well, shit.

hawke laughed softly. she was right, hawke was not cut out for that at all. ❝no, no, i’m just a sarcastic asshole. i’m hilarious because i’m such an ass. it’s the best kind of humor,❞ she explained with a wink. she nodded, cracking a small smile. ❝that is correct. i swear it’s a real place just... not here,❞ she muttered. hawke shrugged her shoulders. ❝at least in the afterlife i wouldn’t have to deal with sounding like i’m making a place up.❞ 

❝i look at the negative side of things because everything i touch turns to shit. the path chose for me was not for me to cause a mage and templar war - it was for me to get drunk and occasionally kill my enemies,❞ hawke quipped. sarcasm was in her nature. her father never took anything seriously so it was easy to say she was very much her father’s daughter. ❝dear bethany, did i tell you about the time i was in the fade to get an apostate mage out? that was a wild time.❞

❝kirkwall. it’s a city,❞ hawke clarified. her brows furrowed further at her shortness. ❝is everything alright? i may not be the nicest person to talk to... but i’ve got a knack for fixing everyone’s problems.❞

hawke was considerably amused by her statement. usually people regarded her highly, when she wasn’t being the biggest asshole in the city. ❝telling the champion of kirkwall to go? is that wise?❞ she chuckled. ❝though my name doesn’t carry as much weight as it used to... why should i listen to you?❞

❝it’s simple, really,❞ hawke answered with a lazy grin. ❝practice blood magic! it’s the hottest trend for mages in thedas,❞ she joked. her face fell slightly, and she cleared her throat awkwardly. after what happened to her mother with that blood mage, it was a very tricky subject for her. ❝i should not have joked about that.❞

❝i tend to attract the crazy types, i’ll be quite honest. most notably an apostate that blew up the chantry, an adorable blood mage, a lustful pirate captain, a broody elf, a disgraced prince, and an elven assassin at one point? but i am very much attracted to people who either balance me out and take things very seriously or they’re fun-loving like i am. those close to me end up dying though.❞

hawke felt relieved. it really had been a while since she had seen her sister. was it the kirkwall rebellion? she couldn’t remember because all hawke seemed to do was run from templars anyway. her companions had separated from her and the only one she truly kept in contact with was varric and aveline. ❝varric called for me. apparently he’s working with the inquisition now, isn’t that crazy? he told me that corypheus was involved with the breach and that the wardens were acting strangely. so i was on my way to meet the inquisitor and suddenly i’m in an entirely different world.❞ she chuckled bitterly. ❝why does all the bad stuff happen to me?❞

❝now wouldn’t that be amusing? the chantry is actually just a cult and the maker is a false god. i’d pay varric to write about it,❞ hawke mused with a lazy smirk. maker, explaining to a complete stranger why thedas and earth seemed nothing alike would be a pain in the ass. though hawke had dealt with violent qunari, power-hungry templars, and hundreds of darkspawn, this seemed like the most daunting thing the champion of kirkwall had to face. ❝unless there’s a continent here called thedas, i can’t say that you’re wrong. unfortunate, isn’t it? i’m just as baffled as you are.❞ hawke sighed agitatedly. ❝well, shit.❞

hawke had only one thing on her mind: finding a way back to thedas and far away from this futuristic alternate reality. but there were some good things to this new reality, she looked and felt as young as she did when she left lothering. speaking of lothering, was that--? ❝bethany?❞ her sister’s name slipped out of her mouth in surprise. ❝this day just gets better and better. i thought you were off doing maker-knows-what with the wardens? i asked aveline to find you because of strange acting wardens- oh, never mind.❞ she held her arms out and grinned. ❝come give your favorite sister a hug.❞

❝maker, did they really? what a vile, cruel city this place is,❞ hawke said amusingly. her brows furrowed slightly. ❝you don’t happen to... know the arishok, right? because i’m sorry for every qunari who was involved in the siege of kirkwall and had no say in it.❞ she shrugged her shoulders. ❝i know it was disavowed at kont-aar, but i can’t help but wonder.❞

❝no, you’re not the maker. the maker is a deity. he created our world, but also abandoned us in our time of need. that’s what the chantry says at least.❞ hawke chuckled nervously. ❝i’m not always rude. i’m just a sarcastic bastard. humor is the only way for me to cope with life.❞

hawke shrugged her shoulders indifferently. ❝science? it’s just the maker’s way of the world,❞ she concluded. oh, fantastic, this girl wasn’t from thedas. why should she be surprised? hawke had never encountered someone who didn’t know at least a little bit about her background, and she didn’t mean it in a cocky way. hawke was very notorious. ❝oh, yeah, right, not a roleplaying experience. it turns out that i’m not even close to home. i’m in a totally different reality, and i really hope this isn’t the afterlife.❞

❝andraste’s ass, you’ve got the strength of a qunari,❞ hawke blurted out in awe as she watched the man work out. she still hadn’t gotten used to this society. the more she talked, the more she made herself look like an idiot. ❝and i forgot what i was saying because woah, those muscles.❞

❝oh, maker, what a perfect excuse! i should use that in the future.❞ hawke rolled her eyes. ❝’hawke, why are the apostates and templars at war?’ ‘there is not an explanation, you know? that’s just how it is, that’s all’,❞ she said sarcastically. she flashed the girl an apologetic smile. ❝sorry, i’ve had a rough past few years.❞