* 𝐂𝐇𝐄𝐂𝐊𝐌𝐀𝐓𝐄 !

and floridians are just as human as you and me!

and the moral of the story is that there are no deadly snakes native to alaska

you might know this guy as one of the only archaeologists cool enough to be mentioned by indiana jones

it’s my dream to have my name said by harrison ford

i’m not going to apologize for having this class at 6am because you paid for it and it’s your fault. 

we don’t all dress like lara croft. i tried to get it to be a thing on a dig and my colleagues yelled at me. 

they were pretty good archaeologists except they were too racist to realize anything they found. 

i take back what i said about us not dressing like lara croft because lewis binford here is wearing nothing but short shorts and a cowboy hat. take notes for an academic halloween costume!

archaeologists can be good artists! not me, though. or anyone i know. but if you can draw just know you have options.

sometimes you find dead bodies when you dont really expect it and you just have to deal with it

archaeologists are the only people allowed to get exited when they find corpses. 

once i ruined thanksgiving dinner when i told my family i had gotten my degree in archaeology and my uncle commented he liked dinosaurs too

ah yes. archaeologists. or, as i love to call us,  pottery analysts

i mean he was kind of a good guy for helping us beat britain but he owned slaves so that really cancelled it out.

archaeology is like cultural anthropology, except after you interview the person you turn around and shoot them in the head.

do not use trees! trees are bad! don’t do it!

usually you find shards, but it’s super exciting when you find a really big shard

it’s basically like a waterpark, except you’re fully clothed and walking through a dark tunnel knee deep in muddy water. so, basically splish splash.

 i dont believe in curses but my colleagues and i like to encourage the idea of them so people stop touching our stuff

usually, you would find a knife in a kitchen. or underneath your pillow to really freak out your roommate who is a history nerd and has no idea why you would sleep with a knife under your pillow and he’ll get really scared and freaked out and okay i’m getting off topic

no matter what the other scientists say, archaeology is a real science.

don’t worry, i promise you, and whatever government agency that’s spying on me right now,  that i’m not a crazy communist trying to overthrow the government

by now you’ve noticed the big “POP QUIZ” written on the board. there isn’t one, but i wanted to see the looks on your face when you saw it. but you’re all dead inside so it’s not really funny.

everything was fine except the citizens of pompeii just woke up dead the next day

the number one question you should ask when you read old archaeology papers is “how the hell do you know?”

nothing pisses off old men more than young people asking “why” and “prove it” so do that as often as possible

when in doubt, it’s ritualistic

coprolites are the only shit archaeologists get excited over

i know the only reason you’re not laughing at my hilarious jokes is because it’s early 

they called it the garbage project. which is also what people call the projects i work on when we apply for funding.

what you have to realize is that people are fundamentally weird. they do weird stuff now and they have done it thousands of years ago.

things come and go but pottery is forever

i dont know if you all know this but moose are terrifying abominations. 

and today’s lesson is about the difference between dirt and soil!

please, please, please do not eat old butter you found buried in a bog.

Colophon: a statement at the end of a book containing the scribe or owner’s name, date of completion, or bitching about how hard it is to write a book in the dark ages

Oh, my hand

The parchment is very hairy

Thank God it will soon be dark

St. Patrick of Armagh, deliver me from writing

Now I’ve written the whole thing; for Christ’s sake give me a drink

Oh d fuckin abbot

Massive hangover

Whoever translated these Gospels did a very poor job

Cursed be the pesty cat that urinated over this book during the night

If someone else would like such a handsome book, come and look me up in Paris, across from the Notre Dame cathedral

I shall remember, O Christ, that I am writing of Thee, because I am wrecked today

Do not reproach me concerning the letters, the ink is bad and the parchment scanty and the day is dark

11 golden letters, 8 shilling each; 700 letters with double shafts, 7 shilling for each hundred; and 35 quires of text, each 16 leaves, at 3 shilling each. For such an amount I won’t write again

Here ends the second part of the title work of Brother Thomas Aquinas of the Dominican Order; very long, very verbose; and very tedious for the scribe; thank God, thank God, and again thank God

( a divine spirit & the millennium item ) 

if you take a look at the wiki page trivia for reshef the dark being , you will see a little tidbit that says ‘ resheph is a syrian war god worshipped by ancient egyptians in the past ’ . card trivia also says that as a spirit , reshef was capable of devouring the three gods , represented as the lights in its armor . using any form of yu gi oh logic , that’s horrifying . 

reshef is also the ‘ ace monster ’ used by the other alex in capsule monsters . by the logic of atem can fuse with any of his monsters because he’s the pharaoh , but other people would only be able to have one — eg jou ends up with red eyes in one of the trials , it means that for anyone not atem , the duel spirit that would be the ace is also the ka . or duel spirit associated with the soul … or whatever that is . 

what the heck then does that mean about reshef & the other alex ? well , it . it’s a dark bakura situation . rewinding a long period of time , alexander the great was in possession of the millennium ring . the other card name for reshef is ‘ reshef the great evil god ’

you know who else is called that ? zorc necrophades . 

the point of this is ‘ the other alex ’ , originally made because the millennium ring decided to absolutely demolish a second (?) host ( possibly there were others in between ? ) , would call himself ‘ war god reshef ’ , or others would say he was ‘ reshef the great evil god ’ . in truth , ‘ reshef ’ is also zorc , but instead of merging with the thief king , he merged with a conqueror king instead . 

“  i’ve polished this anger and now it’s a knife.  ” 

“  i’m fine, i’ve had worse.  ”

“  death too must be earned.  ”

“  how do you destroy a monster without becoming one ?  ”

“  am i a bad person ?  ”

“  family isn’t who you’re born with, it’s who you’d die for.  ” 

“  are you flirting or starting a fight ?  ”

“  i’ll survive, somehow i always do.  ”

“  um.. that’s my emotional support knife collection.  ”

“  tell me; would you kill to save a life ?  ”

“  i am someone who did not die when they should of.  ”

“  i’ve never been good at emotional stuff. except anger. i’m good at anger.  ”

“  you can’t protect everyone !  ”

“  i have to try.  ”

“  turn the pain into power.  ” 

“  what doesn’t kill me better run.  ”

“  are monster born or created ?  ”

“  chin up kid, they’d kill to see you fall.  ”

“  if he puts his hands on you, cut them off.  ”

“  i could keep you safe. they’re all afraid of me.  ”

“  don’t play games with me. don’t ever think you’re capable of that.  ”

“  the question isn’t who is going to let me; it’s who is going to stop me.  ”

“  something had made your eyes go cold.  ”

“  you haven’t even seen my bad side yet.  ”

“  everybody knows that i’m a mess.  ”

“  i’m sorry i let you down.  ”

“  well, if it isn’t the feeling i was trying to avoid.  ”

“  you are not your father.  ”

“  even on your bad days, be kind.  ”

“  you don’t want me and i need to accept that.  ”

“  stay gentle. everyone is at war.  ”

“  the risk i took was calculated. but clearly i am bad at maths.  ”

“  i wonder which will get you killed faster, your loyalty or your stubbornness ?  ”

“  always be a little kinder than necessary.  ”

“  kind words cost nothing.  ”

“  i am being perfectly fucking civil.  ”

“  we’ll never be those kids again.  ”

“  i’m the original family disappointment.  ”

“  if karma doesn’t hit you, i fucking will.  ”

“  if you can’t be happy, at least you can be drunk.  ”

“  you can talk to me, or not talk to me, but i’m here.  ”

“  guess you’ll just have to fight me.  ”

“  i never asked to be like this.  ”