you broke me first

@cherrycursed

bystanders  guilt  wasn't  something  she  was  trying  to  think  about  .  her  rage  ,  hurt  …  it  had  all  swallowed  her  a  long  time  ago  .  she  wanted  to  avoid  looking  things  in  the  eye  in  her  own  way  while  still  carrying  the  pride  of  being  one  of  the  only  people  who  was  willing  to  face  it  head  on  .  her  mood  seems  to  change  as  she  abruptly  swings  around  ,  their  proximity  close  ,  "  it  would  be  a  shame  to  waste  a  perfectly  good  carnival  dragging  up  the  past  …  wouldn't  it  ?  "  head  tilts  to  the  side  as  she  presses  her  index  finger  in  a  light  tap  to  his  lips  .  

it  might  have  been  a  safe  bet  that  no  home  movies  were  going  to  be  streamed  at  the  carnival  ,  it  wasn't  really  practical  .  helena  might  have  been  wondering  why  someone  would  do  this  for  revenge  but  cherry  could  only  assume  it  might  have  less  to  do  with  the  type  of  revenge  that  most  of  them  thought  and  more  to  do  with  the  person  behind  it  .  "  i  don't  know  …  there's  some  people  around  here  that  would  love  new  material  to  gloat  about  …  like  a  new  book  …  or  a  screenplay  …  or  a  tell  all  published  article  …  "  she  wasn't  naming  any  names  but  planting  the  seed  there  wouldn't  hurt  .  cherry  was  naturally  suspicious  of  everyone's  intentions  but  she  had  really  began  to  believe  that  this  was  all  an  elaborate  plot  .  someone  knew  something  .  

Art Donaldson + worst friend in the world

"you think someone is fucking with us all?" he asked her, curious for her thoughts. it's definitely what nick thought.

he  seemed  to  come  out  of  nowhere  but  that  wasn't  difficult  when  you  were  probably  hungover  or  even  still  drunk  .  she  whips  off  her  sunglasses  ,  half  returning  the  hug  although  it  ends  too  quickly  for  a  true  reaction  by  the  time  she's  turning  .   they  fall  into  step  with  each  other  ,  the  question  causing  her  to  shoot  him  a  look  .  "  obviously  and  to  be  honest  ,  they're  doing  a  pretty  good  job  .  i  mean  ,  not  sure  what  the  purpose  is  but  ...  they're  really  stirring  shit  up  ...  "  although  cherry  would  be  the  first  to  say  she  didn't  care  .   "  they  could  have  spared  the  pore  mail  kid  though  ,  think  he's  more  traumatised  than  any  of  us  after  delivering  that  indoctrinated  news  letter  ,  "  pretty  funny  though  .  making  kids  cry  wasn't  on  the  top  of  her  agenda  but  it  had  been  the  most  entertaining  part  of  the  disturbing  information  that  the  police  seemed  to  be  keeping  under  wraps  .

