you and i won't be unhappy

wow you got to the red stop light faster and more dangerously than anyone else. should we throw a party?? should we call nascar

filter on ao3 that only shows fic by women in their 40s who has a degree and works an office job and probably leaves authors notes that are like “sorry for the wait on the chapter guys! i had to give birth to my third kid😂”

well if its for fucked up and horny reasons, then i guess its okay...

Sorry to all of the people who had to flee book Twitter because of Elon. I can simulate it for you right here though!

heard porn bots might be following you guys again. sorry about that. but in some good news i have been gaining many new followers who are real stunningly beautiful women. welcome ladies :)

ID: a screenshot of a reply bubble by autisticspecialeducator reading ‘We should do this with Jeff Bezos.’ 

The lighting in these photos makes them look like an impressionist painting and I love it.

one thing about me is that i will buy a beverage

turns out the creator of gandalf big naturals made the images while recovering from anesthesia for top surgery. this implies that the big naturals in question are, in fact, the artist's, and somehow migrated onto gandalf. this has major consequences.

not a single recipe on earth is honest about how long it takes to caramelize onions

recipes shouldn’t even estimate how long it will take it should just say “caramelize onions (god help you — you’re now on onion time)”