Guys 2014 is in two months
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
Sade Olutola

ellievsbear
Not today Justin

Andulka
🪼

祝日 / Permanent Vacation
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"

Product Placement
d e v o n
tumblr dot com
Sweet Seals For You, Always
wallacepolsom

Kaledo Art

Origami Around
dirt enthusiast
KIROKAZE

titsay
ojovivo
PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH

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@charmanderella
Guys 2014 is in two months

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[tired arbys employee voice] ma’am you’re welcome to take it up with the angel
how did i get here
letting the days go by
let the water hold me down
david tennant could do sherlock holmes but benendict cumberbatch couldn't do the doctor. also benedict cumberbatch couldn't do sherlock holmes
this is hard proof that tumblr has gotten better because if I had made this post in 2015 I would have gotten several death threats by now
why did no one tell me quantum computers looked like that
what the fuck

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Normally, I hate tiktok with a passion, but all the videos of people explaining football to Swifties has become my new obsession.
I was a pretty weird outcasted child so one of the greatest wonders of my adult life has been realizing that you can just go someplace and meet some people and casually make some friends, and they might not be in your life forever but you can hang out for a while, and then you can go somewhere else and do it again, and again, if it doesn’t work out no biggie, etc.
what i miss most about being a chocolatier (besides the honor of gayest job title imaginable) is we had these massive bars of chocolate for tempering that were 10lbs and we had to break them into smaller chunks. by using a sledgehammer of course. i LIVED for that shit
all the other people in production HATED busting them especially at the end of the shift but i fucking loved it. give me the hammer. i can be trusted with the hammer. And everyone did in fact trust me with the hammer because again they all thought it was tedious and painful. me? i was having the time of my life. even if i had to pick up the slack for other people i would be annoyed for all of five seconds before the euphoria of getting to smash things set in. and the production areas had windows too so customers often just got to watch me beat the shit out of a massive chocolate bar. with a hammer. like a zoo animal. i was getting paid to do that. every day i miss it.
it must legitimately be a hard time to be a tumblr user who happens to be a hot lady in a bikini who has never posted anything ever
every single time, i sit there with my finger hovering over the block button, briefly wondering if this is the one instance on tumblr of a real human being who simply loves wearing a bikini, typing emoji in the bio, and never making a single post

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch • No registration required • HD streaming
This probably sounds obvious, but I learned today that prisoners aren't protected by OSHA regulations, and that this is another reason why employers are so eager to utilize this modern slavery. It's only a couple cents an hour, less transportation costs than the overseas sweatshops, and if you want people to work with hazardous materials without proper training? That's fine too! Prison labor is the ultimate free market solution!
I think between this and the Everything Else that's fucked up about the mass incarceration in the United States, it's time to stop treating the Civil War as the end of slavery. The Civil War was nothing more than an end to private slaveowners. Slavery has become the exclusive privilege of The State and its agents.
there's an old post I think about all the fucking time and I've googled so many times but I can never find it. I remember it like this
this is my tumblr white whale
when you unsuspectingly see your best friend at the store
why the fuck would this be my reaction
You must not have a best friend
Giving My Man The Hair He Deserves
No joke is one-size-fits-all, but adding "but I remain optimistic" at the end of any somewhat-speculating statement makes it funny, taking a different tone in each.
Adding it to the end of something positive gives it an unexpected twist - implying that whatever the good thing that happened was, it wasn't what you expected or hoped to happen, but you're yet to give up hope of whatever the fuck you've now vaguely implied towards might still happen. "He survived and is expected to make a full recovery, but I remain optimistic."
Adding it to a neutral statement implies that you think something can be done about it, funniest if the statement is something that obviously can't be affected. "Apparently it's tuesday tomorrow, but I remain optimistic."
And the bleakest, most hopeless statements just become bleakly funny by the grim absurdity. "About 30 seconds remain until impact, and the chances of any of us surviving the crash are zero. But I remain optimistic."

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sometimes a girl just has to make a little animal sounds. and thats okay
growing up with a psychologist for a mother was so funny because my sister and i would be like “mo-om why do we have to go to bed now” and she would respond with a long explanation of the research on the effects of sleep on the brain and body followed by another explanation on permissive vs. authoritarian vs. authoritative parenting styles, with citations
this was actually really good in some instances though because i started having insomnia and intrusive thoughts very young and when little me was like “mom i don’t like the thoughts in my head but i can’t make them go away and i can’t sleep” she replied with “oh honey. active thought suppression never works. in fact, wegner et al. (1987) tested this when they told a bunch of people to talk about whatever they wanted, and they told half of them to try not to think about a white bear. people thought more about the white bear when they were trying not to think about it! but when they told the people to think about a red car whenever thoughts of the white bear came to mind, the people had a much easier time not thinking about the white bear. so you see, you can’t force the thoughts out of your mind. you just have to let them pass through, and pick something else that you want to focus on”
and so ever since i was a very little kid i knew how to deal with intrusive thoughts, I’ve had them my whole life but never developed ocd or senses of shame about them cause my mom did her phd on thought suppression and she knows what’s up