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it starts small, indulging in a few cravings. you ate lunch, but it wouldn’t hurt to swing by the coffee shop on the way home from work for a doughnut. and after dinner that night, you might as well finish off the pint of ice cream in the freezer. you meant to only have a couple scoops, but 3/4 of the tub isn’t that crazy

then you start catching yourself thinking about having four meals a day instead of three. breakfast before work, lunch on your break, a stop at the drive thru on the way home, and dinner to top it all off. it sounds exciting, letting yourself go a little wild like that, so what could it hurt?

a few weeks in, you’re starting to notice it on your figure. your belly sticks out, you have to loosen your belt by a notch, the sleeves of your shirts feel a little tighter around your arms

but that’s even more exciting

your meals grow, two taking up the space of one, and the tightness in your belly, the vague wooziness, the euphoria of knowing you’re already creeping up on your daily “limit” of calories all in one sitting… it’s addicting

you spend the better part of your day stuffed to the gills, belly straining against your clothes, meals never missed, and moments in-between have at least one of your hands in a bag of snacks. you’re loath to let the tight, full feeling in your belly dissipate. you always want your stomach chewing on something, giving your body no time to work through the excess fat accumulating under your skin. it’s exciting, watching it pile on, especially when you’re cramming even more food into your mouth

your fat multiplies, and with that, so does your appetite, and with that, your urge to stuff yourself even more

you fondle your belly, pinch your hips, wobble your thighs, and grunt every time you have to stand your fat ass up to grab another plate heaped with food

it reaches a point where you’re gasping, whimpering, moaning as you sit, surrounded by rolls and layers of lard, and shoving treat after treat into your mouth. you hardly even chew, completely desperate to cram as much food into your body as you can, delirious under your gluttony as it completely takes over your pleasure receptors

your stomach hurts, just a little, from how much you’ve eaten, but it makes your head spin. you know you should stop, but the thrill keeps you going. your belly is red, round, and firm to the touch even when it’s so soft and wide that it takes up the space of three people. but you keep eating. you can practically feel the fat melting onto your body, making you heavier, wider, flabbier

check out the HAES health sheet library, they have printable sheets for how weight stigma impacts diagnoses like heart disease, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and more. you can also print out their primer page on why they don't recommend intentional weight loss:

The short answer is that intentional weight loss attempts almost never lead to long-term significant weight loss or improvement in health, and often have negative side effects. Dieting Doesn’t Work We’re defining “dieting” here as any attempt to manipulate body size through food and/or movement – this would include short-term diets, “fad” diets, diets that eliminate foods, and diets that are referred to as “lifestyle changes.” If the goal is to create weight loss through food and/or movement, it counts! While most people are able to lose weight short term, almost everyone gains it back, with up to two-thirds of people gaining back more than they lost. So even if someone believes that becoming thinner would lead to health improvements (and that’s a big “if”) recommending intentional weight loss attempts is the worst possible advice, since it has the opposite of the intended effect the majority of the time. Weight Cycling Can Be Dangerous Repeated dieting typically means repeated cycles of weight loss and regain. This is “weight cycling” (sometimes referred to as “yo-yo dieting”) and it comes with its own negative side effects. In fact, the research shows that it is possible that the association between weight and health risk can be better attributed to weight cycling than body size. Weight cycling is associated with a shorter lifespan, and has been shown to increase the risk of diabetes, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, and heart disease. The Harm of Weight Stigma Internalized negative attitudes about weight, known as weight stigma, is another mediator between body size and health. Studies show that weight stigma increases the risk of high blood pressure, metabolic syndrome, diabetes, high cholesterol, and eating disorders. This means that placing the focus of medical care on weight management is harmful and has the opposite of its intended effect on health. Dieting Leads to Eating Disorders Dieting is one of the most important predictors of development of eating disorders. In fact, prescribing diets often equates to prescribing disordered eating behaviors. Dieting can lead to severe restrictive eating and malnutrition, cycles of starvation and binge eating, as well as other eating disorder behaviors and their medical complications. Weight Loss Pills and Surgeries Carry Risks Weight loss medications may lead to short-term weight loss, but cause weight cycling in the long run, along with other potential side effects. Weight loss surgeries carry a significant risk of many complications, including death. The research shows that there are more effective ways to positively impact health that do not risk lifelong side-effects. Weight-Neutral Health Is a Research-Based Paradigm The evidence that exists around weight and health shows that, understanding that health is not an obligation, barometer of worthiness, or entirely within our control, weight-neutral interventions are health-promoting and carry a much lower chance of negative side effects.

For a thoroughly cited review of the evidence, the Association for Size Diversity and Health recommends reading these two journals:

Then I take your softened double chin in my hand, tilting your head up to look me in the eyes before kissing you deeply. "I have never been more proud of you," I whisper affectionately as my hand gently caresses your swollen tummy.