shrimp-fried rice

saying “i want him” about the character but not in a romantic or sexual way . i just Require him i need to Obtain him

i want this man in my inventory

mommy is going to leave you exposed in an oxygen-rich environment for hours, my little sliced apple😈

every single fucking thing on earth exists solely to put a dent in your newly applied nail polish

Dealing with burnout is sooooooooooooooo easy all you need to do is operate at 40% indefinitely and be kind of mad at yourself the whole time.

me, as i force a dollar bill into the self-checkout machine: thats right…..good boy……vore president washington

im begging all of you to stop reblogging th is

Your actions have consequences

love telling people I'm not on social media as if it's not 98% of my waking hours. well I'm not on social media in a way that you'd recognize

Someone should invent a word for when you’re jumping and popping

pumping

Not quite but I would never correct a woman

im a white boy

*collars you* You’re my pet now