The Possimpible.

[Warning: Contains Spoilers. Read at your own risk]

I’m a little drunk, but whatever. 

I just finished watching the latest series of Money Heist. And I have a lot of feelings to process, I don’t know were to start. 

First of, NAIROBI. WHAT THE FUCK? 

She may have been killed to cause emotional pain and trauma for the rest of the team (think of how they also killed Moscow during the Royal Mint of Spain Heist). But goddammit, I’ve never felt so emotionally invested over the death of a character before. 

Nairobi was my emotional support character in Money Heist. And I could also tell that she was a fan favourite as well. Killing her off was the needed “emotional shock” for the team and the audience to get more invested in the series (as I was feeling that the second heist was losing it’s touch). 

So yeah. Needless to say, I was crying all throughout the remainder of the episodes after her death (excuse the alcohol too, lol). She was the “La Puta Ama” or the “The Fucking Boss” of the Team. She had to have that Pep Talk to the welders. It’s as if it was already her fucking goodbye speech. 

Irregardless of how she died, I would like to honor her memory in this little post. She was, like so many of us, my favorite character in the team. She was brave, courageous, and above all, she was kind. She was the ultimate fucking feminist that the team needed. She held no qualms about her feelings for Helsinki and for Bogota. She really was the biggest, badass motherfucker out there.  

FOR NAIROBI. THE LA PUTA AMA (THE FUCKING BOSS). 

NAIROBI FOREVER. <3 

To my fellow #Sanvers Warriors, we’ve reached 500 in less than 24 hours! Let’s all sign this petition and make some noise! 

To the producers and creative minds behind Supergirl:

There is an off chance that any of the Supergirl producers might be able to read this, but I am trying nonetheless since this is a matter which I feel is of importance to everyone affected, to Sanvers fans, and to the Television show in general. 

Supergirl has always prided itself with having diverse characters to complement its diverse audience. It adored fans with its themes of female empowerment, importance of family, redemption, and an accurate and moving coming-out story along with positive LGBTQ+ representation. 

And recently, spoilers have circulated that one of the show's beloved couples, Alex Danvers and Maggie Sawyer, mutually agrees to end their relationship. And to add insult to injury, there are rumors where Alex will drunkenly hook-up with LoT's Sara Lance in the upcoming crossover. 

From the beginning, their relationship was well-received and well-loved by Television critics and by fans of the show itself- fans who strongly resonate with both of the characters and of the relationship. Truly, right from the start of Alex's coming-out arc, it was a groundbreaking story that changed lives and upped the ante for more positive representation of LGBTQ+ characters and couples alike. And true enough, introducing a story like this does not end there. The challenge is and always has been about how to properly tell the story to be more truthful, realistic, and powerful - to be always consistent with one's promise of positive queer representation while being faithful to the story and its characters. In the words of Bryan Koneitzko, one of the creators of The Legend of Korra, the mere introduction of an LGBTQ+ character and romance "isn't a slam-dunk victory for queer representation." There is always more to it than that. 

As people of mainstream media, I know you are well-aware of the impact and influence of mainstream television to the viewers. And I believe that some of you have seen it on social media yourselves. With all due respect, if those spoilers are true that you decided to break-up Alex and Maggie, and then have Alex hookup with Sara Lance, then it would be the ultimate disservice to the fans of Sanvers, especially members of the LGBTQ+ Community (who comprise a relatively large number in SG's audience, by the way), whom you have assured that you are "committed to their relationship long-term," or that "fans would love it," and of course having a story that would "honor the love between those two." It would be unfair to the actresses who brought these characters to life, to the people who worked hard for this relationship to work, and of course, to the fans whose lives were changed, who were moved, who cling to these stories because they have deeply resonated with it - after promising all of the above mentioned, the damage would be beyond repairable. But most importantly, it would be the ultimate disservice to the story itself - one that took a season-long buildup that poignantly showed the milestones of their relationship (think of Episode 2x19) that eventually lead to the proposal. From the start, we all knew that Sanvers would be #Endgame.

Think about all those young girls who have deeply connected with Alex's journey and her eventual romance with Maggie that showed a happy, positive representation of what a relationship should be. Think of all the young girls, who are in the closet, discriminated for who they are, who find faith and hope in the beautiful relationship of Sanvers. Think of all of the people out there who long for the love Alex and Maggie have. 

Again, I am writing simply because #SanversMatters and deciding to break them up (and having the other half drunkenly hookup with someone else) will be the ultimate injustice to the fans, the actresses who breathed life into the characters, and to the story itself. And to take it away from the affected viewers who comprise a large number of the audience would immediately result in an uproar which I think would be difficult for the Supergirl team to get out of. You may justify the breakup and the hookup all you want, but you can never take back all the hardwork everyone has put in this story; you can never take back the words you have uttered in assurance of the future of Sanvers. 

I know that this simple letter will not change what has transpired in the next episodes. May this serve as a reminder, that you will be held accountable for all of this, one way or another - and you should be willing to face the consequences once the time comes. As concerned fans and viewers, we feel that justice should be delivered on all fronts, and to remind you to never underestimate the power of media representation in times of adversity. 

