@ofthepuzzle
for all that he had gone through , worked through , there were still many things that pandora hadn’t the slightest clue how to handle . this was most certainly one of them . it is a knife in the heart , burning & memories of everything that had gone wrong — of every cruel thing he’d done in the name of love . of trimmed cards & sawblades & the husk of a once magnificent theater , left only with torment & sorrow . he’d done those things . i will kill yuugi so that i may hold you in my arms , catherine ! the memories made him sick .
of course this was a punch in the gut . of course this was everything that would torment him forever — even when some things were forgiven , even wrapped in her embrace , how many nights would he wake screaming ? . this was the fear of every good thing that had ever happened to him turning to dust in his hands , wondering if one day he’d wake to find her but a lifeless doll , wondering if all of this was the universe’s most elaborate illusion ! oh , how he’d outdone himself with it ! he wondered for a moment if he was back in that husk of a theater , delirious from bloodloss , a key on the ground , blood staining the crimson suit an even deeper shade —
all of this because he knows that face . yuugi . rather , the spirit that had resided in yuugi ; the one malik wanted him to kill . he feels as if he’s drowning ( they call it the agony box , it feels like agony ) . what can he say ? there are no apologies that will be enough . because if he’d fought harder , if he’d been a little less vain & a little more loving , none of that would've happened ! ❛ yuugi — ❜ no , that’s not his name , but it’s the only one pandora can think of . it’s the one that tumbles forth , followed by tears & pain & regret & that torturous chant of if only , if only , if only ! whatever he wants to say next , he chokes on , feeling faint , knowing that he had no right , because he’d done that . he’d done those things — sickening & desperate , & for what ? for what ? say something , he scolds himself , before you run like the coward you are !
