Culaccino~

i’d also love to do like, an alfred version of all these 4am in a supermarket aesthetic but i don’t know enough about ‘murican supermarket vibes. still, the immortal dirt children being strange glitches in the matrix to night-shift retail staff seems very probable. 

i am absolutely here for alfred neon booty shorts jones

there’s also a Whole Aesthetic to be had of arthur i-used-to-rule-the-world kirkland riding london public transport 

aesthetic: arthur bloody kirkland wandering the aisles of a tesco superstore at 6am trying to find some aspirin for his hangover-induced headache because boots isn’t open yet. he lets out a sound that is half anguished sob, half impotent rage when he can’t find his favourite brand of tea. 

valiantly mopping up a single tear and stiffening his resolve, he locates the aspirin. he digs around in his pocket for change to pay for all £0.95 of it. triumphantly, he fishes out a £1 coin from behind his oyster card. then, dawning horror. for it is a very round and old £1 coin, and the Great Switchover to the gleaming new dodecagonal £1 (‘why, much harder to counterfeit, lord kirkland.’) occurred last october. no human being behind a counter or self checkout machine will accept this. he is marooned. 

i like to think there’s that one tesco in london where all the 6am shift people know arthur kirkland by sight. there are stories. ‘once he cried all over nadja when she told him we were out of PG Tips loose leaf tea.’ ‘he’s a strange fellow, rob and sharmistha have a bet going about whether he works for the British Museum or MI6 based on the stuff he randomly tells us at the checkout. me? i say the National Archives, lol.’