ORGAZMO!!!

“Wasn’t rigged. Told you I could do it. Took me only two tries.”

They would look so gorgeous together now, like they always did 💖

ok this is what RLLY bothers me abt kyle in modern south park ESPECIALLY in seasons 24-26 and i think a lot of people are getting annoyed with this shit too. i hate how they’ve been showing repeatedly how cartman’s getting better and acting nicer in the new episodes so like why TF is kyle still being a dick to him and treating him like a monster???? i mean for YEARS kyle has been going out of his way to help cartman and change cartman and making it clear he wants cartman to be a better person and make better choices, so then when cartman finally does he’s just like 😴. like idc if u ship kyman or not it’s rlly out of character for kyle. they’re still canonically close friends so it feels like a missed opportunity for character development on kyle’s end for them not to show kyle reciprocating or appreciating cartman doing better. i guess it’s bc matt & trey are trying to show kyle has been the toxic one and the jealous snake friend all along, but still even tho kyle is an asshole they don’t have to make him THAT big of an asshole. i think a lot of people like seeing kyle’s caring codependent side come out bc that’s the good side of kyle as a person how big-hearted and empathetic he can be. and there def have been some modern episodes where they DO get this right like especially in “the streaming wars” when kyle helped cartman out with his mom’s ‘surgery’ (even tho kyle deadass only helps cartman or feels bad for him when cartman is lying just to fuck himself over which i had talked abt before how he always gets the timing wrong with cartman for those who are caught up on your wendytestabrat lore). i also feel like an episode that DEF got things right with kyle was “help my teenager hates me” from s25. i loved that moment where cartman was crying abt how everything sucks and he lives in a hot dog and kyle is just like “ru okay cartman?” like bitch we need more moments like THAT. even if kyman doesn’t happen, idc like i just wanna see more moments of kyle being a good friend to cartman back (bc they def have given us A LOT of moments of cartman being there for kyle) is that too much to ask? but yeah in the images i used above are from the specials “post covid” (part 1), “south parq vaccination special”, “not suitable for children” and “joining the panderverse” and in literally every single one of these specials kyle’s being a dick and jumping down cartman’s throat when he aint doing anything wrong lol. in post covid he’s all mad at cartman for being a rabbi, even tho we all know cartman wasn’t faking it and was genuinely happy. in “south parq vaccination special” he gets all pissy throughout the whole thing when all cartman is trying to do is save the broship, in “not suitable for children” he’s getting all mad at cartman for making his own cred affinity group which last i checked aint a crime (and we all know he was just mad bc cartman wasn’t letting him in the group), and in “joining the panderverse” he’s getting all mad and annoyed over cartman being replaced by a black woman and he acts like cartman is making it up even tho cartman was telling the truth and there was this real parallel universe shit happening. like this shit needs to stop it’s getting soooo old and all it’s doing is making kyle unlikable af and annoying everyone who used to love kyle lol. like ok we get it matt & trey kyle can be just as toxic as cartman, now can we also see that he can be just as caring and nice as cartman too?

and btw this is why there have been less kyman rants:

(WARNING: KY/MAN, OOC, OPINIONS, CRINGE - not the authors, me for spending so much time reading)

To Be Wanted by Verimakea - my most recent fave, i love it smmmmm. it’s a historical western au. kyle is a bounty hunter, cartman is a criminal, they get snowed in and shit progresses. it’s too freaking good. // 56,400 6/6 chapters

