dealer!chris who takes blowjobs as a form of payment, but only when it's you
dealer!chris who fucks you senseless, he's rough w you since the substance is making you somewhat numb. he wants you to feel it, his thrusts are slow but rough and deep
dealer!chris who compliments your eyes, red eyes to be exact. ,,y'know your eyes are so pretty? high as fuck from my shit, the red brings out your color even more, i love it"
dealer!chris who actually cares about you so when you come more than usual, he gets worried and refuses to sell you the dose. ,,ma this is your fourth time here for the past two weeks. is everything okay? y'know you can tell me anything. i understand you're struggling but drugs are not gonna fix that, they're just gonna make you not think about it but it won't solve anything."
dealer!chris who takes you as his #1 priority. you’re his favorite customer, for obvious reasons, but he also genuinely likes you and wants to spend time with you also sober
dealer!chris who rolls your joints in a pink paper, placing them into a cute little box with bows on it he bought just for you
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Can you do a angsty Matt story? Maybe when hanging out with friends he made a rude comment and the reader got upset but he didn’t notice so when they go back to his house Chris/nick notice somethings wrong not Matt which makes the reader angry and they fight?
a/n: if you look at my doc where i wrote this at, this took up 15 pages of utter horror
warning/content ahead: ANGST LETS GO, matt x anxious!asthmatic!reader, fighting, crying, arguing, anxiety attacks, asthma attacks, bsf!chris yesss go girl, like one oc i made up, lmk if i missed anything
-
TOUCHED
You trail closely behind your boyfriend, the mall large and filled with people, getting stopped every five minutes for a new fan to take a photo with him. You being the one forced to take them.
You hand a fan their phone back, watching as they skip somewhere off to the side. You sigh, and Matt goes in to reach for your hand, understanding your frustration, but you flinch away, making sure he doesn't grab a hold of it. "You okay?" He questioned.
You guys have barely made it past the entrance of the mall and this was the eighth fan to come up to him, it was a day made just for the two of you and now it's being slowly stripped away from you as you take pictures of him next to strangers. You didn't want to seem sensitive, but answered nonetheless, lying through your teeth. "Of course."
You dart your eyes around the place for a distraction, landing on a pretzel stand. "Oh! Wanna get a soft pretzel?" You get excited, gesturing to the stand. Matt follows your gaze and his face brightens. "Oh, god yes. I've been wanting one for weeks." He utters.
He grabs ahold of your hand and you take it back immediately, shoving it in your pockets and looking around to see if anyone saw that. No, thankfully, not. You hoped.
You watched his adam's apple bob as he dropped his gaze, you two walking over to the stand. "You looking to buy a pretzel?" A young woman in the stand asks, fixing her uniform hat. "Yes, please--" You start but quickly get interrupted.
"Wait, are you Matt Sturniolo?" She asks, her demeanor changing to reach for her phone. You swallow your throat dry as he answers. "Oh my god, can I get a picture?" She doesn't wait for an answer, getting around from the stand as she gets her phone ready. Matt shoots you an apologetic look as you ignore it, taking the phone that was handed to you and snapping a picture of them, your face expressionless.
"Thank you so much." You give her a small smile just to quickly realize she wasn't even looking at you, but at your boyfriend. "What did you guys want?"
You order, every sense of excitement completely flushed out of your body as you chew at your pretzel. You guys were now standing at some corner of the mall shadowed, somewhere Matt had insisted on standing to eat your pretzels in peace.
You chew on your soft pretzel, calculating the place around you before turning your attention to look up at him. He examines your face, one side of his cheek stuffed as he chews on it. He chuckles to himself, "You got a little somethin'' Matt's gaze was on your upper lip, lifting a thumb to brush off whatever was on there but you quickly moved your head back. You block his gesture with your own hand, removing any crumbs that were on you.
He finishes what was in his mouth. "Look," He starts but you dismiss it immediately, knowing what he's about to say. "Let's spend this day without any problems, okay?" You tell him softly before he could get a chance to explain himself. He sighs, looking like he's considering what you're saying.
"Okay." He agrees, "But, can I get a quick kiss?" He asks, a small frown on his face. You look around, seeing one too many people. "When we go home." You answer.
PDA in general isn't your cup of tea, but little stuff like holding hands and small physical touching you didn't mind. Matt was aware of that, you guys have been together for months. You'd think he'd got you all figured out. But as his career was skyrocketing, so was your problem with PDA.
It felt like everyone was watching, the anxiety of his fans probably seeing something and snapping a picture, posting it to the internet without either of your consent swelled your mind. His fans are what worried you, with how cruel they could be and the all seeing eyes of judgment. You loved Matt and wouldn't leave him for the world, he was your partner in crime. But making it public seemed like a death wish, millions of fans deranged enough to find a way to have you two broken up.
You weren't embarrassed of him, that was the farthest thing you felt. If anything, you felt like you were the one embarrassing him. You couldn't afford to paint such a picture for him and you didn't want any more fans to go any harsher on him. You were doing this because you cared for him, that's what he didn't seem to understand.
-
You stood in front of your mirror, having your hand slide down your curves, the dress hugging you exceptionally tight in all the right places. Your hair was in a messy updo, revealing your delicate shoulders and collarbones, messy strands untied to the updo, flying filmy around in soft motion. You were thrilled to see the look on your boyfriend's face when he sees you, knowing this a dress he would drool over, especially on you.
Picking up your phone, you notice your girl friends texting you, saying they were outside ready to pick you up. You, your boyfriend Matt, his brothers, and a bunch of friends are all going to some fancy restaurant in LA. Excited, you spray yourself in your signature scent and head out.
You got multiple compliments, which meant a lot coming from your close friends, but whether you wanted to admit or not, nothing mattered until you saw Matt.
You spare your friend, Em, a lip liner from your bag as you watch the restaurant appear into view. Em had made it her mission to somehow get Chris to fall in love with her by the end of the night, and you were curious to see how that would go. Peering out the window, you see Matt, his brothers, and their male friends conversing in front of the place, waiting on you guys. Almost everyone you were hanging out with tonight were influencers, not you though.
You feel your heart skip a beat when you see him, urging your friend to hurry up and park. He looked perfect. "Okay! Okay, give me a minute." She laughs, doing as you please. In seconds, you're out of the vehicle and greeting everyone, greeting the ones closest to you first. Nate, Chris, a friend, Nick, who doesn't hide his impressed look on his face. "Are you heaven sent? Holy fuck, you look amazing." He says and you fail to hide the erupting flattered chuckle, "Says you, wouldn't be surprised if you left tonight with multiple new numbers in your phone." You say, before turning to your boyfriend with a dimpled-smile.
You engulf him into a hug, one that has his scent swirling around you and comforting you instantly, one that takes him by surprise and stiffly hugs you back. "You look so handsome, pretty boy." You look up at him, pulling away from the hug. His expression was confused, the smile he had when talking to his friends disappearing when you pulled him into a kiss in front of everyone. Pulling back down, you stare up at him, waiting for him to say something.
"Thanks." He says, looking away from you and going to greet the other girls that tagged along. You were still smiling, but you furrowed your eyebrows in confusion. That was it? He's usually more touchy than this. You watched him hug all the other girls, with hands around their waist a gleaming smile playing. You wondered if that's what he looked like hugging you too.
He pulls away and you stare at his hand, his finger ringed and the urge to hold it was strong. You reach a hand out to hold onto it, but he moves all too quickly in a motion of conversing with a friend before you can grasp onto it. Leaving you holding no ones hands but your own.
Turning your head away, you go and greet his other friends.
-
You sat at the long white-clothed table, picking lightly at the petaled roses displayed in front of you. Your boyfriend sat somewhere far down the table, across from Em. While you sat across from Chris, with Nick right beside you. Nick seemed to be caught up in a conversation with the girl on the other side of him. As for Matt, he was talking to both Nate and Em.
You can't help but look at him every second, he was so interested in whatever they were talking about he didn't even bother to make sure he sat next to you. He wasn't that far down the table, but far enough where you couldn't reach him. You could see and hear him, yet not touch him. For the first time in a while, you were upset about it.
You were forced to break your gaze from on him, turning to examine the beyond-fancy restaurant. Gold plated things everywhere, marble, high ceilings and long draped curtains. Maybe you were underdressed. Looking back down, you look at the rose petal you had accidentally broken off.
Everyone around you was engulfed in their own conversation while you just sat there, feeling the softness of the petal before slowly ripping it to shreds. Everything around you began hitting you in the wrong places, everything was too loud, the lights felt too hot on your skin, the place needed air conditioning, the waiter was taking too long. Your hands began to shake as the ripped petals fell from your grasp.
"Hey." You feel a quick kick to your shin and you look up. "Hey, Chris." You couldn't help but smile. Chris was definitely one of your best friends, all of the triplets were. But Chris knew how to take your mind off anything. His eyes darted from your shaking hands to your expression. "Why aren't you next to your boyfriend?" He asked with a small smile, one that made you feel like he was about to crack a joke.
"You mean Matt?" You dart your gaze over to him, he was fully laughing now. "Yeah. Unless you have a separate boyfriend here." Chris practically rolls his eyes as you feel the quiver of your hands quicken. You try to stop them, putting your hands on top of each other and applying pressure, hoping to stop it. "I think he just got caught up with his friends on a topic or something." You say in regards to Matt.
"Mm." Chris hums, nodding to what you're saying. He slowly leans against the table, getting closer to you. His voice drops a few tones as he asks you something. "What's wrong?" He gestures to your hands, voice whispery. You look back down to see your hands still shaking, you quickly hide them under the table and rest on your lap.
"My anxiety, Chris." You answer, looking at the open lights behind him before quickly looking away, feeling a headache form. "Everything here is so overwhelming." You answer honestly.
In Chris's mind, he puts two and two together. He knew you were telling the truth, but he also knew you wouldn't be this anxious unless you were seated next to his brother. He was aware that his brother had an effect on you that would immediately help with your anxiety, giving you some sort of comfort in uncomfortable scenarios. Chris cared about you like you were his sister, and he wished he had that sort of effect on you too, wanting nothing but to keep you happy.
He sighs, leaning back. "It is pretty overwhelming here, huh." He mutters, taking a sip from a water that was definitely Nick's, but he was too distracted to notice. You smile at the gesture, and he sips down the water and holds it up to you. "Want some?" He lifts his eyebrows, and you shake your head with a smile. "You sure, 'cause the ethereal hint of Sir Nicolas's saliva really just melts on your tongue."
You scrunch up your nose with a laugh as Nick's head snaps to Chris's direction. "What the fuck are you doing, Chris?" Nick's tone was warning. Chris pops a shoulder. "Oh, you know, drinking some delish water."
"Delish?" Nick repeats, "Did my water turn you gay?" That's what makes both you and Chris erupt into laughter, and you can't help but to even rub your eyes, careful not to mess up any of your eye makeup. Chris does the same, laughing more because you were rather than Nick's joke. Nick even chuckles a little, snatching his water back and keeping it beside him. "Dummy fuck."
It takes you a second to compose yourself, noticing just how loud you and Chris are being. With the failed attempt to keep yourself from laughing, you lean to Chris. "Sh–" You interrupt yourself with a laugh. "Shh, we're going to get kicked out." Your cheeks were hurting, the joke wasn't even that funny. Now you guys were just laughing because of the other one.
Chris opens his eyes, squinting at you as he tries to lower his laugh a notch, holding a finger in front of his mouth as he attempts to shush you too, but only laughs more.
The two of you were unaware, but Matt had been staring at you since the moment Chris had kicked your shin. He watched as he leaned into and whispered something too inaudible, then kept his gaze on you guys until you were almost on the floor laughing. Jealousy burnt through his chest, and some form of hurt anger erupted, aiming directly at you.
Everybody at the table now was looking at you guys, laughing a little along with you guys from the scene in front of them, not really sure what you guys were laughing at. You watch as a waiter begins to approach from behind Chris, and you immediately kick his leg, maybe a little harsher than intended. "Ow!" He jumps, and you point to the region behind him, he turns his head and sees the approaching waiter. He turns his head back immediately, his eyes wide as he tries to swallow down his laughs. Which seemed even funnier to you.
It was a struggle for you two to order, and Nick had to be the one to order for you guys. You felt immature and childish, but it somehow made you feel better about yourself knowing that Chris did as well.
Em starts talking from your row, across from Matt, as she aims her topic at Chris. "We're gonna have to wait even longer for our food now, am I right?" She says, making her voice slightly louder so Chris would be able to hear her, but his attention wasn't even on her, he was completely fixated on you, accidentally ignoring her completely.
"Ugh." He mutters, clenching onto his stomach. "My stomach hurts so fucking bad now." He almost moaned, and you grin. This is the most you've smiled all night. Now that he's mentioned it, you feel a cramp begin to form in your stomach too. "Oh, shit. Me too." You lay your palm on the thin material of your dress. "Fuck you, making me laugh so hard." You say, feeling your stomach begin to worsen.
"Me?" He scoffs, "Nick is the one that made the joke, loser." He defends, both of you guys matching with a hand on your stomachs. "Yeah, but your laugh is stupid." You tell him, he has an offended look on his face. "Your laugh is also stupid."
You shrug. "Your laugh is stupider."
-
In all honesty, Chris is what got you through the entire night. When the conversation would die down and you would shift your attention back to Matt, Chris managed a way to keep you from feeling gloomy again. Your boyfriend hadn't spoken a word to you since the moment you guys had stepped into that restaurant.
Now, everyone was getting up from their seats on the table and they left tips under their empty plates. Soon, everyone would need to leave.
You follow them out of the building, noticing how later it was at night and how you should've brought a jacket for the chilly night. You look for Matt, hoping he would provide you with some sort of warmth with his body heat. As everyone approaches their cars, they all linger there, deciding to hang out in the parking lot a little longer.
