The Diary of the Unknown Heroine

Observation: 

This night’s devotion is timely to what is happening in this world. The Word of the Lord rebuked me that I was apolitical. Hebrews 13 started with teaching about loving our neighbors In the midst of the war, Jesus is the peace we all need. I could have never anticipated the Lord’s coming, He is the only helper that we need. 

Application: 

I have offered a prayer for world peace and asked for the Lord’s help to touch the hearts of our political leaders. I've prayed that may the Holy Spirit remind them that the Lord is still sovereign. 

Prayer: 

Scripture: Hebrews 12:1-7, 11-17, 28-29

Observation:

This Scripture has brought comfort to me and assured me that I only belong to the Lord. The Lord is my Father who disciplines me in every trial and hardship because He wants me to be stronger. I am reminded by His Word that I should not take it lightly instead of rebelling, I will be grateful that the Lord is making me go through a process that would make me fit in the days to the come and even in the afterlife.

Application:

I will ask the Holy Spirit to fortify me in all challenges and just think everything that happens is for His glory.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank You for accepting me into Your Kingdom and adopting me as one of Your children. As Your child, I accept your discipleship.

My dream is to become a lawyer and I know there are law students who are working in a different field, but for me, I cannot build a career in the industry where I am working right now.

I have never seen self-entitled people in this industry it is unfathomable how the management has been enabling this kind of hostility that destroys the mental health of its employees.

I used to talk with clients in a lively manner to appear that I was excited to help them out, however, being underpaid will never ignite passion.

It was such a misconception that everything would be worth the penny that I am being compensated, but now, I am being paid dust.

I do not seek recognition and appreciation but adequate compensation.

I was terrified to step out, but now, I am happy to have finally had the courage to apply for an entry-level position in a law firm that would ignite my fire to keep on going in law school.

My co-trainers are about to transfer to another BPO company with a competitive salary and great benefits, though I've appreciated their invitation, I have had to decline.

I am no longer happy with my job and it has been keeping me away from my goal.

--

The first week of classes

My first classes have been something to look forward to, I am excited to finish the semester with high grades.

I pray for God's guidance and to bear the fruits of the Holy Spirit as I owe everything to Him.

However, I have been staying in my sister's place whenever it is my rest day at work. It has become my habit since we made up.

--

Bounce back from regaining the weight I lost.

Regaining the weight I lost before is entirely my fault.

I should have known better than being confident that my body has adapted to having a fast metabolism.

I need to start from scratch and control my binge eating.

I was also disorganized before that I did not take my workout routines seriously.

My workout consists of strength training, as I need it to build muscles and lose my fat faster.

Society has made fat people worthy of insults, it has made me upset how gaining a few inches has become shameful to other people.

After all, it boils down to my well-being.

I am more concerned about my health, I do admit that fat-shaming has affected mental health.

One of the few things, I am going to do is to be consistent once again in my routine.

-

Another leap of faith that I am about to take is to start my business.

I have always been involved in the retail business, but this is the first time that I will start with capital.

I knew God would not grant that; I had to accept that He has planned something for me far beautiful than what I've hoped for. This is just the start but I am already excited about the growth.

I am finally employed in a company that has a promising offer; I had prayed this for such a long time, although it is not what I wanted but I know it is one step closer to financial independence and my dream of becoming a lawyer.

I am hired as a Service Voice Desk Support in an ITO company and I know God really prepared me for this even at my convenience because I am currently working from home. The company has extended me their reconsideration in terms of my documents; it was hard going to the government offices in this new normal. I sacrificed my time and effort just so they could approve my application; I had to follow the safety protocols when going out, the transportation fees that I had to spend, you could imagine the frustration I had whenever the people who were supposed to be working on my requested document did not even report to the office as the agencies are still working on a skeletal workforce.

I can no longer endure months of being jobless and suffering in the household my dad is trying to build: a toxic environment that is not conducive to growth. Even my therapist was convinced of the burden this household has been doing for me, I am only distracted with social media and my pets.

The moment I entered law school, I have been affirmative of my dream of working in the noble profession and had the confidence that my family will support me.

