Carpe Diem

I'm not sure how to feel about it...

I want so badly to reach out, just to make these dreams go away. To destroy all of this uncertainty that is causing them. I hate waking up thinking about you. I hate thinking about you at all. But I can't let you back in. I can't talk to you. I dream about your family. I dream about your mother, your father, your sisters. I miss them so much. I was so happy to see them last night. But then you showed up. The moment I saw you I couldn't breathe. I remember I apologized profusely to your mother as I excused myself. I was devastated. And then I woke up. I woke up missing them so badly. I woke up feeling like I had lost my own loved ones. How do I make this stop without talking to you? My heart continues to break over and over again. I need help.

"I mean as much as I'm capable of loving anyone. Which is never enough. I'm sorry."