my love (derogatory)

i. in his office

he sat in his office chair, filling out documents like usual when you'd barged in.

he knew it was you because no one else would ever have the courage to walk into his office like that unannounced.

he didn't exactly hear much that you said when you came in, but he knew it had you heated. you were pacing his office as you spoke passionately, clearly you had been wanting to get this off your chest for a while. but he wasn't paying attention to that. he was paying attention to you.

he watched your face silently as it glowed in the dim lights of his office.

god were you beautiful.

"levi, you're not even listening." you said, stopping in front of him.

"¡ am. you just began to repeat yourself."

"because you weren't listening."

"i'm sorry. finish what you were saying." he said, gently taking ahold of your wrist.

you took that opportunity to slip into his lap, letting him wrap an arm around your waist as you continued talking again.

and he let you, let your voice fill his office once more as he silently studied your features. the way your eyes squint as you furrowed your eyebrows, or the slight pout your lips had when you spoke about something that upset you, or-

"levi!"

he blinks slowly. "hm?"

"what's up with you?"

"you look pretty." was all he said, catching you off guard.

his compliment brought a smile to your face, taking that opportunity to lean in and press a gentle kiss to his lips.

“thank you.”

he'd grunted in response, acknowledging your words.

a comfortable silence surrounded the both of you, one that was familiar. it was nice, familiar.

maybe he should do it now.

levi pulled you closer to him, looking at you deeply which caused you to tilt your head slightly in question as his free hand slowly gravitates toward his pocket.

"what is it?" you asked, messing with a bit of his hair.

deep breaths.

"i wan-"

he couldn't even start his sentence before someone barged into his office panting, catching you both of guard.

"captain lev-oh."

it was jean. the annoying brat.

"i'm so sorry captain." he apologised quickly, bowing his head.

you took this chance to get off levi's lap, straightening yourself up.

levi let a small noise of disapproval, the sudden lack of warmth not welcome.

"you're being requested urgently by higher ups, sir. i didn't mean to-"

"that enough." he grunts, standing from his chair. “let’s go then.”

he glanced at you as he walked toward the door, silently apologising for the interruption. you didn’t say anything, just nodding in response. you knew it wasn’t his fault.

ii. your bedroom.

rays of sunlight shone through the gaps in the curtains, casting a warm glow onto your boyfriend’s chest.

he was up, of course he was.

the fact he’d slept last night was a miracle but you were forever grateful he did because it meant you had his chest to sleep on.

you turned over to be met with levi, seated upright on the bed with some documents in hand.

he heard your movement, placing them down on the bedside table, giving you his full attention.

“good morning.”

“good morning, handsome.” you greet, leaning up to giving him a soft kiss.

levi liked mornings like these.

though they were rare because you never seemed to be up on time, he cherished them deeply.

you rested your head on his shoulder, closing your eyes again, and levi took this opportunity to look at you.

really look at you.

his gaze lingered, taking in every small detail he’d already committed to memory. he often found himself wondering how he had gotten so lucky.

he wasn’t one that was used to expressing his emotions and for whatever reason, you understood that.

you let him take his time as he tried to get comfortable with it.

and even now, though he may not be there yet, he was definitely getting better at it.

his eyes flickered briefly to the bedside table. the top drawer to be more exact. where the ring sat in its box, waiting for him to open, waiting for him to ask you. where he’d placed it there earlier without much thought.

but now it felt impossible to ignore.

this could be it.

it was quiet.

you were here.

there was nothing to interrupt him, no one to get in the way.

just the two of you.

“..levi?” you mumbled quietly, your voice thick with sleep.

“hm.”

“come back to bed.” you murmur, shifting closer to him, your hand resting against his side.

he removed himself from his thoughts, looking down at you. at the way you were barely awake, completely relaxed against him.

and suddenly it felt wrong to do it now, not when you were half asleep.

so he pushed down the thought, sinking back into bed and wrapping an arm around you to pull you close.

iii. campsite

it’d been four days since that morning.

it was dark out, the sky clear with occasional bright white dot visible in the sky.

you’d insisted on sitting out in the dark for a while and who was levi to deny his girlfriend?

you both sat outside your tent, your head resting on his lap as you looked up at the sky. pointing at the occasional star or constellation you would spot in between idle chatter.

levi didn’t say much.

not that he really did.

he much preferred listening to your voice as spoke, his hand resting on your waist, thumb absentmindedly moving back and forth.

“that one.” you say, raising your arm to point.

“which one?”

you nudge levi’s leg, raising your arm again. “there, the really bright one.”

he follows your finger this time, looking up.

“i see it now.”

you smiled to yourself before getting yourself comfortable as familiar silence fell between you both again.

your eyes remain fixed on the sky, watching the stars flicker faintly above you.