The pandemic has proven otherwise; I have never felt lonely like this before, yet this is the loneliness that I am prepared for.

In my solitude, I found how my mind is cluttered that I had a lot of ideas that I am too afraid to unleash. I have the heart to serve but I have no means to act on it. I have the determination to succeed, but I do not have the opportunity to show it.

All these roadblocks are reconstructing my life and I hope I will not get lost or lose hope.

There is only One person who is eternally constant - Jesus Christ.

 This pandemic, I have been taking charge of my life as I fight off my lackadaisical habits and I stopped making excuses.

 It was the last day of May and the start of the week and I wanted something to do by gradually ticking off some of my to-do list. I started with the completion of my requirements on the onboarding site in my work.

 It has been taking me so long to accomplish it, simply because I was just lazy and I did not feel like doing it and it dawned on me that I no longer want to be unemployed for an extended period and project my frustration in a lot of things.

 I still wanted to learn something while I was completing my task, so I listened to an audio lecture on Persons and Family Relations. It was refreshing to study while doing some chores and I have to get used to this habit since I will be working and studying at the same time and it is all by God's grace.

 I also reduced the clutter in my room by folding my clothes from the laundry as it was an eyesore and it distracts me from doing simple tasks. Being lazy is being stuck in a vortex. I was sucked in but the more I make excuses the more tasks are being piled up and as someone who has ambitions; it is an irony.

 I came not from an affluent family to feel sorry for myself and not to do anything, I'm tired of making myself comfortable when I need to get out of this zone and learn more as I embark on a new journey. I know it will not be easy, but things will get better.

 The Lord Jesus has told me, according to Acts 1:7 that it is not for us to know the times or dates the Father has set by His own authority, and it comforted me amid waiting when will I ever bloom and if so, why it has taken me such a long time but then, I just need to trust the Father for the plans He has for me as of now I am blessed to learn this even in the hard way for it has made me drawn closer to the Lord.

  I am not doing anything, yet I am restless. I tire myself each day and each night, wondering what should I do because I have been trying to make the most out of it, but I fail incessantly. I am breathing to survive, but my questions I have in my mind have been making me breathless.

 I do not want to lose my purpose in life, whatever it takes, I will soar high.

I just want to rest and grow. Hopefully, when I come back, I will fly like an eagle, with prominent wings that never tire out and talons that are sharp as a dagger to spear through the challenges.

 I will never know when that will be, I am still hoping, as this is the only thing that keeps my thoughts at bay. I had no other choice but to breathe, only to survive.

I am not perfect, but I am a person who can love more than what I can give; I am saying this because I am not only entitled to receive compensation for what I give, but I am still the one who picks up the broken pieces of my shattered heart. 

We need to be responsible for our actions, but when a person left a huge dent to another, it leaves no one to clean up to the mess other people did, no one but themselves.

This pandemic has been helping me heal, not only from my break-up but also with my wounds and in improving my well-being. I lost twenty kilograms, found interesting hobbies, binged on TV series, reinvented my love for reading and writing, and most of all, I reconnected with the Lord. I might not do these things while being with the wrong person and be stagnant as my ex-boyfriend used to believe, but I am more than that because I am a seed that once buried in the ground it will grow stronger.

The year was 2010, one year before I step up in college I have been dreaming to become a lawyer, I wanted to take up Law but the curriculum requires a college degree and so I chose Political Science as my undergraduate study. I have no interest in politics; I wish I have chosen Journalism or Mass Communication for I wanted to be an influential writer, my family chose PolSci for me, it has stemmed from the norm that PolSci graduates immediately take up Law right after graduation and I did. As I finish my studies, I had complications, not because of the course itself but it is so hard to to prove to my family that I can make my own decisions and I only need them for moral and financial support. Is that too much to ask? Here I am striving to pass law school, formulating what works for me, but I have to seek permission to my dad to study at any co-working spaces; when I need financial support, they manipulated me to lie to a relative I’m still in a state university to ask my daily allowance to my relative. I would rather find the means to compromise my study habits and look for an earning opportunity to augment my needs than to spend my remaining years in law school lying. I know God will not bless my studies if I have to deceive someone, nobody deserves that and no one should feel coerced to ask for support.