Chris was now talking to Nate and his other friend, not paying any mind to Em that was trailing behind him. You notice Matt telling Nick and his friends a few things, and you immediately get the idea to stand next to him. Hopefully the quiet game was over now, and he would finally talk to you now that you were closer. Standing next to Matt, who's in a conversation of his own, you gently lean yourself on him, letting your bare arm brush against his clothed body, providing you with the smallest bits of warmth. Usually, he'd cover your shoulders with an arm draped over it, but here, he doesn't do anything.
You lay your head on his shoulder as he continues talking, not even batting an eye toward you as you let out a small breath, watching as the air coming out of your mouth turns into cold fog. It was freezing out, and a gust of wind flew your way, giving you a series of shivers down your back. Subconsciously, you lean close to him.
"Can you stop?" He huffs, stepping away from you as you almost trip, just now noticing how dependent you were being on him. Nick furrows his eyebrows. The trip had sent your ankle to bend, small rocks digging their way into your skin. "Sorry." You swallow, fixing your shoe, your foot stinging.
The groups navigated to this one, and everyone was around each other, getting ready to head home but wanted to spare the time a little longer. You spoke to Em, who admitted she gave up on Chris. "He was hopeless." She sighed.
You spoke to the girls who drove you here. You loved them dearly, they were the kindest and the closest girls to you. Now, your attention shifted to Matt, who was listening to Nate speak to everyone. "Bro, I'm just glad the plans made it out of the group chat and everyone managed to come tonight. You know how long we've wanted to do this?" Nate mumbled the usual way he does.
"For real, plus, everyone looks fucking fantastic." Nick says, turning his head to you. "I'm looking at you, cutie." He points at you, winking. Everyone begins agreeing, and you start to believe it. Maybe you did look good tonight.
You turn your head to look at Matt, cranking your neck a little to look up at him. He looks past you, down at the pavement. "Whatever you say." He mutters under his breath, his face blank and you feel your heart begin to shatter like glass. No one seemed to have heard him, and you begin to wonder if it was just your imagination.
"What?" You question, looking at him. Your eyes start to get glassy, and the moonlight hits your face just right, making Chris notice what was going on. Matt ignores you, clasping his hand together. "All right, I guess it's time to go home."
"You're coming with us, right?" Nick asks you as everybody begins getting in their cars. "That was the plan." Chris says, looking at you for confirmation as you tried to bite down every part of your body that felt like it was being stung with needles. Swallowing your mouth dry, you answer. "I think I'll go home tonight."
Nick and Chris's faces visibly go confused. "Home with us, right?" You shake your head, your neck stuck in a stiff and still to keep yourself from accidentally looking at Matt. It felt like if you even tried to look at him, you would burst out crying. "Home to my apartment."
"Aw man, please?" Nick frowns, and you shake your head, hearing their car start. You hear Matt call your name out and you physically feel your heart clench. "Just fucking come." He groaned, entering the car and slamming the door harshly, enough to leave you flinch. Your eyes got subconsciously wide, trying to expand your sight as if it'll keep the tears from rushing out completely. Chris and Nick look at Matt then you, then at each other, utterly bewildered. "I'll come." Your voice barely came out, completely dumbfounded by his aggressiveness.
"Let's go." Chris puts a gentle hand on your arm, leading you to the back of the car as Nick rushed to the passenger seat. "Matt, what the fuck is your problem?" Nick was a tone away from considering yelling, no doubt angry with the way he was treating you. Matt just sighs.
Chris watches you with sorrow as you take your time entering the car, noticing just how bad you sprained your ankle, needing to hold onto his hand to enter the vehicle. The second you scoot to the middle of the back of the car, Chris immediately shoves himself inside, shutting the door as he glares at Matt through the rear mirror. "Took you two long enough." Matt growled, his voice was quiet but he spoke volumes.
"Matt, seriously, what stick is up your fucking ass?" Nick spoke with his hands, his palms spread open but his fingers clasped together as he was vigorously waiting for a response. God knew you were waiting for one too, desperate for one. It felt like piles of bricks were being laid on your chest, one by one.
"Nick, shut the fuck up." He had begun driving by now, all you could do was lay your head against the window and wait for this ride to end. "Watch your goddamn mouth, Matt." Chris didn't have his seatbelt on, sitting on the edge of the backseat as his voice was laced with impatient annoyance.
You closed your eyes, holding your own hands, lacing your fingers together as they began to shake just as they were in the restaurant when you first got there. "What are you going to fucking do, Chris? Kiss my girlfriend?" Matt argued, his voice getting louder. Your eyes fly open at the phrase.
"Matt, what?" Chris uttered, nothing but confusion written on his face.
"This is so fucking stupid." Nick declared. "Let's make it home and give her a peace of calm fucking mind. I just want her to have a good night's sleep, honestly." He sighed, referring to you. He cared about you deeply.
The ride home was uncomfortable to the brim. It felt like someone had poured thick fog into the car and made it difficult for you to breathe at a normal pace, your breaths either lasting too long or too short. The invisible fog picking at your nose and eyes, a push away from letting a tear slip. At least, for you.
Now, you are back home in your boyfriend's house. Nick leaves for his room to quickly change, as Chris lingered to do something on his phone. Usually, you'd head straight for Matt's room, given it was the one that had everything that belonged to you in, the one you'd sleep at every night.
You stood around, unsure of the next move you should make. Matt took a rootbeer out of the fridge and popped it open, looking at you as you glance at your splintered feet. "You just gonna stand there or what?" He says after a sip, another brick adding to your chest.
You approach the kitchen, passing Chris on the couch who had his gaze fixated on you, mentally begging for you to stand up for yourself. You bring up the courage to look him dead in the eye, the same ones that you had declared the most perfect eyes in the world just earlier today. "Matt, what did I do?" You finally ask, straightforwardly asking the question.
He furrowed his eyebrows in mock confusion. "What did you do? 'Cause frankly, I'd love to know." Sarcasm laced his tongue and you felt your hurt turn into anger. "Stop talking out of your ass and answer me." You say, getting closer to him that the only thing separating you two was the wide table in the middle of the kitchen.
"There's always fucking something with you, isn't there?"
"Always something with me!? You're the one who won't tell me what's wrong." You make your voice louder to match his.
"You always have some sort of problem with something, don't you!?" He was determined to out-yell you, as if his words would hit harder if he made it's volume that way.
Your body was boiling, confusion, impatience, and pure irritation an ugly mix in your stomach. He won't give you an answer, and you are fed up. You cannot let him treat you like this any longer.
"What the fuck are you talking about!?" You begin to use your hands.
"You fucking know what I'm talking about!"
With that being said, you two were now yelling over each other. The argument quickly turns into a fight, your hands shaking uncontrollably as you move them around. His voice booms throughout the house and it's enough for Nick to quickly notice what was going on from upstairs. You shouted back, begging for a simple response as he accused you of acting dumb on purpose.
The shouting was layering on top of what you two were saying, screaming and yelling what immediately comes to mind, paying no attention to what the other person is saying for the interruption until a phrase slips out that triggers the other person into saying something else.
Chris screwed his eyes shut tightly, a depressing wave floating in his chest as he felt the hurt wafting from both of you. The two people he cared about the most, fighting as he heard it all. He shuts his phone as he raises both his hands to rub on his eyes until he sees static. The unbearing sound of the two of you only getting louder.
The second Nick was done changing he was flying down the stairs, determined to break up whatever was happening.
"Matt!" Nick tried yelling over you two, but quickly noticed he'll have to do more than that, you two louder together than Nick was on his own. He attempts to call your name as well, but neither of you are aware of his presence.
You couldn't help it, hot tears were streaming down your face now as you pleaded for him to compromise. Your emotions shift between hurt, anger, and everything that comes with it. Matt definitely noticed, his gaze lingering on your glistening cheek as he only argued back faster.
Nick shoots a quick and worried look at Chris, who just so happened to open his eyes right when he did, concerned this would become something physical. Chris gets up from his spot on the couch, approaching Nick with a look that says 'how-the-hell-do-we-stop-this'.
The sight in front of them begins to get messier and their heart skips a beat when Matt doesn't stop his yelling, leaning over the table to point a finger at your face.
"You know what you're fucking—"
"Get your finger out of my fucking face." You spit.
" 'because it always has to be your way—"
"Matt, I said get your finger, Out. Of. My. Face!"
"Oh but as long as I'm doing what you–"
You and Matt were now inches away from each other, leaning across the table but your faces uncomfortably close. A vein was practically popping out of his forehead and no doubt so was yours. Nick silently thanked God for the table that was between you two.
You begin choking up your words and losing your breath, every word attempting to form was now a struggle, a new and harsh cough interrupting it. Chris's eyes widen and Matt abruptly stops. A silent second passes as all three of them stare at you, hoping for a false alarm, but your coughs get worse as you attempt to get some air in your lungs, failing to do so.
"Her inhaler." Matt yells, panicking immediately. Chris begins shuffling under his feet as Nick has no idea what he's supposed to do. Matt slaps Chris's shoulder, "Get her fucking inhaler, now." Matt orders Chris, the two of them sprinting to Matt's room to get it.
They come back in actual seconds, Matt's room turned to junk after throwing everything out of his drawers to find it. You never thought you'd have to use your inhaler, only ever using it once a year, more or less. Your asthma was mild, but this argument definitely triggered it. It was brought to your mouth in seconds, and you needed a full moment to get your chest working properly again.
Matt's expression was now plastered with worry and fear, every sort of angry bone in his body disappearing. Now, all that mattered to him was that you were okay. And honestly, once you could see straight, you had begun crying again.
"I'm sorry." Matt brushes the hair out of your face, strands sticking to your forehead from sweat, watching you uncontrollably bawl. "I'm so sorry."
Your tears were the hottest you've ever felt on your skin, and your eyes were glowing red from how much this all hurts. "Matt, I just can't do this. Either– Either tell me or fucking don't."
Nick helps you sit up and Matt swallows, deciding that he should just come clean with his behavior. But first, he needed his brothers out of here. He gave Chris a simple look and he nodded. "Nick, let's go."
And they were gone.
You had your eyes closed, all the energy in your body gone completely in one go as you waited for him to speak, a tear following another as it began to calm down. A few seconds pass as Matt tries to recoil his thoughts before finally talking.
"You hate touching me when we're anywhere that isn't a private setting." He starts, sighing through the sentence. "You'd flinch when my hand would even touch yours in the slightest. After a while, I began understanding that maybe that's just who you were. You know, not the biggest fan of public display affection, or whatever."
He swallows. "So, I got used to it. You hated it and I began working around it. Until tonight. You hugged me and kissed me in front of everyone, trying to do the things I would pray to try and do to you on the daily. I got confused." He swallowed. "You were embarrassed of me, and that's the conclusion I came up with. Deciding to touch me when the setting involved my friends." You furrow your eyebrows.
"As if.." He sighs and looks down, his chest breathing heavily as he stays like that for a moment. You opened your eyes and noticed he was about to cry. "Matt." You try to say, but your voice is hoarse and chalky.
"As if you wanted to give them this image that everything was all good. You're embarrassed of me on every single occasion except for this one, and it just fucked with my head."
You sat up fully this time. "Matt, are you nuts? Seriously?" You scoff, finally understanding everything. "I do what I do because I'm embarrassed of myself." You laugh at the irony. "If you pay attention, everytime I act this way is when we are in reach of any potential fan of yours." You say slow enough for him to process. "This restaurant was too fancy to have a deranged fan there. I was comfortable to be myself with you there because I knew that no stranger could misread the situation."
You fix a strand of hair quickly behind your ear before continuing. "I kissed you because I knew those people, and I knew that they wouldn't take a photo of it and post it on the internet without my permission, letting the internet speak absolute crap about me and judge me solely because I'm your girlfriend."
The scene was quiet as Matt registered your words, and you made sure the second was longer, replaying what he said back in your mind, as well as the entire fight that had just occurred. It all felt so pathetic to think about now, and the reason for it all finally dawned upon you two.
"All I wanted was to finally hug–and touch–my boyfriend tonight. But all I got was an anxiety attack, an ankle sprain, and a fucking asthma attack." You finish off with a stupid laugh.
He's silent for a moment before laughing, "I should've known. Seriously. God." He rubs his eyes and you see snippets of tears slip past his fingers. You get up and hug him, and he engulfs you in the embrace before you could fully even reach him.
"I'm sorry for making you feel that way." The side of your head laid on his chest as you hugged him tightly, and he gradually took it tighter.
"No way you just apologized before me. I was supposed to do that." He sniffed, trying to lighten the mood.
"Sorry about that too."
He mutters your name and you look up, your chin on his chest. "I'm sorry for treating you that way. I feel like the worst human being on earth, and that's a fucking understatement." It was cute. Both of you guys are crying for the dumbest miscommunication ever. "I know." You say.
"Like, I somehow managed to fuck up so bad Chris had to be the one to comfort you tonight." He shook his head.
"Yeah. That was a crazy low you did for it to reach that point."
He shushes you. "I don't need reminders."
"You brought it up." You shrug. He nods, "Yeah. I guess so." He finally cracks a smile, and you follow the curves of his lips, unknowingly grinning with him.
"I really fucking missed you today." He admits, kissing your nose, your eyes fluttering shut before opening them back up immediately. "You have no idea, Matt. Promise to forget today?"
"Promise."
"Now let's go to your room, you need to get these splinters out of my feet."
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summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk
warnings: none?
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I blinked my eyes open and realized how much my muscles hurt, my body was contorted in a way I wasn’t used to.
I lifted my head realizing that I was using Matt as a pillow. I sat up and blinked down, only to see he was fast asleep as well. His arms loosley wrapped around my waist.
I must have fallen asleep after we were done talking--rather, writing to each other. I couldn't help the smile that flew onto my face. He looked peaceful. His eyes closed, his lips parted and his glasses against his face.
I didn't want to wake him up, I didn't want to ruin his peace. I didn't know how often he got it. I felt his fingertips burn into my skin where they were placed. I swallowed and shook away the goosebumps.
Weird feeling.