“wait,” you gasped, sitting up suddenly.

levi’s hand naturally reached out to steady you. “what?”

“look.” you say quickly, pointing at the sky again.

he follows your gaze just in time to see a bright streak of light cut through the night sky.

a shooting star.

“make a wish!” you say, immediately closing your eyes.

levi watches you for a moment.

“that’s not how it works.” he huffs, earning a nudge from you.

“just do it.” you insist.

he sighs in defeat, but he doesn’t close his eyes. just watches you quietly.

your soft expression, the small smile on your lips.

he didn’t need to close his eyes to make his wish.

he already knew.

you open your eyes and look up again, as if expecting the star to still be there and then turning to look at levi.

“what did you wish for?”

your question earned a scoff from him. “you’re not meant to say.”

“i know,” you smiled. “i’m going to tell you anyway.

he doesn’t reply. just looks at you, waiting for you to continue.

“i wished for things to stay like this. just us. for as long as possible.

if you looked closely you could see the smallest shift in levi’s expression.

“what about you?”

his face remained unreadable, stiff. but his hand reached for yours, holding it in his gently.

this was it.

the perfect opportunity to tell you just how he felt, no–

“captain!” a distant voice called, followed with the heavy sound of footsteps.

really? levi thought.

he slowly closed his eyes, composing himself before rising to his feet, holding his hand out to help you up next.

the scout was stood before you now, drawing deep breaths.

“captain, you’re both needed urgently. some movement has been detected at the left wing.”

and just like that the both of you were sucked back into work, your previous moment forgotten.

iv. on a walk

the spring breeze felt nice on your skin, cooling you down as the hot sun continued to beat down on you.

for the first time in a while, you had some time to yourself before training. but that wasn’t even the most shocking part. the most shocking part was the fact levi also had that same period of time off. so what better way to spend it than basking in the late afternoon sun whilst taking a quiet stroll through the grounds.

this was a rarity you both enjoyed whenever you had the chance.

the two of you walked a familiar path, hand in hand, taking in the stillness around you. it was quiet, peaceful in a way your lives rarely allowed, and for once there was nothing pressing waiting for either of you. no orders, no responsibilities.

this was perfect.

“we should think of heading back soon. i’m sure training will begin shortly,” levi said, glancing ahead.

you sighed softly, turning to face him. “come on, levi, don’t be like that.”

he frowned slightly, not understanding what he’d said wrong. he was right, you both had to head back soon.

“don’t you want to spend time with me?” you asked, stepping in front of him and wrapping your arms around his neck.

his hands found your waist easily, like they always did, holding you without thought. he liked when you touched him, even if he’d never say it out loud. there was something grounding about it, something he’d grown used to without realising.

“i am,” he said simply.

you smiled at that, studying his face for a second before leaning in. he met you halfway, your lips moving together in a way that felt second nature now.

he definitely liked this.

you let out a quiet hum against him as his grip tightened slightly, pulling you just a little closer as the kiss deepened. for a moment, everything else faded away.

levi knew.

this was it.

he’d planned it this time. waited for the right moment, made sure no one would be around, no one to interrupt or pull you away. everything was exactly how it should be.

slowly, his hand slipped from your waist, moving toward his pocket. his fingers closed around the small box, steady but deliberate as he pulled back from the kiss just slightly.

you followed instinctively, your forehead resting against his, your breath still warm against his lips.

“…what?” you murmured.

he hesitated for only a second before pulling the box out, holding it low between you. his thumb brushed against the lid, heart steady in his chest even as the weight of the moment settled around him.

this was it.

“…i—”

a drop of water hit your cheek.

you blinked.

then another.

and another.

you both glanced up at the sky just as the clouds that hadn’t been there moments ago seemed to roll in all at once.

“you’ve got to be kidding me,” you muttered.

within seconds, the light drizzle turned heavier, rain falling fast and sudden, soaking through your clothes before either of you could properly react.

you laughed, grabbing onto him as the rain came down harder. “okay, maybe we should go.”

levi stood there for a second longer, the box still in his hand, the moment slipping away in real time.

then he exhaled sharply, snapping it shut and shoving it back into his pocket.

“come on.”

he grabbed your hand, pulling you along as the two of you rushed back toward shelter, your laughter mixing with the sound of the rain hitting the ground.

by the time you made it inside, you were both soaked.

you pushed wet hair from your face, still smiling. “that was fun.”

“…you’ll catch a cold,” he muttered, clearly not happy with the rain.

“loosen up, grumpy,” you teased.

he didn’t respond.

just watched you for a second, taking in the way you looked; soaked and laughing.

the moment had been perfect.

everything had gone right.

and somehow, it still hadn’t happened.

v. at dinner

it was a special night tonight.

it was date night, which meant one of you cooked while the other stayed out of the way, and then you both sat down and ate together like nothing else mattered. it was a tradition you kept every month or so. something simple, but something you always found yourselves looking forward to. though tonight felt slightly different.

