LIVING DEAD GIRL @cixousspheree - Tumblr Blog

with all of the rape academy discourse on my social media feeds atm i am kindly asking to be yeeted into the stratosphere

#tw csa #tw sa

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the only time my body has ever felt like mine has been when I am exerting total, complete, and autocratic regime-like control over it.

any other student/grad student ed havers out there 😭😭😭 really really need to lock in academically an anorexically lol

someone w an ed: *exists*

the internet: OMGGGGGG the singlehanded promoter of heroine chic!!!!!!! booooo burn them at the stake 😤

how catastophic is pho to ones pursuit of restricting lolllll

i have a dinner tomorrow that i cant get out of. planning to just have coffee the rest of the day but i want to emotionally prepare

#helllpppppp

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my hyperfixation rn is cottage cheese mixed w avocado + hot sauce

if anyone was wondering. i eat it w carrots.

yeah i could recover from my ed probably but

my ocd is so intertwined w cptsd symptoms. without bleaching my brain in its entirety i fear there is no healing from this

#cptsd #tw csa #ocd

WE ARE SO BACK

(again lol)

#still going through it tbh

can I just say

dedicating your life to the field of feminist & gender studies is fucking excruciating when you have also experienced csa and have never felt like you have had ownership over your own body or any iota of sexual empowerment bc from a young age you internalized that people can do whatever they want to you and as a result you spent the next two decades trying to be as sexless as possible

lol

#tw csa #csa

since seeking treatment for my psychotic breakdown at the end of december ive been staying with family and its been so so soooo hard to be 'on track' w my ed without arousing suspicion. im finally gonna go back to my city/apartment next weekend so things should be getting easier with that respect.

unfortunately i am also deeply terrified to go back because my entire apartment feels "emotionally contaminated" from when i was so acutely mentally unwell and basically insane. so it's like....damn i really cant win can i?

#ocd

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whenever my doctor gives me a new ativan prescription + refill without an interrogation i feel so victorious and unstoppable 😈

desperately need to figure out how to be a functional anorexic

hope you're all right (: no pressure to reply -- i was just thinking about you.

thank you so much for the good thoughts bestie 🤍 it's much appreciated!! i am definitely doing a lot better as of now :)

hi I miss you

I hope youre doing well!!

🌻💕

omg hi bff 🥹🥹 thank you for the good vibes!!! it was scary there for a while but im mostly back to feeling like my "usual" self now 🤍

sizzlingcandyj3llyf1sh

all in a day’s work

cixousspheree

me to me after 18 straight hours of raging metal illness

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HELLO AND WHATS THE 411

omg i missed everyone here so much 😭

my last post was like around christmas maybe??? shortly after that i spiralled into a (im assuming ocd induced) psychosis period it was so bad and so scary 😭😭😭😭 i have never feared for my life in that way before. finally feeling more grounded in reality; back to my "regular" ocd and ofc i still have an ed so 🙃

anyway, PLEAAASE catch me up on how you are all doing!!!!!!! i want to catch up with each and every one of you!

love u all deeply <3

#eva rambles #ocd

omgggggg CHRISTMAS MIRACLE ALERT

my dr was in the office randomly today and refilled my ativan prescription 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

#im actually gonna cry

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