I looked out my window to see the sun had set. The streetlamps shining through my window. I felt my phone buzz. I turned only to realize, it wasn't my phone. It was Matt's.
It buzzed and buzzed and buzzed.
I looked over at him. He hummed in his sleep and pulled me closer to him with his arms wrapped around me. My eyes widened and my face went red.
He was sleeping, it's not like he meant to pull me closer. Still, the goosebumps returned. My arms went up to rub them away again.
What the hell was this feeling?
My attention returned to the buzzing next to Matt. I looked down and reached over unlocking his phone before scanning the messages.
The many messages, from Chris and Nick. I sat up, pulling from Matt's embrace, my heart beating.
Chris
where the hell are you?
it's almost 5. Why aren’t you home?
are you hurt?
Matt, you're scaring us.
Matt. Answer.
My heart was beating through my ears as I scrolled onto Nick’s messages.
Nick
Chris is about to raise hellfire you better be safe.
God, Matt. Please be safe.
Answer.
Where are you??
I threw the blankets off me and it stirred Matt awake. He sat up and I looked over at him, handing him his phone quickly. He rubbed his eyes before he blinked down at his phone.
His eyes went wide once they focused on the phone. He quickly typed back and sent a message before he stared at the phone.
He sighed and set it down. I felt guilt swarm in my chest from how scared Chris and Nick must have been from Matt not answering. I looked down at my lap and closed my eyes.
Matt swallowed before he pushed off my covers and stood up off my bed. It almost felt like a one night stand. Minus the sex part, and the relationship part, and the....everything else. I looked up at him. He looked down at me.
"I'm sorry" I whispered. Not knowing what else to say. I can't imagine the panic I just put them through. Matt walked forward and grabbed my arm pulling me up and he shook his head. I just let out a breath.
He just shook his head and placed his hand on the back of my head looking down at me. I knew what he was meaning.
It's not your fault.
"Do you want me to walk you home?" I asked softly. He sighed letting his hand drop as he looked back down at his phone. He shook his head softly.
I wrapped my arms around myself and nodded. He looked down at me before turning and walking towards my door.
"Thank you---" I said. He turned. "For being so nice to me today" I said quietly. He smiled and nodded, said nothing else and just left. I sighed as I sat back down on my bed.
My eyes glanced over to the notebook that had words written against it. Proof of an actual conversation. I smiled and wrapped my arms around my legs.
-
The next school day was slow. Matt didn't say anything to me today. I think he might have been burnt out with our converstation yesterday. Who knows how long it's been since he's talked to someone for more than two sentences.
It was fine with me, I'm just glad he communicated with me. It was the first glimpse of hope into our friendship. So if he didn't talk to me today, I was okay with that. He seemed nose deep into his sketchbook today anyway. I'd never seen him so focused.
I pushed the doors of the school open as Matt followed behind me.
"Thank god it's the weekend. I didn't think i'd survive another day" I mumbled looking over at Matt as the chill of the outside air came over me. Matt nodded.
I sighed as we started to walk in our normal direction before I paused, hearing someone call my name.
"Y/n!"
I turned on my feet before I saw Jake running up to us, me. I looked over at Matt who stared blankly at Jake. I looked up forcing a smile.
"Hey" I breathed. Jake stopped in front of me and smile. "Hey, do you want to come back with me? For the biology thing?" He asked. I raised my eyebrows and let out a breath, feeling Matt's presence next to me more than I should.
"I thought---“ I glanced at Matt. “I thought we agreed on later tonight" I scratched the back of my head awkwardly. Jake glanced over to Matt. Matt looked down at his feet.
"No, yeah. I just thought----later works" Jake shook his head. I nodded. "Do you want me to give you are ride home at least?" He asked looking down at me.
And leave Matt to walk by himself?
"No it's okay, really" I said shaking my head. He frowned. "Are you sure? Charolette’s a long walk from here" He breathed looking down at me full of concern. I felt Matt look up next to me and stare at me. My eyes widened.
"I-" I swallowed nerves flushing over me. "It's fine--I like to walk" I shook my head. Jake pursed his lips before nodding.
He reached down and grabbed my hand, moving his thumb over my fingers. I froze and looked down at our hands.
"Well, just text me. I really need help" He tugged me towards him. My mouth opened and I cleared my throat. Was he flirting with me? In front of Matt? I felt my face go blood red.
"Yeah, okay" I nodded. I wish that I didn't feel Matt's presence or stare as much as I did. "Okay" Jake smiled squeezing my hand and staring down at me.
"Okay" I nodded back chuckling. Then he dropped my hand and stepped back before turning away.
I just watched him as he friends walked up to him and turned back and looked at me. I turned back to Matt who just looked at me. He pushed off his feet before walking in the other direction. My face dropped and I walked after him.
"Hey, slow down" I said as I walked after him. He let out a breath and looked forward. I swallowed as I looked at him.
"Okay I lied about living on Charolette. Does that make me such a bad person that I don't want the boy with the jaguar to know the shit-hole I live in?" I snapped looking at him. Matt glanced down at me and then just looked back up.
"I'm just helping him with biology" I mumbled looking down at my feet. Matt raised his eyebrows. I looked over at him.
"What? I am" I defended myself. I wasn't lying. I didn't know what that was all about back there.
"Is something bothering you?" I asked softly. It's frustrating. It's so frustrating that he won't speak to me sometimes. Sometimes he communicates, sometimes he didn't. It was eating me alive. I didn't know when he was mad, upset, angry.
No reply.
He sighed and looked forwards and silence came between us.
"Can I come over?" I breathed softer. "You know--Until then?" I asked looking up at him. He glanced down at me. He looked off and then shrugged. I sighed and looked down at my feet, hating his feeling.
I almost thought the shrug meant a no before he tugged my arm into the direction of his house.
-
He pushed the door open to his house and I followed suit. I heard other voice assuming it was his brothers and I couldnt help but let the anxiety in me spike a bit.
I let the door close behind me before I saw Chris looking at us, Nick had his head down in papers at the kitchen table.
"If it isn't the girl who kidnapped my brother" Chris crossed his arms over his chest. I swallowed as I stared over at him.
Matt glared at him as he shrugged his backpack off and let it fall to the ground. I looked down at my feet.
"I'm sorry I shouldn't have-"
"Do you realize that we had absolutely no idea where he was for three hours? He could have been dead for all we knew" He snapped at me. Matt breathed harder next to me. I swallowed and shook my head.
"All because you fell asleep? You couldn't think to text?" Chris walked up to us. I glared at him.
"I'm not in charge of him" I snapped.
"No you're not. We are" He snapped back pointing towards Nick. Matt pushed his brother's shoulder that was approaching me and shook his head.
I looked between them as they glared at each other.
"Matt go take out the trash please” Nick mumbled from across the room. “—and stop acting like children, both of you" Nick announced from the kitchen table, shaking his head at his brothers.
Matt glanced over at him and then dropped his tense shoulders before turning and walking out of the front door.
I turned and watched as exited. I turned back at Chris who shook his head.
"We have to talk" He grabbed my arm and dragged me towards the backdoor. I pulled against his grip. "I don't want to talk you" I protested but he was already pulling the backdoor open.
Nick shook his head as we passed me. Chris pulled me out and slid the door closed. I ripped my arm from him and placed my hand over where he held me.
"Don't grab me like that" I snapped. Chris took in a breath and swallowed.
"Sorry I just--" He shook his head. I blinked at him.
"You can't do that Y/n. You can't just run off with him and not tell us what’s going on. Matt's never not come home after school" He ran his hands through his hair.
"He could have been god knows where, he could have been hurt. He could have done something-" He paused before meeting my eyes.
"You can't not tell us. You scared us" He shook his head, anger dissipating and sadness washing in. I looked down at my feet realizing how it must of felt for them when Matt didn't come home.
"I'm sorry. I didn't mean any worry" I whispered. He sighed and looked down at me before sitting down on the steps leading to the backyard. I looked down at him before sitting down next to him.
"You're too protective over him. Matt he's---his own person. He's fine" I breathed looking at him. Chris looked up at me with a scowl.
"He's not fine. You don't know him" He snapped. I just looked at him before pressing my chin against my knees.
"No, but i'm getting there. He....seems fine" I whispered not knowing how much I actually believed that. Chris looked down at his feet.
"Yeah when he's with you" He mumbled. I looked over at him. "What does that mean?" I asked. Chris didn't look up at me and just shrugged.
"It's the only time he smiles" He breathed. I blinked at Chris as he looked down before looking away. Silence came between us for a second.
"Can I ask you something?" I turned to him. He looked up at me. "What happened a few days ago with Matt? I asked to come over and he just...shook me off. He seemed upset, I couldn't get it out of him" I swallowed.
"I thought it was because I went out with Jake but--"
"Jake?" Chris questioned looking at me. I opened my mouth and then looked away. "Yeah, Jake Andrews. I went out with him and his--"
"Jake Andrews?" Chris asked sitting up. I looked over at him and shrugged. Chris chuckled and shook his head at me. I glared at him.
"Are you always such a dick?" I snapped. Chris shook his head smiling. "No, but Jake Andrews is" He said shaking his head. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"No he isn't. He's nice to me" I defended. Chris leaned back and nodded. "Oh yeah, I’m sure he's real nice to you" He said shaking his head. I pushed his shoulder.
"You don't even know him" I snapped. Everything that fell from Chris's mouth was condescending and I was growing tired of it. Chris rolled his eyes.
"Jake Andrews? Plays hockey for Height's team?" He raised his eyebrows. I blinked at him. "I know him" He nodded. I clenched my jaw and looked off.
"Do you have a girlfriend?"
"Why you wanna take me out?" He smiled tilting his head back. I glared at him in disgust.
"No, I was just wondering if you were as much of an asshole to me as you would be to her. Seeing you don't have one, I can clearly see why" I hit back at him. He clenched his jaw.
"And don't flatter yourself, you're not even my type" I mumbled. Chris scoffed. "I look like Matt, I am your type" He responded. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked over at him, confusion on my face.
"Matt's not....my type" I whispered, not sure I even believed myself from the way the words tumbled out. Matt was attractive, anyone could see that. It wasn't new news. I just hadn't thought about it. I just wanted to snap back at Chris.
Chris looked over at me and raised his eyebrows.
"So Jake Andrews is then?" He scoffed like the name was poison on his tounge. I swallowed and shrugged.
"Chris, I don't know. I'm just saying Matt--I don't know" I said shaking my head, running my hands through my hair. “Not” I finished.
"Oh yeah? Why do you insist on hanging out with him constantly then? You pity him or something? He doesn't need that" He shook his head. I shook my head and looked down.
"You're......impossible" I whispered. Chris sighed.
"Look, I'm sorry i'm protective. You just don't know what he's been through. You'd be protective too" He stated. I pursed my lips and nodded. He's right, I didn't know.
"So the other day. What happened?" I asked softly, just wanting to change the conversation. Chris's face turned confused before clarity hit him.
"Oh, yeah" He breathed sitting up. "It's probably because Cassie was here" He explained. My eyebrows furrowed and I snapped my head to him.
"Cassie?"
The backdoor slid open. We both turned and saw Matt looking down at us. We both stood up. He looked between us and I gave a soft smile at him, relief that he was saving me from this conversation. Chris looked over at me before moving past his brother and away from me.
I sighed and looked at Matt. He just stared at me.
"Ready?" I asked smiling. Matt just backed up so I could walk back into the house. I looked over at Nick who smiled up up at me softly. I smiled back. I felt the need to apologize to him. Even though he wasn't as forward as Chris, I knew I probably scared him too.
Matt grabbed my wrist before I could say anything to Nick and we walked towards his room away from his brothers.
I just let Matt drag me until we were in front of his room. He placed his hands on my shoulders before stilling me. I just looked up at him.
He held up a finger before he walked into his room and closed the door in my face. I jumped back. I opened my mouth but then closed it before hearing him rustling around in his room. I furrowed my eyebrows.
Was he cleaning?
I chuckled before a few moments later the door opened and he smiled softly, letting me walk in. I chuckled and turned to him.
"You didn't have to clean Matt" I said as he closed the door. He shrugged and walked over to his desk to set down his bag before pulling out his sketch book.
I walked over to him.
"Are you ever gonna let me see a drawing?" I asked glancing from the book up to him. He looked down at me.
As he looked down at me I couldn't help but think about Chris's words.
"I look like Matt, I am your type"
I swallowed looking at his blue eyes hidden behind his glasses. Matt looked back down at the book before flipping open a page for me to see.
I looked down at the page, my breath caught in my throat.
I leaned down to look at the detail in the drawing.
"Matt" I gasped as i looked down.
It was a bookshelf, detail in every single book against the page. The lining of the covers, and the spine, each having their own look to them.
It looked like a picture.
But that's not what made the drawing extraordinary. Throughout the books there were little butterflies through thr air, each one unique to it’s wings. They were flying above and through the pages. It looked like a fairy tale.
This drawing had to have taken days.
"Matt" I said again, never wanting to tear my eyes away, my finger hovered over the page. Matt just watched me as I looked down a the page.
"i've read that book" I pointed to one of the books that caught my eye. I smiled as I stared. "I've read that one too" I pointed to another. My eyes scanned the drawing.
I've read all these books.
I looked up at Matt before he looked down at the page and then closed the book. I sat up as he pushed it away from us. I smiled as he looked away from me.
"You're talented, it’s—-beautiful" I breathed shaking my head. I had assumed his drawings were good from the amount of time he would be scribbing in that damn notebook, but damn.
I smiled softly. He let out a breath and gave a quick smile before he reached over grabbing a notepad and a pen.
I just watched him as he wrote. I smiled. This was the first time today he was gonna say something to me. I looked down at it after he wrote and he handed it to me.
I glanced over his writing.
You like Chris
I looked up at him before taking the pen out of his hands and writing back. He looked down at the paper.
eh, he talks too much
Matt looked up and smiled. A genuine smile. I chuckled and he shook his head setting down the notebook. I felt my stomach twist before shifting on my feet.
