꙳ ꙳

Initial contact

Fiona Frost (Nightfall) ▪︎ Anya Forger

Obtained supply

Cooper (hospital clerk) ▪︎ Fiona Frost (Nightfall)

Proceeding contact

Fiona Frost (Nightfall) ▪︎ Anya Forger

Sayaka, who blames herself for having feelings, internalises her anger, doesn't express it until it bubbles over in dramatic ways. She does this because she believes that her emotions are selfish in the face of other people's suffering, just like how many people through childhood trauma are lead to believe that they are wrong for feeling angry or expressing it. She is also highly intune with the injustices of the world which is something people with more explosive anger issues can relate to (me).

And Homura who is also in this state where she can only blame herself for what is going on, she speaks calmly and matter of factly but it comes out sideways- she has lost touch with her own emotions to the point where nobody understands where she is coming from, a lot like someone who is stuck repressing their anger. Homura herself doesn't want to blame anyone, not even Kyubey really, for what is going on. She lets bygones be bygones until it's something she can't ignore, something that influences Madoka's fate. Even Kyubey she forgives and lets live in a world where Madoka doesn't exist. And still that anger bubbles up when she interacts with Sayaka, whom she tries to act neutrally towards, whom she offers to help by giving her a griefseed, but who turns her down regardless, calling her a fake bitch in the process. And it is fake, dear reader, but as someone who has lost touch with their own feelings, has locked them away, the mask is the only way to know yourself.

Both of them are so angry. So angry that, to people like me who might relate, them bringing out that anger with eachother feels like the sweetest confession of who they are. Sayaka, who desperately wants to be a heroine, doing the wrong thing with Homura. Homura, who can't be herself, drifting at the bottom of the ocean, gains the will to struggle and swim again when Sayaka is with her.

When ch 137 dropped, I somewhat expected we'd see Loid in the hospital, but I wasn't expecting such a lore drop and plot development toward the "Medical Symposium arc"…and a potential Anya-Big Boss meeting! With Loid out of the picture, Fiona has a time to shine.

First off, Loid, whoa. Look at those gaunt cheeks. You are not okay! He's exhausted. Loid (like some of us) thinks he needs to be responsible for everything have a tendency to overwork ourselves, push and push and not delegate because everything will fall apart if he (we) don't take care of it, right? Hmmm…. Even in bed Loid is stressing about Anya not missing language class and tries to jump out and chase her (while attached to an IV) But sometimes weakness must be forced upon one (Loid) so you can give others a chance to help. Perhaps being an orphan influenced Loid's mindset in that no one will do it for you unless you do it yourself. He's slowly being challenged to change that mindset, as he lives in a family and is learning to trust others.

Luckily Fiona can step in where he can't. I like Fiona. Truly. She's got grit, resolve, thoroughness and is highly committed, but girl, you need to let Loid go. And the Neo-STRIX thing. Yor can take care of him. (Sigh. She is just as stubborn as Loid.)

Like Anya, she can be placated by candy.

It's funny to see Fiona calling Anya a beast and a bug and funnier still for Anya to call her "Tennis Lady" & "Hard-no-Mama". Not sure if Anya means "That Mama? Hard No!" or that Fiona is hard and "not-the-Mama"…maybe both. Anyway, Hard-No-Mama is resolved to go to the symposium in Loid's place, and Anya is resolved to stop her from being the Mama…and Mama Yor chases after to find Anya. And Loid must resolve himself to their ministrations to be of service to him. (Ministrations--see what I did there?)

Then Anya gets lost and needs to find the way to the mini-strayshun, ie, the administration building.

Meanwhile, Fiona in investigating and runs into the "slimeball" Gerald Gorey (there we agree) and he gives her some leads via Dr. Surjay (that name!) and his car being in the underground lot. It seems a stretch to call a 1958 car in late 60s Ostania a classic, but hey, maybe it's a rare car when everybody else drives little Trabants. Fiona sneaks down to the parking lot to find Dr. Surjay's car is still warm but then she notices another elite's car by guarded by bodyguards--a Desmond personal vehicle. Donovan Desmond. And Fiona quakes.

