that ruin your waffles.