"Who's.....Cassie?" I asked hesitantly. His eyes snapped up to mine, his smile long gone. He blinked at me before closing his eyes. He looked down smacking his lips.
"You don't have to tell me" I spoke quickly, not wanting to push any buttons. "If you don't want to" I whispered wrapping my arms around myself. He looked at his feet. He shrugged.
I swallowed and nodded. "You don't have to tell me" I spoke again. He sighed and grabbed my arm before dragging me over to his bed. I sat down and looked up at him. He walked around the bed before grabbing a blanket and throwing it over me. Then he sat down.
He leaned over and handed me to the remote and pointed towards the tv across from his bed. I looked over at him before leaning back against his pillows and turning on the tv. He obviously didn't want to talk about whoever she was.
I guess I just had to stay curious, like I do with every other aspect of his life. I saw him glance over at me for a moment as I scrolled through his tv. He closed his eyes letting go of a breath before leaning his head back.
“I’m gonna go over to Jake’s around 6, is that okay? If I stay until then?” I whispered. He turned his head and looked at me and something sparked behind his eyes.
“I don’t really want to go home” I whispered. He looked down before he nodded. I smiled and leaned my head against his shoulder.
“I like being your friend Matt” I whispered as I clicked on a show. He glanced down at me before he brought his hand up to my arm. I looked down as his finger pressed against my skin and he wrote with his finger against my arm.
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summary: You and Chris broke up over a month ago, but things haven't been the same. You missed him dearly and you knew you messed up. So what happens when you see those familar eyes staring at you from across the room?
warnings: smutty smut. p in v, male recieving, female recieving, some questionable positions, lol.
------------------------------------------------
I could feel him. I could feel him as if he was breathing down my neck. Only, it wasn't his breath. It was just his eyes. But they held enough power that I felt like he was standing over me.
I swallowed as I gripped the glass in my hand harder as I focused on just not looking back at him. I swallowed as I stared up at the man in front of me.
"So?" He smiled down at me. I blinked a few times, before shaking my head. "Sorry what?" I asked not even hearing what he just said. His smile altered as he looked down at me. He looked down, shifting on his feet.
"I said you're really pretty--" He said smiling. I forced a smile and nodded. "And I asked if you were free on Saturday" He smiled tilting his head up. My mouth parted as I looked at him. I swallowed.
"Uh...yeah Saturday" I said shaking my head. I couldn't help but turn my head. His blue eyes staring at me again. His stance was unsure as he gripped his cup and his brothers spoke next to him. His eyes didn't leave mine when they connected.
He wasn't giving me a mischievous look, or even an angry one. He was just simply looking at me. It almost hurt worse than if he was angry. I couldn't handle this right now.
I looked back at the boy in front of me.
"I'm sorry, can you excuse me for a second?" I asked placing my hand on his arm. His expression turned surprised. "Uh, yeah for sure--" He nodded as I turned on my feet and walked towards the back door.
I felt sick to my stomach, and it wasn't the alcohol. I pushed the door open feeling the cold air cascade over me, almost like a breath of fresh hair. Almost.
We were still broken up. We still hadn't spoken. I stilled missed him. So much that I feel his presence over my whole body when he's across the room. It hurt so much. So fucking much.
I sighed as I pressed my back against the brick, sliding down it slightly as I tried to talk myself down.
You're okay.
You're gonna be okay.
The worse part is that the breakup was my fault. It was a stupid fight. A stupid fucking fight, and I overreacted. I know I did. But to go running back, I couldn't swallow that.
Not because it was embarrassing to admit I was wrong, it's because he didn't really fight me on the breakup either.
I remember his face, it haunts me in my fucking dreams. A look of confusion and hurt that quickly turned to anger and a quick "Fine" and the door slammed. And that was it.
I sighed as I pushed my hair out of my face.
I think it came from the rooted trauma from our previous relationships. Too scared to admit we had fallen in love and too scared to get hurt because of it.
We had told each other we loved the other, it rolling off the tounge so easily. I always meant it, I didn't know if he did. I thought he did.
But I haven't spoken to him since that night. The worst part is we were in the same friend group. For the first two weeks, he didn't even look at me. And it fucking killed me.
Sleepless night wondering what he was doing. If he even missed me. It was eating me alive. He won't even talk to me. I thought we were in love, but he hasn't even called.
I hung my head, setting down my drink as my eyes watered. My chin wobbled as I tried not to cry. I felt pathetic. This was pathetic.
I heard the door creak open, making me snap my vision over to the person walking outside. I quickly wiped the tears that were starting to form.
I saw his brown floppy hair move in my line of vision. His blue eyes staring down at me, a concerned look on his face.
Chris.
I swallowed feeling the goosebumps coming over my skin again. I really didn’t want him to see me like this.
"Hey" He breathed standing over me. I didn't look up at him as I looked at my feet. "Hey" I whispered. He shifted on his feet as the sounds of passing cars on the street behind the house filled the silence.
"Are you okay?" He asked softly. I leaned my head against the brick and looked out in front of me.
"Are you?" I whispered, a loaded question to which he didn’t reply.
He didn't say anything as he sighed and sat down next to me. His head hit the brick behind him and he turned his head to look at me. I did the same as him, looking at him.
It was weird being this close to him again. It was like looking at a stranger I was in love with. His eyes glanced over my lips.
He closed his eyes and turned his head facing back forward, pressing his fingers to the bridge of his nose.
"I didn't mean to stare--I just--" He breathed leaning his head back, I just watched him. "I'm sorry if it pissed you off, it wasn't my intention. You're allowed to talk to other guys, I just--" He bit his lip. "I just hate seeing it" He said shaking his head.
I shook my head. "It didn't piss me off" I mumbled. He looked over at me. "I didn't--I just....I don't know" I whispered looking down at my hands. He just stared at me. Silence came between us.
"Your nails are pretty" He said softly looking down at my hands. I smiled down at my lap.
"Thanks Chris" I whispered. He nodded. The silence came again. God this was painful.
"What was his name?" Chris asked tracing his finger on the concreate below us. I opened my mouth to reply, but closed it as I thought. He looked up at me. I looked up narrowing my eyebrows.
"Uhh..." I said shaking my head. Fuck, what was his name?
"I don't think I even asked" I said shaking my head. He smiled and let out a small chuckle. I let out a laugh and hung my head. I shook my head.
"He asked me out" I said blankly. Chris didn't look up at me. I sighed and closed my eyes. "You should go...if that's what you want" Chris mumbled quietly. I looked over at him. He just stared up at me.
"It's not that easy Chris" I said softly. He pursed his lips and nodded. "Yeah, it's not" He shook his head.
I wanted to tell him I missed him so badly, but I didn't know if that's what he wanted to hear. I didn't know if he moved on already or not. I knew nothing about his life for the last month and it was killing me.
"Can I ask you something?" His voice broke me from my thoughts. I nodded as he peered up at me. "Have you--" He bit his lip as if was contemplating if he wanted to ask me.
"Have you hooked up with anyone since we've broken up?" He asked almost as if he was scared for the answer. I felt the embarrassment wash over me as my face turned red. I looked down, biting back an awkward laugh.
"Kind of" I whispered. He didn't say anything, still tracing his finger across the rough concrete. "But not really" I mumbled shaking my head. He looked up at me.
"What does that mean?" He asked. I closed my eyes and sighed.
"I don't wanna tell you" I shook my head. "It's so fucking embarrassing" I said leaning back against the brick. His eyes followed me. A smile crept on his lips as he watched me. I glanced over at him, smiling slightly.
He pushed my shoulder. "Come on, tell me" He smiled as I shifted from his touch. It was the first time he's touched me since we've broke up. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head.
"Who was it?" He asked. I sighed closing my eyes, before looking up at him. He just looked down at me.
"Tyler" I admitted. His smile altered into a straight line. He stared at me for a second before looking off.
"Chris" I pulled his arm. "No, it's okay. You can hook up with whoever. It's just Tyler he's---" He shook his head. I pressed my hands against my face. "Chris come on" I sighed. He bit his lip.
"It's not embarrassing Y/n. Tyler he's good looking--I guess. I mean he's my...friend" Chris shrugged. I rolled my eyes.
"Come on Chris, you guys are not friends" I defended myself. I just looked at the ground.
"Tyler---" I shook my head. "I know it's not embarrassing, that's not what I'm talking about" I shook my head. He looked up at me.
"What happened then?" He asked softly. I groaned closing my eyes.
"Chris, you'll never look at me the same" I shook my head.
"Y/n, I've seen you face down in a puddle of your own puke. I think we’re past the whole uncomfortable phase" He chuckled. My eyes shot open.
"Chris! You swore you'd never bring that up" I said pushing him. He smiled.
"It's okay--you've probably seen me worse, I still love-" He paused. My smile slightly dropped. He froze and let out a breath. I bit my lip and looked forward. I had to get out of this awkward silence.
"We were making out" I explained. He looked over at me. I sighed, not believing I was about to admit this to Chris.
"When?" He asked suddenly. I looked over at him. "Sorry, continue" He shook his head, looking down. I let out a breath.
"It was like two weeks ago" I shook my head. He nodded looking at his feet. "We were making out and we were against a wall---"
"I don't need every single detail" Chris snapped. I looked over at him.
"Right" I shook my head. "Not against a wall" I said shaking my head. He let out a hard breath.
"Did you have sex with him?"
"Would you let me finish?"
He smiled slightly before he nodded. "And he--" I closed my eyes shaking my head. Chris stared at me.
"Was his dick small?" Chris smiled. I pushed him laughing, making him laugh. "No--" I laughed. I sighed. "He stuck his tonuge in my mouth and I--" I cringed remembering the moment. Chris's eyes didn't leave mine.
"You what?"
"I threw up okay?" I said shaking my head. His mouth parted.
"He stuck his tonuge in my mouth and I quite literally puked, right there on the floor next to him" I breathed shaking my head. He let out a breath, smiling.
I groaned and pressed my hands to my face.
"Wow" Chris breathed. I looked over at him, he was holding in a laugh. I pushed him making him bust out in laughter.
"I'm sorry--I'm sorry" He bit down on his smile. I rolled my eyes smiling. "Alright alright" I mumbled shifting my feet below me. He sighed and leaned back.
I glanced over at him.
"Have you?"
"Have I what?"
I looked down, tracing my fingers over my legs.
"Hooked up with anyone else?" I asked softly, not really prepared to be on the other side of this equation.
He let out a breath. "I--" He tilted his head.
"I tried to" He mumbled. I looked up at him, furrowing my eyebrows.
"What do you mean?" I asked. He groaned closing his eyes and shaking his head.
"I'm not telling you" He breathed. My mouth fell open.
"I just told you that another guy tried to kiss me and I threw up, and yours is too embarrassing?" I asked glaring at him smiling. He smiled and nodded.
"I--can't tell you" He said shaking his head. "It's more embarrassing than throwing up?" I chucked. His eyes widened. "Yes" He said chuckling. I narrowed my eyes at him.
"You literally sat in my bed and begged me to let you call me mommy and this--"
"Woah! Hey." His face turned red and he shook his head. I chuckled and shook my head as he took in a breath. I bit back a smile.
"Sorry, maybe that was too far" I smiled. He smiled and shook his head.
"I thought it was hot" I shrugged making him chuckle. I looked over at him, he met my eyes. I pursed my lips.
"Who was it?" I asked softly. He just looked at me, before looking down at his feet.
“Taylor" He said. I raised my eyebrows and looked away nodding. "Taylor" I emphasised nodding. He sighed next to me.
"She's always wanted you--Chris I literally told you-" I shook my head.
"Y/n, don’t. Please." He mumbled. I let out a breath, flattening my back against the wall, taking in a breath. Y/n, calm down.
"I was wondering why she stopped showing up when we all hung out" I mumbled.
"Yeah, I don't think she really wants to be around me anymore" He mumbled shaking his head. I looked up at him, raising my eyebrows. He blinked at me for a second before sighing.
"Okay fine I-" He bit his lip. "She was over at the house hanging out with Nick and it had been a week since we ended and--"
"A week?" I asked staring at him. He blinked at me. "Can you just listen to the story please?" He sighed. I nodded pulling my knees to my chest as he spoke.
"And she came into my room and we started kissing" He shook his head. I swallowed the lump in my throat picturing Taylor on top of Chris.
My fucking Chris.
I hope she has insurance on her car.
"And we started to like--" He closed his eyes. I clenched my jaw.
"You had sex with her" I stated. He sighed. "No, I didn't" He corrected me. I looked up at him.
"She wanted to like....." He bit his lip. He glanced over at me, before closing his eyes. "You know like...." He shook his head.
"What Chris? Suck your dick? Is it that hard to say?" I snapped. He opened his eyes and sighed. I turned.
"Bitch probably couldn't even fit it in her mouth" I mumbled to myself. He chuckled. "Y/n" He sighed. I shrugged.
"What? Her mouth is small, and she never shuts the fuck up it's like she's constantly like wamp wamp--" I started to mimick her.
"Y/n, I'm not done" He chuckled. I turned and looked at him, leaning back. "Yeah sorry, tell me about the amazing blowjob you got from a friend of ours" I glared at him. He groaned.
"Y/n, I didn't" He snapped.
I blinked at him. "What do you mean?" I asked after a few seconds. He looked forward, his face twisted. He glanced over at me before looking back forward.
"I couldn't--" He sighed closing his eyes.
"My dick wouldn't get hard" He admitted. I blinked at him before tucking my lips in my mouth to keep myself from smiling. I turned my head. He looked over at me.
"Hey"
I busted out laughing before covering my mouth.
"I'm sorry, no sorry--That's not--That's not funny" I shook my head. He smiled and shook his head, looking down. I smiled down at him.
"No maybe it is kinda funny” I mumbled. “Because, I never had that problem" I shrugged. He pushed my shoulder, shaking his head.
"Yeah it was....it was quite literally mortifying" He shook his head. I smiled and shook my head.