the fossilized feelings of vivian’s sadness resurfaced from underneath the soil of her inadequacy the moment she saw cherry after many years . coming back to lincoln city meant more than just existing within the boundaries of a home long lost . . . it meant having to unpack the feelings and memories that were forced into the most private of crevices inside of her heart . to vivian , cherry was a memory of a time she truly felt resentment . she was a living reminder that friendships are not always as sempiternal as the storybooks make them out to be . the only thing she had left of cherry was a plague of thoughts that made her wonder what she could have done differently to salvage a bond that was seemingly destined to flatline . “ guess its nice to know some things never change around here . ” she says as a passing thought , near amused , despite the sarcasm that clearly coated the other’s tongue . vivian couldn’t fault her , though . not when there was so much to feel sardonic about . if vivian was born with half the gall cherry had , she would have openly reflected the same attitude towards the game . . . she would have rebelled , she would have kicked and screamed and defied all of the rules no matter the cost . . . but alas , cherry was cherry , and vivian was herself , so full of shame and fear . she parts her mouth open to produce an answer only for her to close it shut seconds later . vivian recognized she wasn't the only one at fault , she was no fool , but she had her own grievances to air out because despite everything , she still wanted to apologize for not being as understanding as she should have been . she wanted to apologize for not sympathizing enough , she wanted to ask for closure . . . she wants to fix things . she wanted to . . . wants to . . . but the letters in her mouth twist and turn , they fail in taking shape . “ i’ll catch up with her later . ” vivian provides easily , even though the crassness of her words dig deeply into an already sore wound . “ we’re here for the same reason , aren't we ? ” she says quietly , digging her trembling hands into the pockets of her jacket to hide away the proof of her affliction . " gotta start somewhere , right ? . . . nothing says memory lane as best as the shit show we're about to walk into tonight . " it takes all of her courage to begin walking , brown eyes focusing on the place of her imminent terror , a private hell for the graduating class of 2014 . she only gets a few steps ahead before pausing , her head craning to the side just enough to catch a glimpse of cherry in all of her bitter glory . " and just so we're clear . . . i'd rather make new memories with you than just relive the old ones . " an invitation , an olive branch . " up to you . "

cherry  was  stubborn  .  she  wouldn't  be  the  first  one  to  fold  .  she  told  herself  that  she  didn't  need  anybody  and  more  than  that  ,  a  part  of  her  that  was  ugly  and  twisted  inside  thought  that  they  were  better  off  without  her  .  everyone  had  left  her  in  the  end  ,  one  way  or  another  they  had  abandoned  her  ,  thinking  of  nothing  of  what  might  happen  to  her  in  lincoln  city  .  she  never  seemed  to  come  around  to  the  idea  that  she  was  the  main  driver  in  her  own  life  and  could  have  left  any  time  like  they  did  …  she  sunk  into  the  small  world  ,  not  trying  to  better  herself  …  saying  this  was  how  it  was  meant  to  be  .  she's  too  busy  thinking  about  all  of  that  to  really  hear  any  valid  points  that  others  had  ,  a  small  puff  of  hot  air  coming  from  her  lips  that  seemed  to  be  part  mixed  with  an  unfallen  laugh  when  she  admits  only  ,  "  that's  one  way  of  looking  at  it  …  "  it  would  be  a  disaster  ,  it  would  be  horrendous  and  cherry  was  prepared  to  blaze  through  it  like  an  overnight  cargo  bearing  freight  train  with  zero  stops  ,  plunging  off  the  edge  of  a  cliff  if  she  had  to  .  all  those  years  ago  she  had  hesitated  at  times  playing  the  game  ,  tested  the  limits  and  boundaries  ,  thought  it  funny  to  write  something  stupid  down  but  known  when  things  went  too  far  …  now  she  had  nothing  to  lose  ,  so  why  not  play  ?  who  did  she  care  about  hurting  ?  (  there  were  many  but  she  would  never  admit  it  ,  not  right  then  )  .  "  the  past  is  never  just  the  past  ,  look  at  today  ,  "  but  there's  the  soft  ghost  of  a  smile  on  her  lips  ,  an  unreadable  expression  ,  a  seemingly  momentary  softening  or  resignation  considering  the  current  circumstance  .  "  come  on  then  ,  "  unclear  if  she's  really  given  in  at  all  or  she's  just  being  complacent  ,  the  sometimes  seering  emptiness  that  can  fill  you  when  nobody  is  looking  too  closely  as  she  begins  walking  towards  the  entrance  ,  adorned  in  bright  colours  and  balloons  .  a  strange  topsy  turvy  balance  to  their  current  lives  ,  "  you  know  if  you  left  …  i  doubt  anything  would  happen  .  if  you're  scared  ,  you  should  go  ,  "  the  only  sign  she  might  care  as  she  pauses  before  the  boundary  ,  as  if  their  entrance  would  mean  there  was  truly  no  turning  back  for  another  night  of  madness  …  hopefully  with  no  casualties  .  