My batch mates are now full-fledge lawyers, they finished law school on time, they passed the Bar exams on their first try; the old Cherry would resent that she deserves to sign on the Roll Of Attorneys with them, the old Cherry deserves to help others in legal matters, that she deserves the same honor as her batch mates - but that was the Old Cherry, the narcissist, immature Cherry and what did the new Cherry has done as she witnesses her colleagues reap the fruits of their labor? The New Cherry greeted them with warm congratulatory remarks because she knows they worked hard for it, they deserved it, and that is their momentum in the legal profession, and she is genuinely happy for them. 

It was selfish and immature to think about my setback in law school while they were out there celebrating. This is my life, whatever I am experiencing right now is the consequences of my dependability on my family, I know the time will come that I will finally reap what I have sown, this is my growing season and as I walk with the Lord, I have realized that this slump in my academic career is the best thing that has ever happened to me because I have never been this intimate to Jesus Christ. 

Let me share with you what Jesus has revealed to me as I go along this journey, in John 9 He gave sight to a blind man, it has been assumed that the man was a sinner but Jesus said   ‘Neither this man nor his parents sinned,’ said Jesus, ‘but this happened so that the works of God might be displayed in him.’ 

I miss you so much. I know begging you to come back would be the dumbest thing, not only it would be moot but it would only rub salt on my wounds.😭

I miss you so much, walking away from you feels like I'm walking on shards of glasses because it's so painful. 😭

God knows how much I prayed this to Him, to take this pain away, but if this moving on is the only way to fortify me then so be it.

1. My family has been verbally and physically abusive to me despite my pleas to control their anger because they used to insult me right before I go to school. 

2. My sister never fulfilled her promise to fund my tuition fees and even had the strength to tell me to just kill myself. 

3. Every time I commit mistakes in the house, they would threaten that they would not send me in law school, which should not be an enormous deal anymore since they stopped giving moral and monetary support; then I took that power and did not even attempt to go to school. 

Rhema: 

Isaiah 51: 1-8, 15-16

God has spoken to the people who pursue righteousness and those who seek Him, He will comfort Zion and will look with compassion on all her ruins and His justice will become a light to the nations for His righteousness will last forever and salvation through all generations. 

Isaiah 52: 12

Isaiah 53: 1-8

The Scripture has prophesied the sufferings of Jesus Christ as a manifestation of the salvation we all need to enter the Kingdom of the Lord. Jesus who is as pure as snow but He has paid the price of us sinners. 

Isaiah 54: 17

Isaiah 55: 3, 6-9, 11, 13

Isaiah 41-45

Rhema: 

Isaiah 41: 4, 10, 13, 14, 17, 18

The Lord has spoken to His people and gave Him assurance that there is nothing to be afraid of and He will fight for us. He will be our strength and our help, He will hold us with his righteous hand, He will quench the thirst the poor with overflowing river; that is how our dear Father loves us, He protects and supplies our needs more than what we can imagine, truly no other gods or idols can ever do that. 

Isaiah 42: 1, 3, 4, 6-9, 12, 13, 16, 17, 20, 21

The Lord has given us a way to the coming of our Savior Jesus Christ, and He will bring forth justice. The Lord asserted His authority, that He is the Lord and He will not yield His power to the useless gods. He will triumph over the enemies who orchestrated a fight against Him. The Scripture has warned me of being inattentive of the things that are warning, so I must pay attention to His Word for it pleases it makes Him the Law great. 

Isaiah 43: 1-5, 10-13, 15-16, 18-19, 25

The Lord has done splendid things to His people, for He loves us; He is the Holy One, the Savior and our King. I have committed mistakes in the past but He assured me I must forget the former things for the Lord is doing greater things which springs up to my life, all I need to do is to appreciate and be grateful for He has done in my life. He is gracious for He had forgotten my sins. 

Isaiah 44: 2, 6, 8, 21-26

Only God can save us from destruction and seeking His presence is the beginning of wisdom, but those who worship idols are fools for they depend on man-made statues when we have a God who has infinite power and glory and can wipe away our sins and transgressions. 

Isaiah 45: 3, 5-8, 17-19, 22-23, 25