"It's not" I whispered. He just looked over at me, letting out a breath. I swallowed letting out a breath.
"I--" He shook his head. I looked up at him. "Really miss you" He breathed looking down at his feet. I just looked at him.
"And I don't know if that's stupid to admit, or if you're not feeling that way too, but I do. I really do" He shook his head. I just watched him as he leaned against his elbows and looked off.
I reached over and pressed my hand to the side of his face before pulling his face to mine connecting our lips.
He froze against me as I moved my lips against him, but then his hand came to my waist as he kissed me back, pulling me closer to him.
Fuck, I missed this feeling.
He leaned down to kiss me harder for a second before pulling away.
We both breathed heavily staring at each other. "I'm so stupid for losing you" I whispered looking at him. A smile came to his face before he looked down, his hand running up my arm.
My eyes met his.
-
I moaned as his hands came over my sides and his lips attacked my neck, biting down hard.
"You smell so good" He mumbled his hands gripping my dress at the side, pulling it up over my hips.
I didn’t even feel the way the handle of the door was digging into my back. Not with the way he pressed himself against me.
I moaned and arched my back wanting to be as close to him as possible.
“I missed your sounds…so pretty” He whispered before meeting my eyes and smashing his lips onto mine. A rough, needy, I missed you, kiss. I pushed him back off the door as we tumbled towards the bed.
He pulled me under him, never disconnecting our lips. He moved back down to my neck as he pulled down the straps of my dress.
“I’m sorry—I should have never—“ I mumbled but his hand came up to my face and covered my mouth to keep me from speaking as his lips covered my neck.
“I know you’re sorry. We’re past that. I’m just going to show you how much I missed you” He whispered before pulling the bottom of my dress up and scaling down my body. I just watched him.
My eyes widened before he pushed my legs apart and pressed his lips to the inside of my thighs.
God, I missed his lips. So soft.
“Missed your legs” he mumbled against my thigh. I bucked my hips towards his face and his lips left my leg. He pushed my hips down.
“Don’t get greedy, I’m taking my time with you” He breathed staring down at me. I stared up at him. “Yeah? How much time?” I whispered.
“About one month, two days, and 5 hours worth of time” He breathed and connecting our lips again before I even had time to process what he said.
He kissed my lips hungrily, like he was earlier. I was too. I had almost forgotten what his lips tasted like. Almost. I remember as soon as he pushed my tongue in my mouth.
I moaned at the taste. He smiled against me.
God, no one was ever going to be him.
He pulled back.
“We’re back together now right?” He breathed attempting to catch his breath as he looked down at me. I wrapped my arms around his neck, pulling his lips back to mine. I couldn’t get enough.
“Are you dumb?” I breathed kissing him back. He smiled against me. I could kiss him all day long if he’d let me. I wanted to taste every part of him.
But the pulsing between my legs made me realize the kiss needed to be cut short soon.
I wrapped my legs around his waist. “Please, Chris” I whispered. He smiled and pressed his lips to my cheek.
“Just as needy as I remember” He smiled. I pushed him over and straddled him. “Yeah? And I bet your dick is as hard as a rock” I said raising my eyebrows.
“How about you find out?” He challenged. I smiled before running my hand over his stomach. He let out a breath. I smiled up at him as he closed his eyes.
I ran my hand over him against his jeans.
I was right to say the least.
“Taylor couldn’t make you feel like this could she?” I breathed as I pressed down. He moaned pushing against my hand.
“Y/n” he breathed his eyes screwed shut. I smiled before fumbling with the buckle on his jeans.
He grabbed my hands.
“No, you first” He said. In one swift motion, I was pinned down under him again. I struggled against his grip.
“No, I you first” I said looking up at him. He chuckled.
Only two people who desperately craved each other would fight over who could get who off first.
“I fucking missed you, my love”
“I missed you more” I whispered back. He pressed his lips against mine, softer than before and released my hands.
“But I’m touching you first” He breathed and my arms were pinned again. I sighed before I stopped resisting. He released my hands when he noticed my lack of resistance and pulled my dress over my head.
He pressed his hands to my cheeks and gave me another passionate kiss before his lips trailed down my body. I squirmed underneath his slow touch, it was killing me.
I hadn't done anything since the breakup. It's like my entire body went cold and rejected any other form of pleasure since he wasn't the one giving it to me. So, his lips trailing down my stomach had me arching against him.
He finally made it down to where I wanted him and in one quick motion he grabbed my legs and flipped me over onto my stomach. I yelped as I fell first face into the pillow.
I went to look back at it him but before I could turn my head he grabbed my knees and lifted me up, and I had to place my hands to brace myself so I didn't fall on my face and break my neck.
"Chris-" I began to question but was cut off when he licked a stripe against me. I whined and gripped the sheets. His hands squeezed my legs as he hummed against me. "Missed you so much" He mumbled against me sending vibrations through me.
I couldn't speak all I did was whine as his mouth moved against me. From this position, I wasn't lasting long. I took hard long breaths against the pillow. His mouth moved against me the way he knew drove me crazy. Slow and sensual. Over and over.
His tongue moved slow inside of me. It drove a low moan through me. It was embarrassing how fast the build up was. I whined.
"Close-Close---" I began to breath as I pushed against him. He smiled against me. Smirked. I wanted scold him if I could think. He moved faster and I screamed before I released all over his face. I let out a breath as I collasped against the bed.
"Come on, so fast baby? You used to last longer than that, Seems like you missed me" He leaned over me and whispered against my ear. I could barley see. I didn't reply all I could do was try to catch my breath. I heard him fumbled with his belt before it hit against the floor.
I turned my head turned to look behind me at him as he pushed his pants down. "More?" I panted against the pillow. His head fell back as he palmed himself against his boxers.
"You lasted 30 seconds, that didn't count" He panted. I glared at him before flipping under him, grabbing him by his shirt and pulling him to the bed. I climbed over him.
"That's because I didn't get off when we were apart. I don't get to touch myself, you don't either" I looked down at him before grabbing his arms and pinning them above his head. He smiled up at me.
"I missed my girl so much" He panted before lifting his head. I chuckled before pressing my lips against his breifly. He tilted his head back.
"I need those pretty nails wrapped around me, please" He shifted under me. I smiled as I traced my nails across his face and under his chin. I felt him harden under me.
"You know why I picked this nail color don't you?" I pressed my lips to his ear. He whined. "I know red is your favorite color on me" I whispered before dragging my nails down his chest. His chest rose and fell.
"Please" He whispered as his hands came over his face.
I smiled as I hooked my fingers under his boxers. He let go of my breath as I released him. I stared down at him. Fuck, did it get bigger?
"Y/n" He breathed under his hands from my pause. Fuck, right. My hands came over his before I pressed my lips to his tip softly. He moaned quietly. He pulsed under my touch, already leaking precum.
I pressed my lips down him. "Are you in pain baby?" I whispered. He just moaned. I smiled before sinking my mouth over him.
"Fuck, Y/n" His hand went to the back of my head, pressing my head down to take all of him. I moaned against his taste.
He twitched in my mouth as he panted out breaths as he guided my head. My hands wrapped around what I couldn't fit. He looked down at me.
"You look so pretty around me, so pretty" He breathed as I looked up at him. He pushed up against my mouth. I gagged when he hit the back of my throat. "That's--it. Fuck" He shook as I countiued my pace and he continued to push up against me.
I almost choked when my nose hit his lower stomach. I felt him twitch inside me and he gripped my hair and pulled me off him. I wiped my mouth and furrowed my eyebrows.
"Why--" I protested. He grabbed my arm throwing me under him and flipping me.
"I'm not finishing in your mouth" He pulled me against his chest. I turned and looked at him. "You just didn't want to finish in 30 seconds" I teased. His hand came around my throat.
"I suggest you shut it and take it like a good girl who missed me" He pressed his lips against my neck as he spread my legs apart with his knees. I attempted to swallow.
"You missed me more" I choked. He chuckled.
"Wanna see how much more?" He whispered before he pushed into me. I took in a breath as I leaned against his chest. He pulled out, barley giving me time to adjust before slamming back into me.
"Chris!" I whined leaning my head back against his shoulder. He kissed the side of my face softly, as if he wasn't destorying my body. My knees shook and his hand came around my waist to hold me up.
"You can take it, don't act like you can't" He breathed as he pushed into me again, harder. I cried out from the impact.
"Chris" I panted, putting my hand on the back of his neck behind me. "I know, I know" He whispered kissing my neck as he countiuously pushed deeper, making me feel every, single, inch.
"So perfect for me, stretching so good for me" He moaned. I clenched against him from his words. "Fuck-" He bit down on my shoulder.
“Mine”
He pushed harder
“Mine”
Faster.
“Chris” I felt the air in my lungs leave. I opened my mouth, but nothing came out as my vision got blurry.
"Please" I cried. "What? What do you want my love?" He whispered. I gripped his hair, pulling on it. He moaned as he quickened his pace.
"Come with me" He said quickly and hit a particularly brutal thrust and I snapped. A few seconds later he did to. I fell forwards on my hands and he pulled out before I felt his arms come around me, pulling me into him.
We both caught our breath and I blinked my eyes open. He smiled down at me. I shook my head letting a chuckle escape my lips. He laughed lightly and brushed his hands through my hair.
"That was--" I shook my head.
"The best sex we've ever had?" He asked raising his eyebrows. I smiled and pressed my forehead against his chest. His arms tightened around me.
"You know the best part about these walls being paper thin?" He asked making my eyes shoot open.
"It's that the jackass with the button up shirt that thinks he's taking you out on Saturday, just heard you screaming my name" He chuckled. I looked up at him before pushing his chest, shaking my head.
He pulled me back towards him.
"I do love you, and I should have never let what happen--happen. I missed the fuck out of you" He whispered looking down at me. I smiled and leaned up pressing my lips to his.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have either" I mumbled against his lips. He smiled. He sat up before grabbing his shirt.
"So my place or yours?" He asked looking down at me. I sat up pulling the covers with me as I scanned the floor for my dress.
"Yours" I stated as I grabbed the dress.
-
We walked out of the room, Chris's hand grasping mine. I looked up to see Nick and Matt leaning against the wall at the end of the hall, staring. My eyes widened as Chris dragged me towards them.
"So you two are back together clearly" Nick pointed between us. I looked towards the ground. "Yeah" Chris breathed staring at Nick. I bit back a smile. Matt chuckled and shook his head.
"I'll meet you guys back at the house?" Chris asked passing them and pulling me against him, leaning down and kissing the inside of my neck. I shook my head as I tried not to laugh. Nick rolled his eyes.
"Nice to see you again, y/n" Matt waved. I waved and shook my head as Chris drug me out of the house, fast.
Preview: Y/n had never wanted to go to college. A lack of a second option to pursue led her to RedHeart University. She ends up at a house in the middle of the woods, far from campus due to having to finish up her final project with Chris. Upon meeting his brother, Matt, something ignites in her that is unexplainable and… irresistible.
WARNINGS: 18+, blood/gore, smut, death, overall mature themes, and more.
A/N: Reblogs, likes, comments, and interactions are all VERY appreciated!!!
Comment to be added to the taglist!!
Not a word was spoken for an entire week. We continued the newly founded schedule, staying in the art studio all day, holding each other all night.
Currently, we were sitting on the stools. I hold out a paintbrush, shoving it into his hand as he looks up at me with a cocked head. I pull his hand down by the wrist right above the paint.
He raises an eyebrow at me as I nod my head, gesturing towards the mostly blank canvas. He nods, dipping his brush in paint and brushing it on the canvas. I join in as we start painting the blank space with colors.
***
The sun setting with a pink and blue, cotton candy sky brings me back to realization as my bottom feels sore from the stool. In front of me lies a now filled canvas, decorated with pink and red roses, tied together with a black ribbon.
I place my brush down, resting my hand on his shoulder. He tenses from the touch, seemingly coming back to reality. He looks at me with sad eyes, averting his gaze outside as he gulps. I lean my head onto his shoulder, squeezing his hand in my own.
“Matt.” I say. He hums in response, tensing at the surprise of the words leaving my mouth. “I’ve forgiven you…you need to forgive yourself. Please.” I say.
I feel his shoulder shake, looking up to see him shaking his head. “I, I, can’t…I can’t. I don’t even understand how you’ve forgiven me, I hurt you.” He exclaims.
I move, squeezing his hand tighter, nuzzling my head on his shoulder slightly. “I love you, that’s why. It hurts so bad, but now it’s just us-something no one can take away anymore. You brought us peace, Matt. I know you, you never wanted to get to this point, but we’re here and it’s okay.” I assure him.
The silence consumes us as we watch the sun set, his head hesitantly leaning down on my own.
***
Each day was spent close to the same. We had figured out a routine, things that brought us both peace.
***
“Wanna go for a walk?” Matt suggests.
We walk around, hand-in-hand, admiring the forest surrounding us. With each echoing step, Matt rubs his thumb over the back of my hand.
“I love you so much.” He expresses softly.
I look at him, seeing him already trained on me with a soft gaze. I smile at him, watching his lips curl up, almost mirroring mine.
“I love you, Matt.” I say, squeezing his hand.
***
Drinking blood for the first time was intimidating. But, all that intimidation led to interest when he explained soulmates could live off each other’s blood. Well, not really live, more like stay content.
The first time I had sunk my teeth into his neck, I was envious how I hadn’t experienced the feeling of his blood trickling down my throat before.
To live without this would be equivalent to not living at all.
My mind kept playing tricks on me it seemed, everytime I felt impossibly close to him. My heart would feel like it was beating, but no movement of pulsing was ever found as I laid my palm over my chest.
I didn’t have to be alive to feel alive.
All I needed was him.
All is well.
***
We had started our personal garden in the backyard. Matt had hunted down the exact seed of the flower I had first bloomed when arising from the ground.
He went out with me, watering them everyday as we interlocked hands. It was hard not to touch him, almost like a sadness that made me feel barren and cold.