“wow, levi.” you smiled, taking a seat across from him.

he didn’t say much, just adjusted your chair slightly before sitting down himself. everything was neat, organised, exactly how he liked it. the food was still warm, the table set properly, not a single thing out of place.

levi had one rule on nights like these; no one was allowed to disturb. and everyone knew better. tonight, he had made sure of it.

because tonight, he was going to propose.

you picked up your fork, glancing at him again. “you went all out.”

“…it’s nothing.”

you smiled slightly, shaking your head. “it’s not nothing. this is really nice.”

he hummed quietly, his attention on you more than the food. he’d planned this. every detail, every moment, making sure nothing would go wrong. for once, everything was exactly how it should be.

the box sat in his pocket, heavier than usual.

this was it.

the conversation stayed easy between you, light and familiar, the kind that didn’t need effort. you spoke about nothing important; training, small things, whatever came to mind, and he let it happen, waiting for the right moment to shift it into something more.

when you finished, you leaned back slightly, letting out a soft breath. “i enjoyed that.”

“yeah.”

you smiled at him, softer now. “i like this. just us.”

his gaze lingered on you for a moment longer than usual. “so do i.”

silence followed, calm and steady, the kind that usually didn’t need filling. this was the moment.

levi felt it.

his hand moved slightly, brushing against his pocket where the box sat, waiting.

say it.

just say it.

“there’s something i want to say,” he said.

you looked up at him, curious but relaxed. “okay.”

his chest felt tight, not in fear, but in the weight of it. of what it meant. of how much it mattered. you watched him patiently, like you always did, and for some reason that made it harder.

his fingers curled slightly against his leg. the words were there, he could feel them. all he had to do was say them.

“…we should do this more often,” he said instead.

you blinked, then smiled faintly. “i was just thinking that.”

he nodded once, like that had been what he meant all along, like that had been the question. the moment shifted, just like that.

you kept talking, completely oblivious to what had almost been said.

and levi sat there, listening, responding when needed, like nothing had happened.

like he hadn’t just failed again.

this time, there was no interruption. no bad timing. no one to blame but himself.

just him.

and the words he couldn’t seem to say.

iv.

the room was warm, lit softly by the lamp in the corner, the glow low and golden as the record player spun lazily in the background. the music wasn’t loud, just enough to fill the space, paired with the faint crackle of the vinyl.

you were already halfway through the song when levi walked in.

bare feet against the floor, hair still damp from your shower, wearing one of levi’s shirts that hung loose on you. you hummed quietly to yourself, moving around the room without much care.

he stood near the door for a moment longer than necessary, watching you move around. it wasn’t anything new. he’d seen you like this before. but for some reason, tonight it felt different.

“if you fall and hurt yourself i won’t help.

you turned immediately, grin already forming. “don’t lie.”

“i won’t.” he lied, he knew if anything were to happen he’d be by your side in an instant.

“liar.”

he didn’t bother responding to that, but his eyes followed you as you walked toward him, like you’d expected him to just… join in.

which he wouldn’t.

“come here,” you said, holding your hand out.

“…no.”

“levi.”

“i said no.”

you pulled him forward before he could finish, laughing softly as he stumbled the slightest bit, more from surprise than anything else.

“you’re no fun,” you murmured, placing his hands on your waist yourself before resting yours loosely around his shoulders.

he looked down at you, unimpressed on the surface, but he didn’t move them away.

“i’m not dancing,” he muttered again.

“you don’t have to dance,” you said, already placing his hands on your waist. “just stand there and look pretty.”

“i don’t do that either.” he scoffs in disbelief.

“you’re doing it right now.”

he gave you a look for that.

you smiled wider.

and then you started swaying again, slow and easy, guiding him without asking, like you always did.

it didn’t take long before he stopped pretending to resist.

“see?” you murmured. “not so bad.”

he doesn’t respond to that, just grunting at your words.

you laughed, leaning in slightly, your forehead brushing his for a second before you pulled back just enough to look at him properly.

“you’d be miserable without me.”

“i’d be able to get more done.”

“exactly. miserable.”

he never said anything, but something in his expression softened just slightly.

enough for you to notice.

“do you like being with me?”

the question came out of nowhere and it caused you to look at him with confusion.

“of course i do.” you said like it were obvious.

“why..?”

you let out a small breath, almost a laugh. “what do you mean why?”

“why?” he repeated.

the tone in his voice told you he wasn’t joking with you and it made you frown a bit. to you it was obvious why you were with him but levi was failing to see the same.

because.. you’re always there when i need you, even if you pretend it inconveniences you. you care for me and you’re honest. you make me feel safe.”

levi’s eyes never left your face, even when he finished speaking. instead he ket silence consume the both of you as he thought of what to say.

