the first ghost story

I was really excited to be doing art for the story and quickly worked up a sketch and pulled together some references and started to put together something I was really looking forward to seeing, myself.

But then a beloved cat got seriously ill and died. And then my mother went into the hospital and we lost her after a truly terrible couple of months.

And I just...flaked. There are a couple of prize fics I had promised around that time I also ghosted people on. And it's bothered me ever since.

I haven't even done any art since then, though I've done a little writing here and there. But I've started to want to again. So I'm posting this sketch here, with my deepest apologies to @circees. It's a poor companion, and a late one, to a lovely story. I may finish it one of these days, just as I want to finish the two prize fics I promised and never delivered on.

I might be ready to do that. It will be a bit of a relief if I can. Anyway, here's to circling back around, even if it's been a hell of a rough road.

Please go read!

i'm so sorry to hear about everything that's happened, sending so much love your way <3 fwiw there are absolutely no apologies needed or hard feelings on my end, i'm only glad you took the time you needed and happy to hear that art is coming back to you

even just the sketch itself is so good, the stained glass is such a lovely touch and the way they're positioned / looking at each other is perfect.

see the drowned light pouring onto our hands? see me, foxglove at my mouth? we are both kneeling begging for forgiveness & absolution is an ochre-colored word / there’s never enough of it to turn to gold. rome crashes against the curve of your back. all roads lead back to you. 

& she says, there is a world where angels are made of sunrise & something ruinous. let me take you home. let me fold pages of history above our heads so we can search for something greater in them. you know i would have loved you in a past life.

The Slayer, they called me then. The Monster of Sentan. I’d killed nineteen people… I remember that number because I was so furious that they stopped me so close to my goal of twenty-one. And I didn’t just kill ordinary people, no, but the Chosen of the Gods. The Great and Good. They were terrified of me. So they locked me away, to die forgotten.

It had been a little less than a hundred years when the king died without heir, and a civil war tore the country apart. When the fighting was all over, the losers were dragged down to the deepest cells under the castle, and the new king and his soldiers stopped and stared at me. “Who… who is this?” he asked, frowning. “Some victim of the usurper?”

People like cooks and jailers and scrubbers don’t change as easily as kings. The same man who’d been bringing me my meals since there was still brown in his hair and beard shuffled forward, hunched and grey now. “No, yer majesty,” he said humbly. “That be a special prisoner, from before the old king died.”

“Special? Special how?” He frowned, moving closer to my cell. “The old king died more than ten years ago. This woman must have been a child then. What could she have done to - “

“Don’t get too close, yer majesty,” the old man said sharply. “That’s the Monster of Sentan… an’ she bites.”

That was true. I do bite.

Happy AAPI Heritage month Writeblr!

In addition to running my AMA, I want to celebrate this month by uplifting and highlighting people in the Writeblr community who identify as Asian American and Pacific Islander.

If you identify as AAPI, you are part of the Writeblr community, and you feel comfortable publicly identifying as AAPI, please let me know in the comments or reblogs of this post!

I will make a post with a list of AAPI writeblrs. My AAPI AMA post will be pinned to the top of my blog for the entire month of May, and I will also be adding a list of AAPI writeblrs to the bottom of that post for visibility. It will also be reblogged every so often as well.

So please reblog so that other people can see this, and let me know on this post if you'd like to be included on this list!

Where do they come from. What do

they hope to achieve.

you all say: I love you I

love you I love you.

There has been a half-complete version of post on my Dreamwidth journal under a “Private” filter (my eyes only) here since 9 December, 2018, just waiting for me to get the energy and mental focus to write an essay outlining all the textual evidence in Act 4, scene 1 (Ophelia’s “madness” scene). But at this point, I don’t think the required energy for that will ever come – at least, not for the long essay format.   So I’m just going to post my conspiracy theory Thesis Statement here:

Ophelia did not commit suicide – she was murdered. By Queen Gertrude (probably).

