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DONT GET ME STARTED ON THAT BIT WITH THE RIBBON TO SYMBOLIZE MARRIAGE FOR THOSE TWO HOLGERSONS. THERE WAS ABSOLUTELY NO FUCKING WAY THATS THE OPTIMAL THING YOU THINK OF. THERE IS NO WAY SOMEBODY NORMAL WOULD LOOK AT THAT RIBBON TIED AROUND TWO BODIES AND THINK "Ah, they got hitched" LIKE??? WHAT? THAT WAS SO UNNECESSARY 💀💀 AND THEN SASCHA JUST RANDOMLY APPEARS??? DURING THAT TOPIC??? THAT DISCUSSION???

this is literally girl failure, hot mess young adult pacifica. especially sad girls. its adult pacifica, drunk and emotional, in a seedy, loud club swaying and chugging bottles of vodka she splurged her whole paycheque on while riding the deafening beat of the speakers to hide the tears running down her face. its a very, VERY concerning coping mechanism for her whole life, but she's a white, emancipated, valley girl and she's going to get wasted to atone for the sins of her ancestors and her own actions. (i imagine she's also nursing a "shameful" crush on a certain pinetree)

dipper, a sober college senior doing emergency grocery shopping at a 7/11, find her in that state— she was walking home at like, 2 AM; barefoot, sweaty, looking like one stumble away from passing out, and she's dressed for the fucking bar, but most distressingly— shes alone, at night, in a seedy part of town. girl brother mode activates and he is impressively compartmentalizing his Concern when pacifica isn't even fighting him when he says she could crash on his and mabel's couch for tonight. that concern becomes Panic when she says there was a "nice man" who said she looked pretty 5 minutes ago.

mabel is Also Concerned when dipper comes back with emergency grocery and an obviously just-cried and wasted pacifica just before she passes out on the couch.

insert the powerpuff girls intro. serotonin, dna, and everything soft. these were the ingredients needed to make the perfect little hood.

then nightwing shows up. he didn't actually know wtf was happening here, its just that jason apparently has a less lovable and more concerning by a wide margin stalker, and as his big bro *cough* its his job to protect his little wing. he fights the scientist and accidentally nudged a leftover uneaten hamburger into the pot (WHO TF IS MAKING CHEMICAL SLUDGE IN A COOKING POT IN THE STOVE!?)

it doesn't take long for him to knock out the scientist and call the police, but just as he was about to leave, boom! the stove and the pot bursts and theres a ball..? rolling out of the sooty thing. and what appears...

is a small, fat, morbidly obese and sentient red hood. its blinking up at him with wide, dumb, derpy eyes and it reaches out to him but it just rolled forward, and nightwing is in love. the sight of it brings joy. he takes a picture and sends it to the batfam gc before taking off with it in his arms. its a sentient and fat plush of his little wing and he HAS to show it to him.

the batfam gc in the mean time, is in shambles.

tim : WHAT THE FUCK IS THAT????

steph : GIVE ME TEN MORE

cass : fat. one burger tall.

damian : i didnt know todd was that rotund. i could poke him and hed roll around the manor until he collides with the stairs.

bruce : nightwing, explain.

babs : hood after eating twelve batburgers in one sitting. yes jason. youre not fat, but you have fat person behavior.

when nightwing meets up with hood, he immediately puts fatson into hood's arms and watched with hedonistic glee as hood is staring bamboozled befuddled bemused at this offensively round and soft clone plush of him that's blinking and— "papa?"

INHALE.

it wiggles its tiny arms—

INHALE AGAIN.

like... im morbidly curious. does he like.. just snap it into himself mid coitus??? what does it feel like????

somebody (ford) is walking around fucking a multidimensional dorito and i just...

but like i like to think dipper wouldnt actually try to stop her. he'd actually just try to contain the situation to just 1 mauled shoulder.

they both like sniping at each other, and they like hitting things, preferrably something breathing. both of them are bamboozled that this sweaty dweeb is her type.

the image of jason red, sweaty, and panting while holding dick's head down on him? and its dark, with only the bedside table lamp on??? and it's a stormy night outside???

now im wanting that fat assed big bird acrobat down BAD for red hood. i want him seeing red hood in that classic leather jacket and gloves, leaning on his motorcycle, getting buzzed with a fat joint in his lips after finishing patrol, and i want nightwing to crash into a wall because his dick jr. stood up in attention to the unholy, uncatholic, not alfred approved thoughts that came down on his brain because apparently he has a very intense oral fixation.

jason saw the whole thing and couldnt stop laughing even while pulling dick to his apartment to check for a concussion

which made everything worse because dick cannot fucking stop staring at the bong in jason's lips and he can smell the weed from jason's mouth and he's getting high, and he want to kiss that mouth and inhale every breath, and then jason blew the smoke right in dick's face because he's leaning WAYY too close and dick basically drank in the the warm smoke and the high from jason's mouth like a desperate, pathetic man searching for water in a desert.

jason sends him back on his merry way to the manor, basically picked up by tim who sees dick eyefucking the goddamn bong in a high af jason's lips, and promptly decides to make it worse by giving jason a lollipop, a popsicle, or anything that he can wrap his lips around. one time tim gave him a push pop (a very blue one) and dick is miraculously silent the whole day.