BIG OXY

• The Path to Paradise begins in Hell •

in a sense, i’m a semi-nihilist, n somewhat of a responsible hedonist

suffering from high intellect will give you moments of clearity when you least expect it. the problem is that i dismiss my problems n root the dismissal on my nihilistic mindset

in my mind, a hedonist should always strive to do whateva pleases em. that’s true hedonism; that bein said, when i say i’m a “responsible hedonist”, i’m sayin i do whateva pleases me but i’m cautious enough to not damage the lives of those around me

this fusion of traits causes me to feel like i’m foreva playin chess w/ people on a transcending level. i always have an aim, an angle, even when i claim i dont

my constant, uncontrollable desire to omit the truth n move in the dark contrasts my regular energy/behavior. i’m perceived as a funny, hood dude w/ moments of intellectuality that go unnoticed

in reality i foreva wanna be in my vices. i crave revenge, i wanna see people who hurt me suffer twice as bad. i’ve developed fetishes revolving around bein intimate w/ things that aren’t mine. to me the ultimate feelin is fuckin some niggas shorty n tell not a soul bout it

even when it comes to more intimate relationships i get into. i say things like “i didn’t do all this to please you. i did this cuz it makes you feel good, which in turn, makes me feel good. i really did this for myself”

every relationship i have w/ people in general has to be symbiotic or parasitical to my benefit. i have no real feelins towards anythin that doesn’t allow me to gain

this means that everyone to me lies on a spectrum that isn’t bias towards status to me. meanin friend, enemy, family all lie on the same plane. that bein said i’m disconnected w/ family entirely n i can count all my friends on 1 hand w/ fingers missin. all cuz i gain nothin

it’s lonely at the top, but it’s jus as lonely at the bottom

my biggest flaw is the same flaw that most high intellect, low motor people have. that flaw bein that we LIE to ourselves constantly. there’s times where we can see the end before it starts. we see a different version of the same person we know

people will say things like “damn son, you figure people out quick” when in reality i’ve met this typa person so many times ova the course of my short life. it take the light out of everyone you wanna be close to

the end will foreva justify the means. idc if i have to step ova the corpses of my closest family n friends to get to where i need to, but i will