Just imagine how classroom discussions, and essays in literary academic journals would go if it were read that Ophelia did not break under the weight of a cruel world, but instead had to be eliminated because she knew too much, and was on the brink of inciting a rebellion against King Claudius (Yes, that’s actually alluded to in the text).

QUEEN GERTRUDE:  I will not speak with her. Gentleman:  She is importunate, indeed distract:    Her mood will needs be pitied. QUEEN GERTRUDE:  What would she have? Gentleman:  She speaks much of her father; says she hears    There’s tricks i’ the world; and hems, and beats her heart;    Spurns enviously at straws; speaks things in doubt,    That carry but half sense: her speech is nothing,    Yet the unshaped use of it doth move    The hearers to collection; they aim at it,    And botch the words up fit to their own thoughts;    Which, as her winks, and nods, and gestures    yield them,    Indeed would make one think there might be thought,    Though nothing sure, yet much unhappily.

A bit later, Ophelia comes in, singing. Not of flowers, yet, but alternating between a mourning song, and a very bawdy song that a young noble lady of sixteen years should not be singing in public, just in time for Claudius to hear her.

KING CLAUDIUS:  Conceit upon her father.

OPHELIA:   Pray you, let’s have no words of this; but when they    ask you what it means, say you this: [translation: You want to know what it means? I’ll tell you what it means!]

   Sings    To-morrow is Saint Valentine’s day,    All in the morning betime,    And I a maid at your window,    To be your Valentine.    Then up he rose, and donn’d his clothes,    And dupp’d the chamber-door;    Let in the maid, that out a maid    Never departed more. KING CLAUDIUS:  Pretty Ophelia! OPHELIA:  Indeed, la, without an oath, I’ll make an end on’t: [Let me finish!]    Sings    By Gis and by Saint Charity,    Alack, and fie for shame!    Young men will do’t, if they come to’t;    By cock, they are to blame.    Quoth she, before you tumbled me,    You promised me to wed.    So would I ha’ done, by yonder sun,    An thou hadst not come to my bed.

[So here’s a song about a woman having sex out of wedlock because a guy promised to repay her… and then he reneges on his promise because she had sex with him]

And then Ophelia exits, spouting seeming madness, and Claudius says to Horatio:

Follow her close; give her good watch, I pray you.

So Claudius suspects something – whether that’s a suicide watch, or to make sure she doesn’t inspire rebellion – isn’t explicitly stated in text.  But in any case,  Ophelia’s not alone.

Then, Leartes comes in, leading a mob of commoners, who  are chanting that he should be king (see the comment of Gentleman, above). And we have this exchange:

Leartes: Where is my father?

Claudius: Dead.

Gertrude: But not by him.

That, right there, is a single line of iambic pentameter. Which means that Gertrude literally does not skip a beat to defend Claudius before thinking of protecting her own son.

And now Ophelia comes in and sings her “mad flower song.” This Wordpress article outlines the symbolism of each flower and herb (It also spells out specific actions by Ophelia which are not spelled out in the original). The meaning flies right over our heads, but audiences of the time would have grokked it immediately; There’s “Grief” and “remembrance;” there’s also “flattery” and “deceived lovers” and an herb commonly used to induce abortions…

And the next news we hear of Ophelia is that she’s “Drowned herself.” Who delivers this news? Queen Gertrude – with an overabundance of minute detail of the scene as it happened.

Finally, there’s the fact that Ophelia was being hastily buried in the churchyard – even though that was strictly forbidden for suicides. The younger gravedigger thinks that’s because Ophelia was a privileged noblewoman, and getting special treatment. The older gravedigger reminds him (and the audience) that not all people who die by drowning are at fault…

And then I realized that Hamlet had to have the murder plot revealed to him by the ghost of his father, because he was away at school, but Ophelia was there at court, the whole time, and could have seen everything going down. But who pays attention to teenage girls hanging around the edges, or worries about what they see or don’t see, amirite?