Made me feel dead.
The flowers had begun to blossom as he plucked one from the root. I tilt my head at his behavior, curious.
“Turn around, please.”
I oblige, turning my back to him. I feel his breath on the back of my head and his fingers fiddle with the ribbon securing my hair. He tucks in the flowers, tightening the ribbon gently. His lips land on the top of my shoulder, my hairs standing straight up and I crane my head to look over at him.
As we make eye contact, my heart swells. His eyes looking in mine feel like heaven on Earth.
***
We lay on our silk sheets in our bed. He leans against the headboard, petting me as I lay between his legs.
“Matt?” I ask, looking up at him.
He looks at me, continuing his actions. “What’s on your mind, honey?” He questions.
“Have you forgiven yourself?”
He looks away with a pout tugging on his lips at my question. “I’m…I’m trying-I’m getting there.” He answers.
I give him a sympathetic smile, pulling his head down and kissing him upside down. “We got forever, don’t worry.” I assure.
He smiles against my lips, pecking me softly, love oozing out from his aura.
***
I used to think fate was cruel. It put me into an unloving family, pushed me into the arms of the same person who would kill me. Fate was twisted, demented, it had never felt kind.
But every brush of his skin against mine brought one thought to my mind.
Preview: Y/n had never wanted to go to college. A lack of a second option to pursue led her to RedHeart University. She ends up at a house in the middle of the woods, far from campus due to having to finish up her final project with Chris. Upon meeting his brother, Matt, something ignites in her that is unexplainable and… irresistible.
WARNINGS: 18+, blood/gore, smut, death, overall mature themes, and more.
A/N: Reblogs, likes, comments, and interactions are all VERY appreciated!!!
Comment to be added to the taglist!!
“It’s gonna be okay, I’ll find a solution.”
The words that had left his mouth over and over as he held me in his arms tightly.
Every book, every paper, every piece of writing he ever had was strayed across the table. The same table I had read about Felicity for the first time, thinking she was the threat, not Nate. Matt had left, chasing after Nate to contain him. It was no use. He couldn’t even temporarily hurt him without hurting me.
He found that out the hard way when he had punched him in the gut. I could barely bend or move without a shriek leaving my mouth, my ribs now fractured. Luckily, Nick had an extensive knowledge about health-enough to be a doctor.
There was nothing, leaving us with one last option, but an option that Matt was not very fond of. He didn’t trust Chris or anyone to watch after Nate, not when they could potentially be hurting me. Nick had been taking care of me, but he had no words to say.
There was nothing anyone could say.
The mansion had grown silent with Matt and Nate playing a chasing game. Chris and Emily locked away in their room, Nick sitting on Matt’s bed while tending to my broken ribs.
My body feels weak, but not as weak as my mind. Nick and I had rummaged through the paper for a countless amount of hours, but there was only one possible solution.
Era.
The witch had been hidden away in her cabin not too far from here. But, after hearing of Nate and Matt’s argument when Isabelle had died, she refused to talk to either of them, not wanting to directly involve herself in the dispute.
She’s much older than Matt and all, knowing better than to risk anything of the sort. However, that left few options to go to talk to her. She was very old, very traditional, which meant she had hated Nick ever since she found out his soulmate was a man. She had never met Emily, so going with her was off the table.
Which left only one person; Chris.
After hearing this, Matt had stormed off, not bothering to even consider the option.
But, it really wasn’t an option.
“Feeling any better?” Nick questions.
“I mean, I feel like my ribs are broken, so no, not really.” I attempt to laugh, only to grimace at the painful burning sensation in my ribs.
I hear a knock on the door, seeing Matt walking in with blood covering his hands. He drags Nate in by the arm, who is almost completely drenched in blood. Matt’s expression is blank, but his eyes tell me exactly what he’s feeling.
Hopeless.
“Take him, please.” Matt says. Nick walks over, rustling Nate into his grasp, but not too harshly. The pair walk out of the room, Nate’s sick laugh echoing in the halls as they get further and further.
Matt shuts the door, leaning his forehead on it with his back facing me as I lay on the bed. He lets out a deep sigh, making my lips form into a pout. I attempt to move, only the squeal at the sudden pain. Matt immediately turns around, helping me lay back down as he sits on the edge of the bed.
Hopeless.
I see his back shake, hearing him sniffle. “We have to go to Era, Matt.” I say.
He shakes his head, rubbing his face in his hands. “How could you even say that? After what Chris did to you, you really think I’d let you go off with him?” His voice breaks as his bloodshot eyes stare into mine.
I reach my hand out slowly, keeping my torso still. I take his hand in my own, giving him a sympathetic smile. “Matt, let’s talk to him, okay? He’s your brother.” I say.
“He is not my brother anymore.” He spits.
A knock on the door sounds, the door creaking open as Emily peeks her head in. “Can I come in?” I nod, watching her stand at the foot of the bed with her hands clasped together in front of her chest.
“I’m really sorry, Y/n-and Matt. You both didn’t deserve any of this, and it’s kind of my fault.” She says.
“How is it your fault, Emily? You didn’t do anything, it’s okay.” I reassure.
She shakes her head, staring at the ground. “I…I cried to him almost every night, I told him how I wished that you didn’t have powers. I sobbed into his chest, night after night, day after day…it’s my fault. Chris isn’t a bad person, he doesn’t do bad things. I pushed him, he can’t stand me being sad-not even about fucking ice cream, I shouldn’t have ever said anything to him. This is my fault.” She cries.
Matt shakes his head in his hands, slapping his hands down on his thighs with a loud huff. “Great, it’s your fault too, now get the fuck out!” He screams.
I go to say something, but Emily is long gone before my mouth even opens. “Matt-”
“Don’t. Everyone who I trusted, everyone who you trusted, has been so fucking cruel. Now I have to make the decision whether or not to completely betray you or not, which I won’t-I can’t. But, I also can’t lose you. If something bad happens…I don’t know if I’ll be able to control myself.” He expresses with a soft voice.
Would you let me die?
Or would you make me live with the pain of feeling dead?
Would I ever forgive you?
Would you ever forgive yourself?
“I understand, trust me, I really understand. But, he did what he did for a reason, Matt. Imagine being in his shoes, imagine me sobbing every night into your arms and an offer is made to grant my wishes, just like Emily said. Matt, I know you’re angry and upset, and you have every right to be, but he is your brother. He is our only chance at solving this, too.” I remark.
He lets out a deep sigh, nodding his head in agreement. “You’re right. Can I just…can I just hold you for a minute? I need to calm down.” He says.
I give him a light smile as he lays down next to me on the bed. He brings his arms carefully under my shoulders, letting me adjust so I don’t hurt myself. As we settle into the sheets, I feel his chest rise and fall with a sigh of contentment.
“I’m sorry I hurt you.” He says.
I move my head up to stare up at him from his chest. “You didn’t hurt me, Matt. You’d never hurt me purposely-that’s all I care about anyhow. I love you, Matt.”
I love you.
The words slip out of my lips almost as if a habit. Sure, I had thought about them too many times, correlating them with a feeling-not real words. My cheeks heat up as I lay back down on his chest.
“I love you. So much it hurts.” He says, kissing the top of my head softly.
The smile is irreplaceable on my lips.
“My heart may not beat, but you make it feel like it does. I’ve never felt more alive than when I’m with you.” He expresses.
I curl further into his side as he caresses up and down my arm. The feeling brings tingles that create warmth and goosebumps at the same time.
Everything is burning down around us, but I’ve never felt better.
***
After the long cuddle session, Matt ventured off to bring Chris to our room.
Our room.
He had said the words first, right before he left without even realizing.
As the door creaks open, I see Chris and Matt walk in. The tension is high as Matt sits down by my side. Chris stays standing, biting his nails at the foot of the bed. “Listen-I’m, I’m really sorry. It’s just, Emily was so-” He starts.
“We know, Chris. It’s not okay, but I understand.” I explain.
He looks in between Matt and I, cracking his knuckles aggressively. “I need you to take her to Era and find out how to reverse this. You’re the only one that’s welcome anymore.” Matt initiates.
“Really? You trust me?” He asks, hopefully.
“”No-” Matt cuts off, “You’re just the only option. You’re not forgiven and I don’t trust you right now-but this is all I have left. If she doesn’t have a solution…” He trails off, shaking his head.
“Okay…” Chris says, disappointedly. “When do I take her?”
***
The drive with Chris hadn’t been long. We drove deeper into the woods, fewer houses and buildings in sight. Chris pulled up in front of a small, worn-down house. We both get out, making our way to the door.
Chris knocks on the hollow wood, the door immediately creaking open as a woman opens the door. She’s beautiful, looking like she is full of life. “Come in.” She opens the door further, allowing us in as we follow her footsteps after she closes the door.
We venture through the vintage house, arriving in a sunroom with tarot cards spread on the table. She sits on one side, gesturing for us to sit on the opposite. Chris and I sit in the wooden chairs, both tense as she stares us down.
“I’ve heard of your situation, but explain to me in full detail what you need help with.” She commands.
Chris takes a deep breath, rubbing his hands together. “Matt let Nate’s soulmate die because she didn’t want to be a vampire and have her powers taken away from her. Nate, in return, made a plan to get revenge. Long story short, she has an enchanted necklace that links her life to Nate’s. Anytime he gets hurt, she gets hurt.” He shakes his head, looking into his lap.
“I…Nate gave him an ultimatum. He either keeps killing town’s people or…” He trails off.
Era looks between the two of us, her eyes settling down on my necklace. “Or she dies, leaving Matt with the decision of turning her or not, correct?” Chris nods his head.
Her eyes squint in on Chris. “Who placed it on her? Nate couldn’t-”
“I did.” Chris admits, shamefully. She nods her head, sucking her lips in between her teeth as she analyzes me with intent.
She reaches over, grabbing a book and opening it up on the table. She flips through the pages, scanning with her finger until a clicking noise is heard from her tongue. “There’s no solution in here, but I can give you one. After all, Matt is a dear friend of mine.” She says.
I nod my head, leaning forward in anticipation. She slams the book shut, pointing at the pendant hanging from my neck. “Kill Nate, break the locket. It has to be done immediately.” She explains urgently.
I shake my head, grabbing the metal heart in my hands. “What do you mean?” I ask.
She shakes her head, crossing her hand over one another on the table. Looking straight at me, she cocks her head to the side. “I’m a seer, I can see the future. Trust me when I say this,” She reaches out, grabbing both of my hands in hers. I look into her eyes, finding nothing but calming reassurance.
“You have to be alone, just you, Matt, and Nate. Nate must die. The necklace must be broken immediately, you may fall dead from the pain, but you or Matt must break the locket. All will be well.” She finishes, pulling her hands away from mine.
Her eyes stare into mine with a look of wisdom.
All will be well.
***
The car ride home had been silent, an unwavering tension as we pulled into the gravel road. Matt was seen from a distance, waiting at the front of the house. Nate stood in between him and Nick, seemingly struggling as he attempted to pull out of their grasp.
After getting out of the car and making our way inside of the mansion, Nate pulls away with one arm. With his now free arm, he punches the table as hard as possible.
I scream at the newfound pain, holding my hand in agony as it begins to swell. Matt curses, ripping Nate back and pinning both of his arms behind him.
He looks over at me, subtle tears welling up in his eyes. “Are you okay? Please tell me you have a solution, please.” He says.
I nod at him, watching his chest heave with a sigh of relief. Nate pulls desperately, making Matt grip him hard enough that I begin to feel my own wrists bruising. “We’ll hold him, you go talk to him.” Chris suggests.
He walks over, taking Matt’s place as we wander around the corner and outside. Shutting the door, Matt immediately pulls me into his arms. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry.” He chants, a soft enclosure of his arms, hesitant like he’ll break me.
I rub his back soothingly, letting his breath even out before I begin explaining. “Era said we have to kill Nate, and then immediately break the necklace.” I say.
Matt pulls away, shaking his head furiously. “No, we can’t.”
A sudden pain erupts in the back of my head. I reach around, feeling a dampness. Bringing my hand back around, I see crimson on my fingers. My brain feels fuzzy as my feet stumble onto Matt. He catches me with ease.
He holds me in his arms as we walk back inside. I cling onto his shirt, willing myself to stay standing. I open my eyes, seeing Chris straddling Nate on the ground with Nick pulling a metal candle holder from his grasp.
“Did I make her bleed, Matt?” Nate taunts.
I hear Matt swallow, his grip tensing. “Bring him down to the cellar.” Matt orders.
Matt starts walking with me as he holds me up against his side. We make our way down the stairs, past the sink that he had once had me pinned up against.
It might be my blood on the sink next.
We warp around the corridor, entering a room with a metal door and jail-like interior. Chris throws Nate into a cellar, cuffing both his hands around the metal pole. Nate laughs mockingly before resting his face in between the metal bars.
Chris leaves, shutting the metal door behind him. Matt walks over, locking the door and pacing back to me. He walks up to Nate, holding out a hand as Nate tries to slam his forehead into the bars.
“Can’t keep me here forever, Matt. I’ll make sure to kill her, trust me. I don’t even have to die for her to die, she’s as weak as a human!” He laughs out cynically.
“Y/n, go in the metal lockbox with this key.” Matt directs, tossing me the keys.
I catch the keys, walking over and twisting the key in the lock. It opens, revealing a metal stake. I swallow, grabbing it while imagining the pain of it carving into my chest.
“Whatcha doing? Is she not giving you good enough head? Sick of her already?” Nates teases.
I watch as Matt brings his face in closer to Nates, gripping his hair. I groan at the pain, watching Matt’s fist loosen around his locks. “Fuck you. Era told us the solution, luck for you-you get to die.” Matt spits.
Nate sucks in his cheeks, squinting at me as I walk up to Matt. Matt pulls away, grabbing the stake from my hands. “I mean-I wouldn’t mind dying, trust me. But, there’s no way of getting around this, Matt. We both know how magic works.” He states.