Why is Donovan here? Has he come to learn the latest neurological reseach? Or is he here to meet Dr. Surjay? Dr. Authen? A secret meeting with doctors attached to Project Apple? To get a tune-up for his mind? All the above, or more…

Likewise Anya may run into Dr. Surjay, or Donovan, as fans have been speculating. There's a possibility Anya might try to read his mind, yet if so, she may encounter static (like with Demetrius) or the clash of their powers might make Anya fall asleep, like it did in Loid's first meeting with Desmond. I'm skeptical if Anya will meet Desmond this time but an almost run-in is possible, which might lead to an Anya backstory. But another risk is Donovan reading the thoughts of Fiona, Yor, or even Loid if he is near Loid's hospital room (less likely) yet now Fiona and Yor are on the chase while Loid is bound.

I’m here for the Drama 💖

In honor of recent events, here’s some Okarun Aira posting! (Bonus polydan)

Thanks, Akane.

You know how elevated fandoms would get if we openly discussed stuff like Nightfall's emotional motivations without questions about shipping coming in because this has absolutely nothing to do with shipping. I just can't help looking away from how happy Twilight looks in Nightfall's imaginings. She's imagining their wedding and she doesn't even see herself smiling. Of course she would be happy if it happened (it won't), but the focus of her own fantasy is his happiness.

And what I'm trying to say here is that if the genders were reversed, if Twilight was a woman slowly building a relationship with a guy she's fake married to, and Nightfall as a guy came strutting in, all confident that he'll win her heart and make her happy, fully prepared to dedicate himself to her, with her and her happiness as his top priority, the fandom would be drooling over him. Think about how many love triangles are created because a confident broody guy appears who is willing to fight for his female beloved's heart even by steering her away from the one the fandom first shipped her with. Think about how many of those "dark, broody men" become fan favourites and blorbos. But the moment this happens with a woman we're ready to crucify her - even when the narrative itself wants you to sympathize with her.

Like, I'm not saying y'all should love Nightfall right the f now. But fandoms are weird in a way where they prioritize shipping and are also much more critical of female characters than they are of male characters. And Nightfall is the perfect victim for this combination... and it's just so sad because the narrative doesn't want you to do that. It doesn't want you to compare the two ships because it makes it clear that her fantasy is a dream that will never come true. There is no ship comparison to make because there is no other ship. It doesn't want you to hate her because it gives her traits that show that her true motivation is respect for Twilight, the guy we're supposed to connect with and root for - respect to the point where she doesn't even consider lying to him to get in his good grades.

Nightfall's story is not about her being the "annoying hypotenuse" or the "deceiving, seducing vixen"... it's currently tragic. She dedicates her entire being to make herself worthy of the man she's in love with, and that blinds her to what exactly he truly finds worthy in another person. So she ends up being the exact opposite of that and giving him a 100% wrong idea. And it's also, ultimately, not what will make her happy. No-one becomes happy by dedicating their entire being to becoming perfect for someone else, we become happy when we're accepted for who we are.

And idk Nightfall is an amazing flip on such tropes and it's done so simply that I honestly wish to see more of her, and to see her grow and realize where she's gone wrong and to try and focus on her own happiness. A happiness she can reach by being honest to herself first and foremost, and by not being aggressive towards people she thinks are being "obstacles" on her way towards it.

And how in general we are fed the idea of how being in love with an emotionally unavailable man is something shameful, and a waste and laughing stock. (It’s not emotionally effective but it isn’t shameful).

If you are not appealing to a man then there’s absolutely no other value that matters. Even if you are remarkable at other aspects of life. The love of some man is a reward and his indifference a punishment for not being a walking male fantasy.

Man, Akasaka is such a coward, he should have just embraced the yuri instead of repeating the same method, with a male character that time around, because that's literally what he did 🤣