clara oswald.

“Yeah,” he chuckled dryly, following after her lead. “You don’t have to tell me.” He admired her attitude though. Once upon a time, Sam had been incredibly optimistic and caring, but grief and addiction had stolen that from him. He wondered, not for the first time, if he’d ever feel that way again. “It’s hard, though. I mean, I’m on my second innings and I’m still figuring everything out. Regrets included.” A big part of those regrets was in the room with them, but he didn’t look in her direction despite feeling eyes on him. He had no desire to cause any further upset. Still, his mind was on overdrive imagining what the others might be thinking, might be feeling, unable to tune it out. He’d hardly been paying attention to his dance partner at all, something he regretted once she’d called him out on it. It was miraculous he hadn’t stood on her toes.

Clara nodded, trying to understand how that must feel. Life was already complicated enough without having a gap in the middle, without experiencing the end and having to come back from it. Sam wasn’t alone in that experience, of course, there were countless non-humans in Alexandria, his own brother included. But she imagined it was still isolating, an emotional coldness. Her eyes softened in sympathy, a gentle hand meeting the top of his shoulder. “Does anyone ever figure it all out? Even Kol doesn’t have the answers, and he’s lived over a thousand years. I know there’s no comfort in it, but maybe we aren’t supposed to know. The most we can do is try,” she contemplated, shrugging a shoulder. “We often do what feels right at the time, but most of us are wrong in someone else’s story.”

It was only out of love for Amy that Sam had shown up today. It didn’t matter how many months had passed — there was still tension in the air, a hostile reception he couldn’t shake no matter how hard he tried. Johanna and her apparent bodyguards had made it clear on multiple occasions he was never going to get a word in. So, he just had to live with it, with what he’d done. They both did. But that didn’t make it any easier. Only with Dean’s encouragement did he put on brave face and finally slip into a suit. And once the ceremony had started, and he’d seen the joy on Amy’s face, Sam had no regrets. After all, it was important to him to support the people who, after everything that had happened, still supported him. It was just hard to remember that sometimes.

Clara hadn’t expected to be met with resistance, knowing that Sam was single, so initially she pouted, considering whether or not he needed convincing. He didn’t seem the shy type, but perhaps that was a trait she’d missed, not knowing him well enough. Or maybe it was something else. Of course, he could’ve been politely rejecting her, not feeling the attraction. But there was no harm in dancing, there were plenty of single friends celebrating together beside them. Luckily for her, though, Dean stepped in and gave Sam the push he needed. She smiled in the older brother’s direction as he walked away, a small sign of her gratitude. She’d always been a fan of Dean, too. 

It'd been nearly a week since Amy and Rory's wedding, since he'd completely abandoned Clara on the dance floor to come to Pansy's aid. Since he'd actually looked Johanna in the eye. Even without the ability to sleep, Sam had needed every hour since to process the event, to come to terms with his new reality, to accept and live in the discomfort. There was clearly nothing he could do to patch things up with Jo, to explain his side to them, to have it be enough. Even when all of his instincts told him to fight back, Sam had to accept he'd done something unforgiveable, and that was to be the end of it. But even if he couldn't ever make things right with Johanna, he could still start somewhere. He could let someone else in, someone who he suspected had been trying to do exactly that for quite some time. It had been a long time since he'd done anything like this, since he'd even considered having a future with someone. It felt impossible to, considering how the last relationship had worked out. But that wasn't Clara's fault. She deserved better than his self-hatred. Having already knocked on her door, Sam was pleased she hadn't slammed it right in his face upon answering. It gave him the confidence to continue. "Hi," he tried for a smile, admittedly uncomfortable but pushing through it. "I'm... it's good to see you. I'm sorry to bother you and show up unannounced like this, it's just... I thought maybe..." He sighed, shaking his head, starting again. "Look — would you maybe wanna come and get a beer with me? We can get drunk, talk about how much of a jerk I was at the wedding. I'd.. really like the chance to explain."

After Amy and Rory's wedding, Clara had been unable to stop thinking about Sam. Although their dance had come to an abrupt end, she didn't hold too much resentment, as it appeared as if he'd been defending himself, something she'd encouraged him to do only moments before the confrontation had arisen. Still, Clara was awfully stubborn by nature, so hadn't called him since, waiting for him to make the first move. Or rather, second. It was the only way in which she'd be able to determine whether or not the attraction she felt was reciprocated.

“ it was just a kiss, that’s all. ” nev hehe