Me reaching what looks suspiciously to be the end of my rope: oobh i got plany off rope

Girl whose most frequent mistake is inaction voice: wow I keep making mistakes I better not do anything

sports fans will say things like i cant wait to watch a press conference

saying "question mark?" and "however comma," out loud are game changers. punctuation on the go. and it's always the funniest thing that anyone around you has ever heard

they should invent something that you can use to indicate you are turning or switching lanes in a vehicle

Be realistic

I went to one of Bostons artisanal hipster pizza establishments several years ago and because they’re artisanal hipsters the tomatoes on the pizza are only half cooked, a problem that didn’t occur to me prior to ordering my pizza because what kind of silly question is “do you cook the tomatoes on your pizza?” and then the pizza came and it was raw tomatoes and I was like well I’ll sound even MORE insane if I go back and say um actually I’m allergic to this so can I have a pizza with no tomatoes (a dish that only barely exists) and long story short I ate the raw tomatoes pizza and I have never been back. And that’s why I prefer cheap pizza over artisanal pizza. And whenever somewhere slightly pretentious has pizza on their menu I’m like 😒 but do they cook it