she finds the whole thing pretty coincidental that a few of them stayed back and had everything going just fine (as fine as it can be) in their lives but when people that came back to town, suddenly they weren't getting a vibes. as if it's 2010 again and they got pulled into pretty little liars. just because there's a spin off, it doesn't mean that they have to be in that crazy universe too. still, something tells her that this night isn't going to end well. but dion just brushed it off when she eyes a vender who's selling alcoholic drink which is something she desperately needs right now. "what's a vip invite without having a drink? first's on me?"

if  there  was  one  way  into  cherry's  heart  ,  it  was  drowning  everything  else  out  .  her  fingertips  slide  her  cell  phone  back  away  as  she  responds  to  dion's  offer  ,  a  pointed  finger  ,  "  now  ,  that's  an  offer  that  nobody  in  their  right  or  wrong  mind  could  refuse  ,  "  cherry  could  hardly  tell  which  one  she  was  right  now  .  she  felt  saner  than  some  who  were  spouting  bizarre  conspiracy  theories  but  surely  not  that  sane  if  she  hadn't  packed  a  bag  and  got  the  fuck  out  of  town  .  she's  following  dion's  gaze  as  they  approach  the  stall  ,  "  now  ,  do  you  think  they'll  hold  it  against  us  if  we  don't  remember  a  thing  ?  "  if  this  was  going  to  go  as  badly  as  she  expected  ,  at  least  she  wouldn't  remember  it  in  future  police  interrogations  .  

"  everything  around  here  is  rigged  .  "  at  least  these  days  ,  beforehand  it  had  been  pretty  boring  …  just  the  normal  every  day  life  that  cherry  had  grown  accustomed  to  ,  her  own  bad  behaviour  the  only  thing  she  paid  attention  to  .  she  isn't  adverse  to  heather  ,  the  two  of  them  similar  in  some  ways  even  if  she  held  some  resentments  over  the  relationship  with  vivian  (  one  she  no  longer  had  )  .  she  almost  skims  over  the  question  about  how  she  is  doing  ,  nothing  changing  in  that  department  in  years  .  "  who  knew  that  they  just  needed  a  bit  of  gossip  about  wilder  to  crowd  out  the  event  -  a  tourism  trick  ,  "  muses  ,  funny  how  things  worked  out  .  

after the interview with the police , vivian couldn't tell right from wrong . the carnival was supposed to bring joy , and it did to some , but to vivian . . . it felt like a flimsy band aid slapped over a gushing wound . it covered the gaudiness , but it did nothing to ease the pain . was going to the carnival the right thing to do ? was it right for her to play a game of dare ? she didn't know , couldn't tell , and that was more than enough to cripple her with fear . after a few drinks at her best friend's house , vivian's edge dulled , but the feeling of everything being inside out remained the same . despite it all , she went to the carnival with heather's hand to hold , but the moment she caught sight of cherry , so perfectly disheveled as she hopped off her father's car , vivian paused . lingered , even . soft whispers of catch up with you later left her round lips as her fingers hesitantly released heather's , gaze focused as she watched the other crossed over to the threshold of the carnival . vivian blinked and glanced at cherry , dark eyes curious as she hugged her arms , feet taking her to where cherry stood . " hi , " vivian greeted softly , warmth underscoring her slightly nervous tone . " if that's what you want to call it . . . sure . i got the vip invite . how could i ever say no to him ? " she pauses , stomach twisting from the allusion to the sender and their cryptic message . " do you want to walk inside with me ? "

