Cherry Blossoms on a Breeze

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This is a poetic venting blog. Most of it will be my own writing, and I'll credit anything else that isn't mine. Sometimes there will be poetry or prose and other times it'll just be the harsh words of the heart whispered out onto the breeze before I feel like I'm going to explode for not having a way to let go of those emotions.

I don't have a goal or a want or a purpose. I just want to get things off my chest.

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Organized Tags:

Cherry Soap Box - Just surface level talk.

Cherry Whispers - The words I put onto the wind. I don't care whether or not it goes anywhere, it's just there. On the wind. In the world. They're filled with so many emotions.

Sometimes I can see it, you know? Sometimes I can see myself doubling back. Some young, desperate part of myself, when I was 19, trying to go back to the way it was. Trying to see if I just didn’t try hard enough. Because apparently everyone was in agreement about that. Everyone who mattered, I guess.

on everyone I’ve ever met.

Whether dipped in love or bathed in blood.

I hope they remember me for

the things I’ve done,

words I’ve spoken,

or teeth I’ve bared.

Whether they were smiles or snarls.

It’s so hard when I think about you.

It’s hard when I dream about you.

Because it’s all my hopes.

All my dreams.

All my wishes trying their best to come true.

Trying to tell me that there’s still a chance,

That you’d still love me even after I left you.

That someone would still love me

After they see just how

Horrible

I really am.

I don’t love you like that

Anymore,

But I still care.

Even after you broke my heart

All I could want for you

Is better than me.

Because you loved me

You didn’t even have to look at me.

You didn’t have to care at all.

The least you could have done

Was not crush my hope that one day

I might be able to receive love

From someone without issue.

The least you could have done

Was let someone else do the job

you couldn’t.

The least you could have done was not say anything at all.

The worst you’ve done

is make that love seem

so

small.

But what love have you given me

Do you know what it feels like to be just completely soaked with love but still only wring it out of your veins like a sponge to give to others to drink. This love I receive is hardly for me, it’s always only ever been for others - for those that I love. This love you’ve given me has always hardly been for me. It’s always only been for you. It’ll always come back to you. Maybe not in the ways you gave it to me, but one way or another, it gets back to you.

I don’t know how to keep it. I don’t know what to do with it if I can’t give it back.

It feels like acid rain sometimes. To touch the grooves left behind - the shapes that were seared into the heart, you can’t get rid of those easily.

But what about you?

Did the love I kept pouring back to you - did you keep any of it for yourself? Did it burn you the same way it burnt me? Did you put it to good use? Or was it all just a waste of time and energy because you couldn’t drink any of it without it tasting bitter.

So is that bitterness my fault or yours? Was it my love for you or was it your fucked up tastebuds.

I will not

Welcome you with open arms

Like I did before.

I will not

Be your sunlight

Again.

Just for the blinds to be drawn.

Find another to warm

Your bed.

I am searing my name

Into the fabrics of time

And the lips

Of my lover.

Thank you for your presence in my life.

The pieces of yourself,

Whether it was your whole heart,

Or a brief smile,

I've kept them all with me.

If not as new pieces of myself,

Then as fairy lights that remind me

of the brightness of the world,

even in the dark.