I do think Ophelia was having a mental breakdown, triggered by grief and shock. But I think it was more of the “loss of situational awareness” and “blind to the danger” variety, instead of “no longer have the will to live” variety.

Thank you.

And then there are these lines from Queen Gertrude, after she agrees to talk with Ophelia, and Horatio exits to go fetch her:

To my sick soul, as sin’s true nature is, Each toy seems prologue to some great amiss: So full of artless jealousy is guilt, It spills itself in fearing to be spilt.

I’ve always liked that line about spilling something because you’re trying too hard not to (because RELATABLE). But I only just now realized that Shakespeare was putting underlines and circles and arrows around the whole issue of the queen’s quilt (and active role in the whole scheme with Claudius), by making those lines a pair of rhyming couplets, when  nothing else in that scene rhymes.

I think the common interpretation of Ophelia has been handed down to us by literary critics and theater directors, who have all been men, and idealized the manic pixie dream gilrl, so they’ve always cast Ophelia as the tragic and doomed version of that.

Finally, there’s the fact that Ophelia was being hastily buried in the churchyard – even though that was strictly forbidden for suicides. The younger gravedigger thinks that’s because Ophelia was a privileged noblewoman, and getting special treatment. The older gravedigger reminds him (and the audience) that not all people who die by drowning are at fault… 

I went back and reread that bit (which really should be included in the list of evidence that Hamlet is a black comedy – in the script, the two gravediggers are named “First Clown” and “Second Clown.”

Anyway, it’s the elder gravedigger who argues that Ophelia committed suicide, but in the process, reminds the audience that it shouldn’t be counted as such. I’ll just quote that bit:

Give me leave. Here lies the water; good: here stands the man; good; if the man go to this water, and drown himself, it is, will he, nill he, he goes,–mark you that; but if the water come to him and drown him, he drowns not himself: argal, he that is not guilty of his own death shortens not his own life.

So, he’s arguing that because Ophelia went into the water, she must have committed suicide – but we, in the audience, who’ve just witnessed Ophelia’s madness just a few scenes earlier (even ignoring Queen Gertrude’s suspicious behavior), know that Ophelia did not “Wittingly” go into the water, because she was (at the very least) so lost in madness that she fell in accidentally.

(Instead, I opted to post something new, to put fresh thoughts in my brain)

I would suggest Ophelia’s murder didn’t start with the drowning, and that it wasn’t even entirely related to Laertes.

So first, we have her song about sex out of wedlock. It’s worth noting that much earlier in the play, when she and Laertes speak right before the “to thine own self be true” speech, there are hints that she herself is already “a maid no more,” at Hamlet’s hand. Now keep in mind the rest of the play takes place over the course of, at a minimum, several months, and:

If that’s true, and if perhaps Ophelia has a Little Problem, that little problem–legitimate or not–is heir to the throne.

So if it gets out that Claudius might have been responsible for the death of Hamlet, Sr–and Hamlet, Jr gives us plenty of reasons to be suspicious even before the ghost appears–then he’s almost certainly going to die at the hands of a mob. In which case Hamlet would ascend to the throne, but–oh, what’s this? Hamlet’s dead? Well, then the next in line is–

–a commoner’s child.

Yikes.

So Gertrude offers Ophelia some help with her Little Problem. All of the plants mentioned in the “mad flower song” could be used, in conjunction with each other, as abortifacients, but there’s one very important thing to note about them:

They have to be very, very precisely measured. Or they can cause sudden severe mood swings, hemorrhaging, excessive bleeding, disorientation, lack of focus, muscle weakness, difficulty breathing, unconsciousness, and death.

What an incredible month! I want to thank all of you who made this final month of the contest such a success. It was wonderful reading the stories created by such incredibly talented writers that I’ve met throughout the duration of this contest. I was also deeply moved by those of you who mentioned how this contest has inspired you over the past couple of years. I am glad to know that my little project was able to have a positive impact in some small way.