To close this letter, I would like to share a quote that fits with the fans' current disposition: 

"There is no justice in this world, not unless we make it." - Petyr Baelish, Game of Thrones

For as long as there is little to no adequate queer representation in mainstream television, we will continue to fight.

Thank you and may the light of reason shine through all of you. 

I’ve been discreetly a part of the fandom for a long time. After catching up on some views regarding #Sanvers screentime during this half of the season, there are two opposing views - there are those who are really really salty with the amount of screentime that they get (but with good reason), and on the other hand there are those who remain positive and grateful that we even get what we have with Sanvers, which is a rare sight in Television nowadays.

Both sides have good reasons, but the 2nd view has problematic underpinnings with the way we reason around it. 

In the first view, it is clear as day why we as concerned viewers are pissed at the amount of screentime that they get vis-a-vis the cis straight white male character of the show. In addition, having the hetero couple have a shirtless, morning-after scene while the queer couple get subtext definitely adds fuel to the fire. 

On the other hand, some fans are quite unfazed with the unequal treatment given to queer/same-sex couples. This is understandable, given the predominantly heteronormative society we live in. They argue that “hey, at least that’s better than nothing.” Some are “okay” or “satisfied” with it, because really, that’s as good as it could get, right?

I beg to disagree. 

While I agree that we should be positive and be grateful for everything that’s been given to us, the fact that the “that’s as good as it could get” thinking prevails among us only reinforces the fact that our community is still VASTLY under-represented. The Supergirl writers are proud of this groundbreaking storyline, yes, let’s give credit where credit is due. But after using this particular storyline to brand a certain episode (we all know what episode I’m talking about) for a certain audience, they need to be more consistent with their words and promises.

In short, giving Sanvers more screentime could revolutionize the way people view queer/same-sex relationships. While I agree that “quality over quantity” is important, the mere fact that we even have to argue about this speaks volumes that our community needs MORE positive visibility and adequate representation. Having them sidelined after using them for advertising reasons (again, I’m still so salty about that episode), at best, would in a way contradict their own victory on so far providing adequate representation.

Granted, I still haven’t seen the rest of the episodes after the recent one, and I hope I could be proven wrong. So, I still stand by the argument that #Sanvers definitely deserve more screentime, even if the show does not revolve around them. And with this storyline, hopefully it could further pave the way for more visible, positive and adequate representation that our community dearly deserves. 

Here I am again with the post-series finale depression hitting hard. And damn, what a ride it was.

I first heard of Carmilla only last year, on guess what? Here on tumblr. It was my summer break from university and I had a lot of time on my hands, so I started Season 1 and was instantly hooked. Honestly, the more rational part of me never understood why I would love this show, amidst all the flaws and the limitations with the low-budget production. Ultimately, I realized that it spoke to me on a deeper level, one that I cannot fathom, and one that I have never experienced with on any other TV show that I’ve watched (Legend of Korra would come closest). And I understood, that the connection I felt with the show is what also got to the thousands and millions of views on this simple, campy web series. 

Granted, the web series had a lot of flaws and mishaps in terms of the storylines and character development in general. I would get so engrossed with the show, that sometimes during my free time while I was at university, I would write my own analysis on a particular episode. This was during Season 2 of the series, which arguably, hit a lot of lows and left me a bit disappointed, yet still I continued watching because, well, I wouldn’t want to lose hope on something that connected to me (and a thousand others), and so I waited for the last season.

Watching season 3 was a bittersweet affair. While I would want more Carmilla, I write with a heavy heart that I would no longer be able to watch another season of this captivating web series with all its simplicity. Season 3 also showed superb (!) acting, and I was so impressed at how far the actors have come from season 1. They’ve all matured along with the characters they portray. 

I would like to thank the ever endearing team who made Carmilla possible. And to the actors, of course, who gave life to these characters we dearly love and hold on to, you were perfect in your own ways, and I hope that you may one day be successful in your endeavors. Thank you, for this crazy ride. Wednesday and Friday mornings (I live in Asia) will never be the same. I will miss the show dearly, and I will never forget the impact it has on me and a thousand others who have also felt that deep, unspoken connection with the web series that have changed our own little worlds. 

And now I’m about to have another existential crisis after watching another favorite series end.

So I went outside and I ran. I ran like hell. 

After such a long time, I’m running again. I don’t know exactly where I’m going. I’m running to finally feel the freedom i deserve; the freedom I lost along the way. 

So that’s what I do. Whenever I’m faced with a heavy decision, I run. I run to clear my head; to organize my thoughts, and to allow myself to breathe. 

This already happened last week, and a part of me is not over it. Maybe I'll never be over it.

Because yes, my first MM Pride will forever be sketched in the confines of my memories. I've been in another pride march before, but I was much younger and naive. Now that I am a full-pledged advocate (which I humbly proclaim), participating in pride suddenly held more meaning and purpose.