  she  carried  around  that  enigmatic  air  of  sadness  ,  an  aura  hard  to  penetrate  .  if  you  didn't  know  her  ,  you  might  have  thought  her  story  was  born  from  far  more  trauma  than  it  truly  had  been  but  now  there  was  enough  dotted  around  them  all  to  be  all  consuming  .  as  much  as  she  tried  to  conceal  the  fact  she  cared  ,  her  behaviour  often  waved  a  huge  red  flag  that  all  wasn't  well  .  in  another  life  then  her  and  vivian  had  been  close  but  as  she  straightens  up  ,  sunglasses  perched  on  her  nose  ,  she  only  has  a  few  choice  words  to  say  ,  dripping  with  sarcasm  ,  "  yeah  ,  here  i  thought  people  stopped  guilting  you  into  doing  things  you  didn't  want  to  when  they  were  dead  ,  "  not  holding  back  when  it  comes  to  the  darkness  of  the  situation  at  hand  .  it  was  weird  ,  the  edge  of  humour  that  she  still  managed  .  she  hadn't  reacted  in  the  way  most  had  ,  the  unnerving  fear  of  what  could  have  been  …  what  might  have  happened  rather  than  what  they  thought  …  no  ,  cherry  was  in  denial  that  this  was  anything  more  than  a  crazy  ,  stupid  prank  .  even  the  shoes  just  gave  her  more  ammunition  for  believing  this  was  all  some  kind  of  set  up  ,  a  game  that  was  made  just  for  them  .  if  someone  wanted  her  to  play  dares  then  she  might  comply  but  she  wasn't  about  to  act  like  she  was  scared  of  the  consequences  if  she  didn't  .  "  not  going  in  with  heather  ?  "  she  asks  ,  convincing  herself  in  that  moment  that  vivian  was  only  tasking  because  she  felt  sorry  for  her  …  something  about  that  funny  to  her  but  she  decides  to  accept  anyway  ,  nothing  else  going  on  for  her  .  "  we  can  walk  into  the  carnival  together  ,  relive  our  childhood  …  the  last  time  we  ever  had  anything  in  common  ,  "  the  crassness  of  her  jokes  keep  coming  ,  a  bitter  girl  and  a  bitter  woman  .  she  had  a  way  of  ignoring  all  the  good  things  that  had  happened  in  the  past  in  favour  of  a  negative  outlook  but  she  wasn't  being  cruel  .  

          glances   up   from   his   phone   ,   signature   grin   faltering   ,   taking   in   cherry’s   disheveled   appearance   .     “   woah   ,   cherry   bomb   .     you   look   like   you   just   crawled   out   of   a   hot   topic   dumpster   .   ”     steps   closer   ,   lowering   his   ray - bans   to   get   a   better   look   at   her   .     “   seriously   ,   babe   ,   are   you   okay   ?     you   look   like   you   haven’t   slept   since   …     well   ,   since   the   last   time   we   saw   each   other   .   ”     then   ,   elias   bites   his   tongue   .     cherry’s   mentioned   the   vip   invite   ,   and   it   clicks   for   him   .     it’s   the   reason   he’s   in   lincoln   city   when   he   doesn’t   want   to   be   .     it’s   the   reason   she’s   at   the   carnival   when   she   doesn’t   want   to   be   .     the   message   that   lured   him   here   ,   lured   her   too   .     a   flicker   of   relief          (   or   resembling   relief   ,   because   this   is   elias   ,   and   elias   doesn’t   take   anything   seriously   )          crosses   his   face   .     he’s   not   the   only   one   on   this   ghost’s   radar   ,   apparently   .     “   shit   ,   you   too   ?     this   whole   thing   is   giving   me   major   scooby - doo   vibes   .     and   like   ,   i’m   not   exactly   the   velma   of   the   group   ,   ya   know   ?     more   like   scrappy - doo   .     all   this   waiting   around   for   someone   to   figure   out   who’s   behind   these   messages   is   killing   me   .     almost   makes   me   wanna   do   something   about   it   .   ”