I think this has been the most difficult month yet to judge. Each entry was just amazing and presented a completely different take on this image. However, not choosing a winner would make a rather anti-climatic end to the contest. So here goes…

The winner for this month’s contest is… @circees​! Congratulations! I was captured by the simple exchange of affection that was presented in this piece. Something about it just spoke to me. I believe this writer may have more than one Tumblr page, but I’m sticking with the tag that this post was submitted from. @circees​, if you want to direct readers to any other page to see more of your work, please feel free to link in the comments below.

I hope anyone reading this will also look for my Honorable Mentions post later today to see the other stories that were contenders for the win.

As a reminder, the piece for the contest is titled, “Scientia,” and it’s an example of yet another mythical being that was generated from the mind of @hydraart​. If you’re into fantasy/horror art and you’re not familiar with this artist’s work, you can click here to see a vast collection of original work.

There had once been a mighty castle that loomed where the creature now sat, but it was long gone now, down to the dust and the remains. The land was barren and flat, guarded by unforgiving mountains on three sides, and the god that perched in its center tilted its monstrous head.

“Traveler,” it murmured, voice resounding through the mountains. The sound fell flat just short of reaching the traveler’s ears - it came back small and unassuming, as if a child were speaking. To that end, it was far from impressive, despite the god’s hulking mass, but the traveler knew better than to rely on mortal senses. “You return again.”

“I always do,” the traveler said - their own voice came out equally small and flat, but the god did not struggle to hear. “I always will.”

The pair - monstrous god, fearless traveler - shared the silence for a few moments later, eyes fixed carefully on each other.

At long last, the traveler spoke. “Old God,” they said. “I’ve come to ask permission to rebuild your shrine and city.”

The god chuckled, a sound that stayed heavy. “You always say this,” it murmured. “You always ask this. You have not proven yourself capable - you should be better suited to asking if I can move the moon or stars.”

The traveler remained stubborn, and pulled a half-stick of incense and a packet of dried apples from their bag. “For your shrine, majesty,” they said.

The god eyed the gifts. The traveler eyed the god. It is a game they have played before, but one neither of them have won.

very honored to have won this!! I’m so glad you liked the story !!!!

If you saw my previous post, you know that this will be the last contest for the time being. If you missed that announcement, you can read it here.  I thought it was only appropriate for me to bring things to a close by featuring my favorite and most featured artist. Virginie Juteau @hydraart is not only an incredibly gifted creator of monsters, but has also been continually supportive of this contest over the years. I couldn’t resist featuring one more of this artist’s incredible creations.

The final piece for the contest is titled, “Scientia,” and it’s an example of yet another mythical being that was generated from the mind of @hydraart. If you’re into fantasy/horror art and you’re not familiar with this artist’s work, you can click here to see a vast collection of original work.

“Traveler,” it murmured, voice resounding through the mountains. The sound fell flat just short of reaching the traveler’s ears - it came back small and unassuming, as if a child were speaking. To that end, it was far from impressive, despite the god’s hulking mass, but the traveler knew better than to rely on mortal senses. “You return again.”

“I always do,” the traveler said - their own voice came out equally small and flat, but the god did not struggle to hear. “I always will.”

The pair - monstrous god, fearless traveler - shared the silence for a few moments later, eyes fixed carefully on each other.

At long last, the traveler spoke. “Old God,” they said. “I’ve come to ask permission to rebuild your shrine and city.”

The god chuckled, a sound that stayed heavy. “You always say this,” it murmured. “You always ask this. You have not proven yourself capable - you should be better suited to asking if I can move the moon or stars.”

The traveler remained stubborn, and pulled a half-stick of incense and a packet of dried apples from their bag. “For your shrine, majesty,” they said.

The god eyed the gifts. The traveler eyed the god. It is a game they have played before, but one neither of them have won.