Pride March is so much more than just parading through the streets. It is so much more than just making noise and shouting expletives at the haters who show up to our parade. It is a march for us to be accepted by society, to be validated, and to let the world know that we are human beings, and that no one can take away our rights simply because we defy the norms. It is to let the people who struggle the same struggles that we do, that you are not alone, and you do not need to suffer in silence. The sheer number of people who attended the pride march can attest to that.

Marching with LGBT fellows made me emotional to an extent, as I've realized that I do not need to go through all of this alone. It has made me realize that there are plenty of people out there who are willing to join in our cause, and that ultimately, we are loved amidst all the hate. After seeing our religious brothers and sisters carry banners of support for us, with words such as "God loves you," and "I am sorry," I am filled with hope and gratitude for those people who stand up for us even if their Church tells them otherwise. It has further fueled my passion to continue raising awareness and hope to the LGBT Community.

Overall, it was a different experience seeing all of this with my own eyes rather than just scrolling through pictures on a computer screen. To be there physically and seeing everything happen was surreal. After this pride march, I actually contemplated coming out to my parents. But that's for another story.

More than two years have passed yet sometimes I still can't believe that you're gone. Perhaps I'm still in denial about the way that you left this world. No, it's not that, because YES. I am fucking still in denial about this. When a friend dies, a part of you dies with them. When a friend dies, you struggle to wake up everyday; you struggle to live life without them. Because that's what you do. You just learn to live life without them. Ayo, wherever you are now, I know you are in a better place free of heartache and sorrow. You are now at peace and one with the cosmos. I will always live with the guilt, a burden I’ll carry for the rest of my life. I'll always feel that lump in my throat whenever I think about you. I know people will tell me to stop blaming myself. I know this, which is why I've vowed to always offer myself to whoever needs a shoulder to cry on. I will always listen, no matter what. It doesn’t matter to me if I miss a fucking class. When someone’s life is in the line, you fucking drop everything.

Fuck the stigma when it comes to mental illnesses. You are never alone - you don't have to be. I may never know how you feel, but always remember that I'm here. I'm always here. 

I refuse to believe that the stars in the sky never aligned for you and me

I want to believe that you might have loved me in another life

I want to believe that you might feel the same in this life

I refuse to believe there will no longer be a chance for you and me

December 19th marks the one year The Legend of Korra has ended and Korrasami being canon. Personally a lot has changed in one year, and it is in these little things that keep you grounded for a moment.

But no, Korrasami was not just a "little thing" for me. It meant more than that. Watching one of your favorite show's protagonist shown being with another woman was in a sense, healing and refreshing. It was a sight for sore eyes in a world still dominated by homophobia and heteronormativity. Rewatching the last scene still made me grin like an idiot and feel all warm and fuzzy inside. The first time, however, was just magical - I can still clearly recall the goosebumps when the music started playing. There is this split second of shock and being dumbfounded, and later on I just... couldn't stop smiling. Honestly, even after a year, it is still hard to describe the feeling with words.

Korrasami meant so much more than visual aesthetics or a shipping dream come true. It symbolized hope - hope for a better future. It was a step towards a more accepting and progressive society; a society in which we, who saw ourselves in Korra and/or Asami, would not hide who we are or be ashamed of how we feel. The fact that this was still a shock to everyone only means that the fight for a better society has only just begun. Clearly, there is still a lot of work to do.

We all long for the day where same-sex relationships will be dealt with as normally as possible. We long for the day where an even more marginalized group in the LGBT sector be given adequate representation without diluting the reality of it. I could not express enough gratitude to the creators of the show who bravely made a wild dream become possible, to some extent. I hope they are aware that this simple act has touched so many lives, inspired so many people, and gave them hope to believe in a better society to live in.

A part of me has still not gotten over Korrasami and the whole avatar franchise in general. Maybe I never will. It has been a huge part of my childhood, and there was no better way than to end it with this huge milestone. Such a thing so subversive and revolutionary will forever be sketched in the confines of my memories.

Oo. Naranasan ko na ‘yang lahat. Mga kakatuwang pangyayari sa simula na naging dahilan ng sakit na hindi maitutumbas sa pisikal na karamdaman.

Pero hindi. Hindi ko pa naranasan ang lahat. Hindi ko pa kailanman nararanasan ang tamis ng isang “oo”.

Kaya sobrang nakakatakot na. Natatakot ako na mahulog. Natatakot ako na ang lahat nito’y matatapos lamang sa isang gabi na ako’y nasa piling ng mga nag-aalalang kaibigan. Buti pa sila, no?

Sa lahat ng pagkakataon ng sabihin mo ang isang “oo”, bakit hindi sa tanong na kelangan mong sagutin? Kumain ka na ba? Oo. Nagawa mo na ba assignment mo? Oo. Okay ka lang ba? Oo.

But only feel suffocated

When you try to rise up

But end up tumbling back

When you try to speak

But nothing comes out

When you try to change

But end up going back

To where you started

When you try to heal

But end up getting hurt

The hardest part of it all

Is that no one knows

And that you are forced

Drop down on your knees

But they can never shake you

 They can throw away a million questions

Ask the secrets to the universe

But they can never dampen your spirit

 They can make you say things

And question yourself

But they can never change

Who you are.

 Words are not enough

To break someone