Matt shakes his head, walking towards Nate who stays in his place. Matt pushes him down to the floor as he follows the movements obediently. As Nate lays flat on the floor, Matt holds the stake up right above his chest.
“Wait!” I exclaim.
I walk over, placing my hand over Matt’s. He lets me take the stake as I shove him, taking his position.
“It’s gonna hurt too bad, I won’t be able to break the necklace. I have to do this so you can break it, okay?” Matt nods his head hesitantly, pressing his back against mine as we kneel. His hand wraps around mine as we drive the stake into the air.
I take a deep breath, preparing myself for the feeling of death.
“I’m so sorry for this.” Matt whispers.
We drive our hands down together, plugging the wood into Nate’s chest.
I crumble with a sob as blood starts to pool from my chest.
It burns as if I had been lit on fire.
No pain had ever amounted even close to the pure flame in my chest. The breath feels stuck as I try to inhale, blood pooling from my lips.
“Hey, hey, it’s okay, it’s okay.” Matt exclaims, rushedly laying me down as he pulls the necklace away from my neck and onto the concrete floor.
I see as he raises his fist, but as the blood pooling in my mouth drowns me as I squint my eyes shut.
It burns so much.
I hear the crack as the necklace falls loose from my neck.
“Look at me, come on, look at me.” Matt encourages.
I open my eyes, tears clouding my vision. He looks panically between the necklace, Nate, and I. But, the pain doesn’t stop and I can’t breathe. I look over to see the broken necklace, blood spilled around the purple seeds.
I see the seeds start to sprout as I let my eyes shut, my ears ringing as Matt’s yells echo through the cells.
***
A large gasp escapes my mouth as I shoot up into a sitting position. I place my hand on my chest, breathing a sigh of relief as I realize I’m alive and in the same spot I had last seen, Nate's body laying cold and lifeless next to me. I look forward, seeing Matt holding onto my hands, his face covered in blood, the same with his hands.
His eyes are red, staring down at me with intent. I become conscious of the warmth radiating off from his touch, the urge to pull him close stronger than ever before. I can’t help but succumb to the urge, crawling into his arms as he embraces me while peppering kisses all over my face and head.
I laugh at his behavior, curling into his chest. He holds me tightly as we relax into each other’s arms. As my breath evens out, I notice something.
The lack of something.
My body is still, too still. I listen closely, being met with nothing but silence.
No pulse. No heartbeat.
I’m dead.
I died.
I feel the lack of something, a disorientation that washes waves of sadness over me. I let the tears fall as sobs escape my mouth. “Hey, shh, shhh, it’s okay.” He reassures.
I attempt to push myself out of his grip, but he only pulls me in closer. “What did you do! What did you do!” I yell, punching in at his chest. Finally letting me pull away slightly, I gasp at the realization.
The purple plant is fully bloomed on the floor, his eyes are bloodshot and red, truly red. His fangs are dripping with the same crimson, a cruel smile painted on his face. His smile falls as he begins to look more human.
His face falls completely, a single tear streaming down. “I…I’m so sorry…I..” He chokes on his words as I let myself fall limp in his arms.
My heart was hollow, a heartbreak I had never felt anything close to.
He continues to mutter apologies, rocking me back and forth as I stare up at the gray ceiling. I let the tears fall, streaming down into my ear uncomfortably, but I don’t care.
***
My eyes stayed wide open until the tears could no longer fall. Matt’s eyes don’t reach mine, staring down at the floor in front of us as he cradles me in his arms. Without any words, he stands up, carrying me to his bedroom.
Nate’s words ring out in my head, “I mean-I wouldn’t mind dying, trust me. But, there’s no way of getting around this, Matt. We both know how magic works.”
We both know how magic works.
“You knew.” I stare blankly, emotions void from my voice.
I see his lip quiver as he nods his head up and down. “I…I didn’t know completely, but I…had a feeling.” He chokes out.
You hurt me.
You finally hurt me.
You couldn’t protect me from yourself.
We continue in utter silence as we wash off in his shower. I stay completely still as he washes my body and his own. He dries us both off, dressing us as he lays me down in the bed. I curl into his chest absent-mindedly, not able to stray away from his radiating heat.
The only thing that can comfort me is the person who just killed me-taking away something I can never get back.
But, that thought leaves as soon as I look up to see his tightly, closed eyes with tears streaming out as his lips stay in a tightline, silencing his cries.
I’ve already forgiven you somehow. My love is much stronger than my hate for you.
But will you ever forgive yourself?
***
When we woke up, no words were exchanged as we made our way, hand-in-hand, up to the art studio. We sit at the table that outlooks into the backyard on the stools. I shift my closer to his, our sides touching. He pulls down a canvas and paint, grabbing a jar of brushes and handing it to me.
I use my dominant hand to paint as the other stays in his hold.
I can’t let go of you or I might break.
I let the brush dance across the canvas, creating the flowers that had sprouted from the ground around me when I first woke up after the ritual.
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summary: a girl with a lot of baggage and a boy with even more try to help put each others pieces back together one by one. A story about a girl who’s broken and a boy who doesn’t talk
warnings: MENTIONS OF ANOREXIA!! not in grave detail but it is mentioned, if this triggers you just please skip over it. Mentions of a drunk parent.
—————————————————————-
I shivered as the coldness of the air without Matt's jacket came over me. My heart was beating against my chest as I walked up to the car of people I didn't know. I forced a smile when they all acknowledged me walking up to them.
There were two other girls. One blonde, one dark haired. One smiled, the other didn’t. There were two boys there too, other than Jake.
I lifted a hand to wave as I approached them.
“Hey” I breathed. Once my eyes landed on the boys I immediately recognized them as the ones who were picking on Matt yesterday. My eyes widened.
Fuck.
“Hey! Guys this is Y/n, she just moved here. Play nice” Jake came around them and over to me. While introducing me his hand came to my lower back. I blinked up at him, tearing my attention away from the ones I recognized.
"I almost hit her with my car, so I'm still trying to get on her good side" He chuckled as his hand trailed off my back. I looked up at him and forced a nervous chuckle.
I looked up at the guys and they narrowed their eyes at me. I swallowed. Standing in front of their friends, on their territory, I wasn't as confident as I was when I called them assholes when I was standing up for Matt.
"So you're new then?" The blonde asked as she hit the cigarette in between her fingers. I glanced down to her hands and then back up to her eyes. I nodded and gave a soft smile.
“You smoke?” She asked. I shook my head. “No thank you” I shook my head. She raised her eyebrows. “I wasn’t offering. I was asking if you smoked” She stated.
I opened my mouth and looked at Jake then back to her. “Oh, no I don’t smoke” I shook my head. She widened her eyes and nodded looking off, annoyed. I shuffled on my feet.
“Good you shouldn’t it’s gross” Jake said taking the cigarette out of her fingers and smashing it between his sneaker and the ground. She glared at him.
“Hey” She snapped at him. He shook his head. “I thought you said you were quitting” The dark haired girl leaned over to her. She snapped her vision to her.
“I am” She said defensively. She turned and glared at me. I turned away swallowing.
"Alright, I'm starving. Can we go please?" One of the guys I had recongized said. Jake sighed and nodded.
"Yeah let's go. Lacey, Nadia. You guys go with Gavin and Tyler. We'll meet you" Jake said looking at them and then looked down at me.
I looked between them.
The blonde sighed and pushed off his car and walked away. The dark haired girl smiled at me and followed her. I just watched them as Jake came over to me.
"Come on, let's go" He breathed as he walked towards his drivers seat. I nodded as I walked over to the passenger seat. I turned and looked off where Matt was once standing, but he was long gone.
I don't know why I felt guilty and a little nervous. I felt nervous without Matt. I swallowed as I pulled the door of the car open and slid in.
-
"I'm Nadia" The dark haired girl sat on the other side of me. Jake was on my other. We all cramped into a large booth at the end of a diner that was a few minutes away from the school. I had past it a few times when I walked around when I first moved here.
I turned to her and smiled.
"Y/n" I smiled. She smiled and picked up a menu.
"So was this your first hockey game?" She asked as she glanced over the menu. I just watched her and then nodded.
"Yeah, I'm from Flordia. They don't have hockey there" I explained.
"If you're from Flordia, why are you so pale?" Lacey asked from across the table from me. Jake looked up and glared at her. I swallowed as she looked at me. I looked down at my pale skin.
I didn't go out much after my mom died. The sunlight was the last thing I wanted to feel on my skin, especially since my mother loved it so much.
"I guess the Boston air got to me fast" I breathed. She stared at me for a few second before humming and looking down at the menu. I looked down at my hands nervously.
"Are you hungry?" Jake leaned over to me. I looked up at him. He smiled at me. I shrugged. "Not really" I breathed. Code for, I didn't have any money so, no I'm not hungry.
"Are you anorexic or something?" Lacey's voice rang through the room. The table went silent. I looked up with wide eyes.
"Lace" Nadia snapped next to me. She shurgged as she looked at her.
"What? She's so skinny. You can't get like that unless you don't eat. I would know I struggled with it once, so it's okay If I talk about it" She shrugged. I felt my face burn red.
"I'm.....not. Just a fast metabolism I guess" I whispered as I sank in my seat. Jake burned hole into Lacey from across the table, before looking down at me.
"Ignore her, get what you want. I'll pay" He smiled down at me. I smiled up at him softly, but still felt like I wanted to sink into the darkness, but there was no where to go. I was physically trapped in this booth.
"So you're friends with that quiet kid" One of the guys sitting next to Lacey stated looking at me. I looked up and opened my mouth and closed it. I felt everyone look at me.
"I--I don't know" I shrugged. He hummed. "What Gavin?" Jake questioned at his friend. He set down his menu and looked at him.
"I just was wondering since she verbally assaulted me in the hallway for speaking to him" Gavin snapped back.
Jake looked down at me with a confused expression.
He wasn't speaking to him, he was pushing him around like a rag doll.
"I-"
"Probably because you were being an asshole, Gav. Leave the girl alone" Nadia snapped next to me. I looked down at the menu reading over the words. I hated this. I shouldn't have come. I should have just stayed with Matt. I took in a breath.
Long walks, silence, my room, being alone. My mind started auto-naming my favorite things in my head to calm me down.
"I was just wondering because she had a big mouth ealier, now she's as quiet as a mouse. Guess the kid rubbed off on her" He mumbled.
"Guys. What's your problem tonight?" Jake snapped at his friends. I sighed and avoided everyone's eye contact. I bit down on my lip. Jake looked down at me.
"I'm so sorry about them" He breathed before looking up at glaring across the table. I felt unwelcome.Like I was causing a scene. I didn’t mean to. If they weren't normally like this then I guess I was the problem. I was ruining this.
"I'm going to the bathroom. Jake, get me a soda" Lacey announced before standing up and walking away. I just watched her. Gavin and the other, Tyler mumbled something to each other.
"I'll be right back" Jake mumbled down to me before sliding out of the booth. I nodded as he darted off towards Lacey. I sighed and looked down at the table.
"Don't mind Lacey" Nadia whispered down to me. I looked up at her.
"Jake's been rejecting her since middle school. She does this to every girl he brings around, just take everything she says with a grain of salt" She whispered. I just blinked up at her and then nodded softly.
It still didn't make me feel better.
"Do you want to split the Nachos?" She smiled at me. I looked up and nodded smiling softly. She nodded and pushed away the menu.
"Good, because that means Jake will pay for mine too. Kid has more money than God. It's time he spends it on someone other than himself, me and you" She smiled bumping my shoulder.
I chuckled. "Yeah I guess" I smiled.
Lacey and Jake came back a few minutes later. The rest of the dinner, I tuned out their conversations. I didn't know what they were talking about. I didn't know the names they brought up or situations. So I just kept to myself.
Every once in a while Jake and I would talk amonst ourselves. He would smile and ask me questions. I enjoyed that part. What I didn't enjoy was Lacey glaring at me every time it happened.
-
"I'll catch up with you guys later" Jake turned away from me and waved at his friends. Nadia smiled over at me and Lacey just looked down at her shoes. Tyler and Gavin nodded. Jake turned back towards me and smiled as we walked to his car.
"Use protection!" One of the boys yelled. We both turned and looked at them. Jake gave him a rude gesture and turned back towards me shaking his head.
"They're pigs. Ignore them" He breathed looking down at me as we walked.
"Yeah wouldn't want one of them coming out looking like her" I heard Lacey mumbled behind us. I heard her stumble, as if someone pushed her.
"What?" She said quieter. I didn't turn around and just crossed my arms over myself as we walked through the parking lot. I don't think Jake heard her.
Once we got in the car I let go of a breath. Jake turned around as we backed out of the parking lot. I looked out the window as the music in his car played faintly in the background.
"So what do you think of my friends?" He smiled as he pulled out of the parking lot. I looked over at him.
"I--They're......nice" I lied.
"I like Nadia" That was true, she was the only one that was nice.
"You don't like them" He stated as he drove, glancing over at me. I shook my head.
"I didn't say that" I defended myself. He chuckled.
"It's okay, I get it. They aren't overly welcoming. You just have to warm up to them, I promise they are fine after that" He shook his head. I nodded even though I didn't totally believe him.
"I guess I just like talking to you more than I like talking to them" I breathed. He looked over at me briefly then back towards the road.
"More one-on-ones. Got it" He nodded. I looked over at him and smiled softly.
"So you called Gavin an asshole in the hallway?" He asked looking over at me. I looked over at him and opened my mouth and shook my head. "I didn't mean--"
"I don't care, I think it's funny" He smiled over at me. I sighed. "Yeah, more or less" I admitted. He nodded.
"I like you, you're...different" He nodded looking off towards the road. I gave a soft smile. I didn't know if different was a good thing.
"So can you still help me with biology?" He asked. I looked down at his clock.
11:34pm. It was still a school night.
"Tonight?" I asked softly. He shrugged. "My parent's don't mind" He shook his head. I crossed my arms over myself. This was a lot for one night, I didn't know If I had the mental capacity for anything else.