  none  of  the  words  that  leave  his  lips  serve  as  any  kind  of  insult  to  her  ,  running  fingers  through  tangle  of  brown  hair  as  she  glances  in  his  direction  .  it  was  enough  to  be  haunted  psychologically  by  her  own  memories  without  the  addition  of  a  little  social  media  ,  text  messaging  ghost  claiming  to  be  a  boy  they  had  all  seen  die  .  others  seemed  to  be  hazy  on  the  details  now  but  cherry  was  one  hundred  percent  certain  ,  there  was  no  way  chris  had  came  out  of  devils  lake  .  "  scrappy  doo  was  a  piece  of  shit  ,  "  interjected  rather  coolly  but  she  isn't  wrong  about  the  nature  of  that  little  wannabe  ,  a  feature  in  every  sleepover  movie  marathon  ,  she  would  never  want  to  be  compared  to  a  scrappy  doo  subtype  .  she  tilts  her  head  to  the  side  ,  "  almost  ?  "  she  has  her  own  theory  about  it  all  ,  "  whoever  it  is  …  they  must  be  bored  with  their  shiny  new  life  if  they  have  nothing  better  to  do  than  try  and  liven  up  an  alumni  event  ,  "  that  would  be  the  simplest  answer  ,  the  best  way  to  explain  it  all  away  .  cherry  didn't  want  to  exist  in  a  world  where  it  was  more  sinister  ,  her  capacity  for  coping  already  full  to  the  brim  with  the  current  arising  circumstances  .  

cherry  was  starting  to  believe  there  were  a  thousand  places  she  would  have  rather  been  than  lincoln  city  .  she  had  never  wanted  to  leave  more  .  her  quiet  life  of  misery  was  being  interrupted  by  the  presence  of  her  entire  graduating  class  .  she  rolls  her  eyes  ,  "  yeah  ,  this  is  my  favourite  yearly  lincoln  city  event  ,  "  she  jokes  ,  not  irritated  at  helena  but  the  entire  situation  grinds  on  her  .  she  wasn't  sure  what  the  messages  were  about  but  they  certainly  stayed  at  the  forefront  of  her  mind  ,  the  ghost  of  chris'  past  not  sounding  even  remotely  like  the  boy  they  had  known  .  "  hopefully  they  don't  have  any  powerpoint  presentations  prepared  for  today  .  "  

@cherrycursed

she  didn't  actually  expect  anybody  to  ask  her  outright  about  the  suspicions  around  the  night  they  were  all  pretending  to  have  forgotten  ,  history  rewritten  .  she's  walking  alongside  rhys  ,  trying  not  to  pay  too  much  attention  as  she  opens  her  purse  to  look  for  some  change  to  buy  candyfloss  when  she  hits  the  stalls  .  "  definitely  ,  "  there's  no  hesitation  but  maybe  that  was  because  she  had  to  believe  that  ,  had  to  be  sure  .  she  doesn't  say  anything  too  specific  ,  her  hair  falling  over  her  face  for  a  second  before  she  looks  back  up  ,  "  we  were  there  .  we  saw  it  .  someone  is  just  fucking  with  us  ,  "  they  had  to  be  …  she  couldn't  have  lived  with  the  alternative  .  

where: outside of oceanfront hotel who: @classcursestarters & your muse !

cherry  didn't  know  why  she  had  helped  .  it  wasn't  like  her  ,  her  nature  to  be  moody  and  despondent  in  times  like  this  .  still  ...  a  part  of  her  felt  a  kinship  with  her  classmates  that  she  couldn't  shake  ,  the  trauma  of  what  they  all  kept  hidden  something  that  never  stopped  weighing  on  her  .  she  might  have  pretended  to  be  one  way  but  if  you  looked  closely  ,  it  wasn't  hard  to  see  she  was  another  entirely  .  the  fabric  against  her  fingertips  is  warm  and  soft  as  she  accepts  the  gift  .  it's  likely  the  closest  she  will  ever  get  to  college  merch  having  chosen  to  forfeit  her  education  after  graduation  entirely  .   "  if  you  end  up  getting  possessed  ,  it  might  make  things  easier  ,  "  she  jokes  dryly  .  a  demon  or  paranormal  activity  would  be  preferred  by  her  to  the  ominous  messages  from  their  dead  classmate  ...  who  was  apparently  shoeless  wherever  he  eventually  washed  up  .  "  you  better  get  all  of  that  stuff  inside  if  you're  planning  to  come  to  the  carnival  ,  "  as  if  they  had  a  choice  .