A decade!?
It's been 9 dang years since I posted on this blog! Sometimes I get an influx of emails notifying me of new followers. I didn't even remember which blog was tied to my email, so I decided to log in. Wow - what a time capsule into my life. My knee-jerk reaction was to start making all of my old posts private (and some are now). Teenage me was really out here sharing everything - and I mean EVERYTHING... like tasting my cauterized flesh when I burped. Girly, did you not think of future me and the desire for privacy? Clearly not. But she did understand the power of vulnerability. Then I checked my message notifications and was reminded of how meaningful this community was to me during a very dark time in my life. I read some of my old posts and laughed (I'm like, really funny in case you didn't know), and cried, and wanted to wrap my teenage self up in a hug.
If I'm doing an update, the truth is that my health is much better now than it was when I was posting here. Chronic issues are just that, right? Most of the things I blogged about will never go away, but medical issues are no longer my greatest concern as they used to be.
EDS still sucks. My neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack all hurt (lol). My shoulders are permanently subluxated, and there's nothing to do about it. Being POTS-y is annoying. My left knee started hurting terribly this year. The physical therapist said, "Oh yeah, you're bendy," when I extended to 150 degrees, as if it was nothing - because it was. Permanently caught in the catch-22 of "need to exercise to build better joint support" and "not supposed to do most exercises." I did have a running and weightlifting phase, but had to stop because my subluxations became increasingly frequent (go figure lol). I'm finally going to try swimming regularly, and I do yoga while being wary of overextending. Side note, I was diagnosed with ADHD which is highly comorbid with EDS and THAT was a lightbulb moment!
I did get a hysterectomy at age 20. My last post here was announcing the surgery date. Honestly, I have mixed feelings about that. It improved my health and well-being tremendously. I kept one ovary, so my hormones are pretty normal (although she is still polycystic and sometimes painful lol). I would be lying if I said I didn't regret it, though. Rationally, I know conceiving, pregnancy, and childbirth probably would have been hell, but I still sometimes cry when I wander into the baby section of the store. Less often than I once did, but it sneaks up on me. One of my greatest hopes is to become a mom through a non-traditional path one day. If I could go back in time, knowing how I feel now, would I do it again? I'm really not sure.
In retrospect, I believe many of my health issues were greatly exacerbated by stress... and I don't mean this in an "it's all in your head' way, but rather that the brain-body connection is more salient than I once realized and the physical impacts of stress can be HUGE. My teenage years were ROUGH. Ya girl needed a good mental health therapist more than a good physical therapist (and I finally got a couple in my 20s). Even now, anytime I experience a huge increase in stress in my life, I vomit uncontrollably... much like when I thought I was suffering from gallbladder issues in my younger years.
I probably won't update this blog again, but if you were on the journey with 17-to 20-year-old me, thank you for the camaraderie. If you come to my blog in the 2020s and beyond, and it resonates with you in some way, I send you my love. I'll leave it up, for me and for you. I would un-private the more recent posts, but there's seemingly no way to do it in bulk. Side note - how has Tumblr functionality not improved in a decade? That's wild lol. ~ Still Chronically Cute xx