"It's late" I stated. He glanced over to me. I looked down. He pursed his lips and looked forward. "Okay, another time. I'll take you home" He stated. I looked over at him and smiled.
"Thank you, for tonight I mean" I breathed. He nodded. "I am sorry, for my friends" He sighed. I shook my head. "It's fine really" I mumbled.
A few minutes later he pulled into the neighborhood off Charlotte. I unbuckled my seatbelt and opened the door.
"Wait" He breathed. I turned back to him. He looked at me for a second. "This one on one--" He breathed.
"It's a date?" He asked. My eyes widened and I opened my mouth and closed it, not expecting those words to fall from his mouth.
"Not a date" He stated from my reaction. I looked around. "I don't-" I shook my head. "It doesn't have to be" He shook his head. I sighed and looked down before leaning back in the seat.
"I've never been on a date before" I admitted before looking over at him. He blinked at me and for a split second, he looked like Matt. I turned from him.
"Why?" He asked. I looked over at him. "Not-Not in a rude way. It's just you're pretty" He stated looking at me. I raised my eyebrows and felt heat creep up my neck.
"You don't like compliments" He stated.
"I like compliments"
"You don't know how to take them"
"Because I don't think they are true"
He just looked at me. I shook my head. "Sorry I just--" I shook my head realzing that probably sounded rude. I took in a breath. "I'm sorry" I whispered. He sighed and shook his head.
"It's not a date. One on one" He smiled over at me. I nodded and looked up at him. "Okay" I breathed. He nodded as I pushed the door open and shut it.
I waiting until I couldn't see his car anymore until I moved behind the trees into the back of my actual neighborhood. I sighed feeling the weight of mainly Lacey's words against me.
She's so skinny. You can't get like that unless you don't eat.
It wasn't my choice. Nothing about my life did I really have a choice in. I was just trapped. Trapped with everything. So little room to move, I felt suffocated. I swallowed as I walked up the steps of my house.
meow
I turned and saw a small white cat that made perch on my front door. My eyes widened before I turned around, looking for it's owner. I saw no one. I crouched down on my feet and looked down at the small animal.
"What's your name little guy?" I breathed as my hand came over it's white fur. It purred under my touched. My hand came under it's chin. No collar. Must be a stray. I sighed as I stood up and reached for my door.
The cat perched up from it's sitting postion as it attempted to go in the house. I held my foot out so it couldn't go in.
"You can't come in" I said shaking my head at the cat. It just looked up at me as If it didn't understand. It meowed again.
I sighed as I looked in the house.
"Give me a few minutes, I'll try and get you some water and I'll see if we have any food" I said down at the creature. I moved into the house so and shut the door before the cat could come all the way in.
I heard the faint sound of the TV playing in the living room. I walked around and saw my dad passed out on the couch. I looked towards the counter seeing a brown paper bag, a whiskey bottle sticking out of the top.
I wish I was brave enough to talk to my dad about why he's been drinking so much, but i'm not. Brave. I just ignored it. He took the loss of my mother hard. So did I. I didn't turn to drinking. I walked around to the couch and kicked his foot slightly.
"Dad" I whispered. He didn't move. His mouth slightly hung open. I tilted my head. Well, he's breathing. I kicked his foot again. "Dad" I breathed. He grumbled and turned over, hugging a pillow.
"Dad, do we have any food?" I asked. His mouth fell back open and fell back into his sleep. I sighed and leaned back before picking up the remote and turning off the TV.
I walked back into the kitchen before grabbing a bowl and filling it with tap water. I opened the fridge. Mustard, pickles, and a half-eaten sandwhich. I leaned back, looking to my dad on the couch, before grabbing the sandwhich.
I walked back towards the door with the sandwhich and the bowl of water before opening the door. The cat was wating, still standing there. I turned and closed the door before sitting down on the steps and setting down the bowl of water.
The cat walked over to it, inspecting it before starting to drink it. I sighed as I unwrapped the sandwhich before breaking off a piece of the bread and putting it in front of the cat. It ditched the water quickly before starting to eat the bread.
"Are you even suppose to eat bread?" I asked looking down at the cat. He contiuned to chew on it. I sighed and set down the sandwhich, looking off towards the empty street in front of me.
I wondered what Matt was doing right now. If he was mad that I left him. I felt my stomach twist with guilt. The cat meowed before rubbing against my leg. I smiled and ran my hand over it's back. It perched its head on my leg as I thought about the quiet boy.
-
I slumped in the seat next to Matt in the back of the classroom. If I'm honest, I couldn't fall asleep last night. I felt guilty for leaving Matt even if told me to go. I couldn't stop seeing his face after I walked away. I wanted to apologize, but I didn't know how.
I looked over at him and he stared down at his desk. I sighed and looked down. He blinked up at me for a second before writing something down on his notebook and pushing it to the end of the desk for me to see.
I looked down.
How was hanging out with Jake?
Was written across the corner of his notebook. I looked up at him and he smiled softly. I sighed and looked down at the notebook again before reaching into my bag, picking up a pencil, and writting some words under his own.
It was okay.
He looked down at the words I had written for a second and then picked up his pencil and circled the word 'okay' and wrote a small question mark next to it. As if to say: Why okay?
I sighed and scribbled some more words.
I don't like his friends
His eyes crossed over the words and he didn't look up at me as he tapped his pencil on the desk. He reached over and wrote a few words down before putting his pencil away indicating he was done talking. I blinked down at the words.
I don't either
I looked up at him but he just turned and looked out the window. I bit my lip and slouched in my seat feeling the guilt coming over me again. I had hung out with people that were making fun of him.
I reached over and wrote a few more words. He looked down at them.
I'm sorry I left you, It was wrong of me
He just stared at the words and didn't pick up his pencil to write back. Instead he flipped the page and began scribbling to himself. I sighed as I saw the teacher walk into the room.
A/N: OMG I have gotten so much love on this series so far and I just want to thank everyone for it. I have always wanted to write and so many people on here have inspired me to pursue it. Some have inspired me to start writing and some have shown me so much love. Thank all of you so much. - Love Evangeline <3
Summary: You come back from summer break nervous to start your senior year because of running into the boy who has bullied you since freshman year. Chris Sturniolo. But this year you’ve changed. You worked on yourself and you’re now more beautiful than ever. But will that change anything? How will he react?
Warnings: mentions of kissing
Chris’s pov
I sit in the library as I read the book. I’ve read a couple chapters and it’s good so far nothing too exciting. Im only on chapter 7 when I hear the library door open.
It’s y/n.
Thank god.
I watch her walk in, she says hi to the librarian and then heads to her usual table. I decide not to bother her.
But maybe I could watch her at a distance. I slowly and quietly stand up from my seat and walk towards her table. But I stop only a few bookshelves away from her when I see her studying.
I can see her through the cracks in the bookshelves. She’s nodding her head to the music she’s listening to. She’s so beautiful.
I could stare at her forever. The way her eyes dart back and forth from her worksheet to her textbook. The way she slightly bites on the inside of her bottom lip as she concentrates.
The way she taps her non-dominant hand against the table to the music. How even with no makeup on she still looks breath-taking.
As I stand here peering at her through the bookshelves I realize I might look like a creep. But I don’t care. If me looking like a creep also means that I get to see y/n for one more second then so be it.
I’ve never wanted a person more in my life. I usually go after someone for looks just so I can get off and then leave. Then chasing another girl and repeating the same thing.
But I don’t feel that way with y/n. I like her for the way she carries herself. I like her for the way she notices the little things. I like her for her. Her body is just a bonus to everything else that she has to offer.
If I’m saying that I haven’t noticed her in the past three years I would be lying. I would always notice her because I always felt bad for the way I would treat her.
But now I’ve realized I was also watching her because I liked her. And those two conflicting feelings are what shielded the truth from me for so long. But now I realize.
I like her.
Y/n’s pov
As I’m working on my very last problem on my worksheet and nodding my head to the song playing in my headphones I hear the bell ring.
Time for first period. Was I nervous? Absolutely. Was I also excited? Absolutely. Was I going to go to class? Unfortunately yes.
I can’t skip anymore classes because soon they will call my mom if they notice. So I decide to play it safe and go. I need to turn in some assignments anyways.
I finish the problem I was working on before packing up everything into my backpack. I stand up, push my chair in, put my backpack on, and then I head towards my first class of the day.
I walk into class and am shocked by what I see. Chris is here before me? He’s sitting in his seat, on his phone, not being loud or obnoxious. I’m kind of scared.
I cautiously sit in my seat next to him. He doesn’t look up from his phone and say a snide comment or anything. Now I’m really scared.
After about 10 minutes the teacher starts talking. The teacher starts talking about an upcoming test. I’m very nervous about this test. Although I am pretty confident in my abilities to pass it, I’m still nervous nonetheless because it’s a major grade.
As the teacher continues talking I hear Chris clear his throat. I decide to ignore it and continue listening to the teacher. But it happens again. So I look over and he’s already looking at me.
I furrow my eyebrows before he looks down at his feet. I look at his feet as well. And that’s when I notice a note under his shoe. Now I’m even more confused.
He slides his foot into the isle and kicks it the rest of the way so the note is now by my feet. I furrow my eyebrows and look at him still confused. He just looks at the note again and mouths the words “read it”.
I sigh before I pick up the note and unfold it. It reads “look I really need help on this test and I know you’re smart. I get it if you don’t want to, but can you please tutor me in the mornings before school starts. It would help me out a lot.”
I look at him again before he raises his eyebrows awaiting an answer. I just sigh and look down at the note again, before I look back at him beside me and nod my head in defeat.
I don’t know why I’m agreeing with this but something told me to just go for it, that it wouldn’t hurt.
~
Now here I sit at my usual table in the library the next morning waiting for Chris to arrive soon. Although I am early nearly 20 minutes early, so I’ll probably have to wait a while.
I decide to get out all of the necessary supplies for studying. Like my textbook, notebook, notes, and pencils. I lay it all out in front of me on the table, awaiting Chris’s arrival. After 5 minutes of waiting I get bored and decide to go on my phone.
I’m scrolling on Instagram reels for another five minutes before Chris finally shows up. He comes nearly stumbling as he apologizes for being late (he’s 10 minutes early).
He sits down and I immediately start explaining what the test is about. Moby dick.
“Moby Dick is a metaphor for a problem that haunts a person, or a goal that is difficult or even impossible to attain. So what this means is…”
Chris’s pov
As I sit here hearing as y/n rambles on and on about a test I’m already prepared for I’m caught in a trance. The way she’s leaning in slightly closer to me so that she doesn’t have to speak too loud. The way her eyes dance across the textbook as she explains what the message of the book is.
I’m very prepared for this test. I’ve already learned everything I need to know off of Google. I studied online for hours until I felt that I was fully prepared because I’m not reading a 700 page book. But regardless I’m still prepared and don’t need tutoring.
But having her sit next to me and talk to me with a gentleness in her voice as she tries to focus is the cutest thing. I just asked her to tutor me because I wanted to have an excuse for her to talk to me. And it was working.
After nearly twenty minutes of her tutoring me she turns to me and asks me a question.
“So how did the book end?” She looks at me expecting me not to answer correctly by the look on her face. But to her surprise I answer diligently.
“The battle culminates in the destruction of the ship and the death of everyone aboard, except Ishmael the narrator”. I say confidently. She looks at me with her eyebrows raised in shock before clearing her throat and looking back down at her textbook.
“Okay well I think that’s all for today, and tomorrow we can work more on the questions” she says as she looks up at me. I look down at her locking my eyes with hers.
“Yeah that’s fine with me” I say maintaining eye contact with her. Suddenly I feel my eyes flick to her lips. She has a shiny lipgloss on that reflects in the lights above us making them look like heaven.
I can only imagine how good her lips would feel on mine. What flavor is her lipgloss? Cherry? Watermelon? Kiwi? Strawberry? I wish I could find out. The things I would do just to get a taste of her lips on mine is criminal.
I look back up at her eyes finally and she wears a confused expression. Her eyebrows are knitted together, her lips in a slight pout, and her nose is slightly scrunched.
I continue to keep my face calm and lustful as I stare into her eyes, as she still looks like the most beautiful girl in the world only a foot in front of me.
Her face slowly relaxes before her eyes flick down to my lips. Her stare holds curiosity and adornment as she almost looks dumbfounded by them. Her lips are slightly parted and her face is now relaxed.
I could stare at her forever doing anything and I would still be ultimately and irrevocably fascinated by her. She stares at my lips before they form into a slight smile, from her actions I truly couldn’t help it.
She slowly looks back up into my eyes before she tears her eyes away immediately. She clears her throat and says “okay….well,um….ill see you tomorrow morning”. She then suddenly stands up and walks out of the library.
The bell doesn’t even ring for another 5 minutes where is she even going?
Y/n’s pov
I nearly run out of the library. I don’t know where I’m going, but I had to get out of there. I go into the nearest bathroom and lock myself in one of the stalls.
I almost kissed Chris. But see, that’s the thing, I wanted to kiss him. I wanted to know how his lips tasted, I wanted to know how his lips felt on mine, I almost felt like I needed them.
They were plump and pink. Oh and the way the lights shined on them made them look like the best thing in the world.
I had to leave before I did something I regret. And I think kissing my enemy in the school library after our tutoring session is definitely something I would regret.
But why did his lips look so kissable, and the way he was looking down at me, I could’ve melted. And the way his lips curved into a small smile while I stared at them, it’s like he wanted me to kiss him.
But this is wrong.
I’m tutoring him for a test, because he doesn’t know what the hell is going on in class. And he used to BULLY me. Everyday for three years.
He belittled me and disrespected me. He was a horrible person to me. He didn’t even treat me like a person.
So why are my feelings saying otherwise?
A/N: Yall are not ready for this story 🤭. I have so much planned yall are gonna kill me 😃. Anyways I hope everyone’s having a great day and I love you all SO much. -Love Evangeline <3
