So I guess an explanation for our absence is probably in order? Last May I moved out of the place I’d been living. I’d been in a long term relationship of five years with someone else with OSDD. This person was sometimes brilliant and sweet, but had serious and extensive trauma they had yet to overcome, and maladaptive coping mechanisms, to the point where they were a danger to themselves as well as to me. And the longer the relationship went on, the greater the harm became. Until it was full on abusive. Hello, retraumatization, hello new shades of PTSD. Sen fragmented into several aspects of the whole she used to be, her main appearance one that would supposedly be pleasing to the alter of his who had promised to take her under his wing. Now she’s reintegrating herself, I think, and I guess I am too a bit? She’s really the only one left who talks to me, though we think there’s probably nonverbal ones under the surface. Anyway. After countless attempts of trying to get out and being convinced to stay, something new happened. We met a couple with strongly shared interests who would become very close friends - and later found out they identified with the interpersonal struggles we’d been having - though in reverse. Short version, they helped me get out. And would have helped him work though things too, probably - but he didn’t handle things well at all. Quite badly, in fact - enough to warrant a restraining order, though I didn’t get one. I’ve been here a year now, after a while kinda got adopted into a V-type poly thing. Spent a lot of time healing and working on myself. Also, moderating for them, as while their fights don’t get dangerous, they definitely benefitted from someone stepping in to stop it from going in circles. They both deserve validation, and when I can safely do so without harm, I try and give some ‘straight talk,’ as well. (Is it straight talk if I’m pan-demi-sexual?) They stuck together though some really awful stuff out of necessity, and their respective coping mechanisms really hurt eachother. Plus, she developed a really bad anxiety disorder going for her PHD, which complicated things even further - he wasn’t at all equipped for that, and her way of surviving it was... harmful. But they’ve had something really beautiful, and I’ve been working to help them salvage it... except it seems like the more they diverge from codependency and confront their scars and the reasoning behind why they have them... they want to get distance from eachother. So it’s a mixed feeling. Because on one hand I could see both of them benefitting from healing time and space... but on the other hand I feel like a terrible person for having failed at my original objective, even if it is also logically a healthy path for them to follow. And where was Sen during all this? Ah... well... when we got out she had her own healing stuff to do, so I left her to it, you know? She went introjective and stayed there, and I left her be, and then she sort of... went quiet. I guess she ran out of energy to sustain being awake so she went dormant, and since I wasn’t checking on her actively, like only once in a while, I... didn’t notice. And then I saw something I wanted to show her and I looked inside to bring it up and well, freaked out a bit. We’ve been trying to get back up to speed since. So here we are. Works in progress, progressing as we work. This is our chronicle and our sounding board. Takes a bit of effort to get stuff up here, but it usually is worth it, in the end. And it’s nice to be back I think. I’ve missed this too. So! Here’s to the future!
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