Growing Up And Buckling Down.

My boyfriend’s good friend had a baby about 6 months ago. Yesterday, we went to his and his girlfriends house for a SuperBowl party and the first thing we see is this little tiny pink bundle swinging back and forth in a chair asleep. 

I love children, I always have. However, my career path has always led me to believe I will never have the time to have children. Which kills me. 

Back the story. So the little pink bundle starts crying and here comes the father to the rescue. He loves this little girl so much. It made me realize once again how badly I want children. But I still feel like a child myself. I want a family and that connection to someone through another life. I want to show a crying, screaming, bundle of pink or blue that no matter how badly you hurt me, I will always love you. 

Then, my boyfriend held the baby. He has not held a child in years and he looked so uncomfortable at first. His friend, the father, then makes the joke that it was his turn next to have a kid and looked at me. He and I have been together for 4 months. He frantically shook his head no at the thought. Now, what I would have said would have been “maybe in the future” not a dead set no. This one small conversation made me consider if mine and his thoughts really align. I am career driven and want to keep advancing to make sure that when I do finally have that pink or blue bundle swinging in my kitchen, it will be the best time and place for it. He is set in a career. One day he wants to get a house, one day he wants me to move in with him. Hell, he wants me to move in with him now, but I could never do that to him without him getting to know me for real.