“i know i don’t talk a lot about how i feel.”

you huffed quietly, a small smile tugging at your lips. “you could say that.”

“i don’t.. but i think about it. i think about it way more than i say it.” he speaks slowly.

your smile faded slightly, your attention fully on him.

“i’ve lost a lot of people growing up. people i thought would see grow old alongside me. and i constantly think of all the things i never said to them.”

his words made you chest tighten. he didn’t talk about his past often and you knew there were scars there, scars that would most likely never fully heal. but whenever he spoke of it to you, you couldn’t help but feel grateful that he trusted you enough to open up to you.

“i know that nothing in this lifetime is promised, especially with our line of work but also know i wouldn’t be able to live with myself if anything were to happen to you. i can’t let it happen again, not with you.”

your expression changed, your hands resting on his shoulders.

“i don’t want this to end because of something i should’ve said. i don’t want to lose you knowing i could’ve prevented it.”

you shook your head in response. “you’re not going to lose me.”

“you don’t know that.”

“i do.” you said, stepping closer, your hands tangling in his hair. “i’m not going anywhere.”

he looked at you properly, like he found it hard to believe.

“..then marry me.”

you couldn’t believe the words that’d left his mouth, you breath caught in your chest.

“what?” you questioned in disbelief.

his voice remained firm as he repeated his words.

“marry me,” he repeated, just as steady. “so i don’t have to keep wondering if you know how much i love you.”

your chest tightened at that, something warm and overwhelming settling in all at once.

“levi..”

you knew your answer and you also knew the fact that you hadn’t given him a proper answer yet was eating at him so you decided to mess with him a bit.

“there’s no ring.” you huffed in fake annoyance.

he paused, mentally cursing himself for being so unorganised.

“right..” was all he said before pulling away.

before you could react, he’d already crossed the room, opening the top drawer beside his side of the bed. you watched him, confusion settling in for a moment before he turned back around, the small black box now visible in his hand.

“…no way.”

he walked back over to you, slower this time. when he stopped in front of you, there was a brief second where he just looked at you before lowering himself onto one knee.

“will you marry me?”

you couldn’t believe this was actually happening. you just stared at him for a second, pure disbelief written all over your face before you nodded quickly, almost stumbling over your words.

“yes–of course i will.”

he slid the ring onto your finger carefully, his touch steady despite everything. when he stood, you didn’t even give him a second to say anything before you were pulling him into you, wrapping your arms tightly around him.

“i can’t believe you,” you murmured, your voice slightly shaky against him.

“do you like the ring?” he asked, his arms settling firmly around your waist.

you pulled back just enough to look at it again, a small smile breaking across your face. “of course i do.”

your gaze lifted back to his.

“i love you, levi.”

and for the first time in a while, you were met with a small smile.

“i love you too.”

you barely had a second to react before he pulled you back in, one hand coming up to your jaw, holding you there as he kissed you firmly, pouring all his emotions into the kiss.

when you pulled back, you let out a quiet laugh, still a little breathless. you shakily placed your hand on his chest, staring in pure shock as you get a proper look at the ring.

you stared at it properly this time, like it had only just sunk in.

“…oh my god.”

your voice was softer now, almost disbelieving, your thumb brushing over it like you needed to make sure it was real.

levi didn’t say anything.

he just watched you.

you glanced back up at him after a second, a small smile slowly forming. “did you plan this?”

he scoffed at the question, shaking his head.

“no.” he started. “i tried five times before this.”

that caught your attention immediately, laughter bubbling up in your chest.

“what? you’re kidding.”

levi shook his head, completely serious.

“i’m not.”

you pulled back slightly just to look at him properly, eyes narrowing a little like you were trying to figure out if he was messing with you. “…you’re lying.”

“…i’m not.”

“levi,” you laughed, shaking your head. “there’s no way you tried five times and i didn’t notice.”

“you didn’t.”

“that’s actually embarrassing for you.”

he gave you a look, unimpressed. “…it wasn’t my fault.”

“oh, so now it’s my fault?” you shot back, smiling.

“things kept getting in the way.”

you tilted your head, clearly entertained now. “you have to tell me about each time. in detail.”

he sighed quietly, like he already regretted saying anything.

the music from the record player continued to spin softly in the background, the faint crackle filling the space between you, playing a familiar tune.

you stepped a little closer, your arms settling comfortably around him as the two of you began to sway gently to the music.

“fine,” he muttered after a moment.

you smiled against him, resting your head on his shoulder as he started, reluctantly, to tell you about each failed attempt.

and as he spoke, quiet and low, you listened, that same warm feeling settling deep in your chest.

because every almost, every failed moment.

it had still led him here.

to you.

you smiled to yourself, eyes closing briefly as you held onto him just a little tighter.

yeah.