Abraham’s Son by Satine89 - this has been a WIP since 2014 but recently updated and OP said they’re planning on finishing by this year so for sure it is a worthwhile read. hunger games au, kyle is a capitol traitor banished to district 12, eric is the 47th games’ victor. kyle and bebe get chosen as this year’s tributes and have to deal with the fear of dying and trying to continue the fight started by eric the year prior. a lot of sad shit happens but it is goooood. very much recommend. // 57,158 23/28 chapters

something about the chase by grossalien- drag cartman au. i LOVE drag cartman. // 11,299, two oneshots

the “Im with stupid” series by numbknee - established kyman relationship. kyle and cartman have only just gotten together and try to navigate their new relationship and the shit that comes with it (plus the crazy way they got together in the first place 😭). it’s just cute and i like it. // four oneshots, 46,099

kyle isn’t anything by suzie_tempest - end of high school romance au. kyle is discovering himself and what he wants right before graduation. cartman plays a big role in that self discovery. it’s rlly cute i like it. // 89,801 12/14 chapters

be still my (virtual) heart by mewtwos - college au. this is for the losers out there who agree with me that the main 4 are losers too and need to be portrayed as such more often in fan works 🙌 kyle is a little rich boy at college who’s completely normal except for the fact that he’s in a parasocial relationship with a v-tuber named erica chan (you’ll never guess who it is 😳) . he’s gotta work on a school project with cartman. the sexting between erica chan and kyle is excruciating and that’s what makes it so good. i love this one and hope it gets more updates in the future cus it’s so funny. // 18,802, 4/? chapters

it was destiny anyways by galaxy_friday17 - i am not a big fantasy person and not into lore heavy fics but this one was rlly frickin good 🥳 was i confused half the time? yes, but it’s my fault cus i’m the type who skims through long paragraphs if there’s no romance 😭 it’s a stick of truth au, angsty as hell with multiple time skips. i recommend // 53,847 19/19 chapters

It could be wrong, could be wrong (But it should've been right) by grossalien - this follows tweek and craig’s povs but it is a kyman fic. basically tweek and craig accidentally become the last straw that ruined kyle and cartman’s first date and cartman haruhi suzumiya’s himself and everyone around him into a time loop until the date goes well. only tweek and craig are aware of the loop and are forced to make the date go well if they want to leave the time loop. it’s rlly good and rlly funny. // 19,843, 6/6 chapters

in a mirror, festively by synapticfirefly- this is a basic rec in the fandom but it rlly is just too good. it’s the perfect mix of funny and smut and genuinely heartfelt with a surprising emphasis on facebook relationship status(?) 😭 it’s a mirrorverse au where cartman is a little bitch who just wants to do his holiday charities and everyone around him is absolutely batshit evil, esp kyle who just wants him to come to his hanukkah party. // 36,337, 10/10 chapters

put out the fire on us by i_already_forgot - i don’t like to recommend unfinished fics bc i don’t wanna get someone disappointed but this fic is genuinely too good to not be recommended. kyle and cartman get pranked by clyde and they accidentally get handcuffed, fall down a waterfall and get stranded in the woods 🤷‍♀️ it’s funnier if i don’t elaborate. they gotta survive and make it out and their friendship develops and it’s so cute and i love it. if op ever posts another chapter i will be jumping up and down. // 139,167, 11/? chapters

if i were honest with you by creamdream98 - imma be fr, this is my fave kyman fic ever. probbo one of my fave fics of all time. i starting reading it from the first chapter and i was SEATEDD for every update. it’s a regular high school au but sum abt it is just so endearing and sweet and makes you root for eric and kyle. like the kiss scene made me audibly cheer out loud. basically cartman is a freak and bc he’s in love with kyle draws weird drawings of him in his notebook AT SCHOOL (i would NEVERRR). stan catches him one day and makes a deal with him that if cartman helps him get wendy, he’ll help cartman get kyle. it’s adorable i’ve reread it like 10 times. highly recommend if you’re into that sorta thing. // 150,655, 19/19 chapters

1. fake it till you make it by mewtwos- final chapter just dropped and this fic is 🔥🔥🔥 eric and kyle are little shits during theatre class and get in so much trouble that they’re basically forced to either convincingly fake date in front of the whole school or fail drama and become super seniors. ofc the fake dating leads to real shared feelings. it’s so gas tho, highly recommended. // 109,607, 20/20 chapters

2. creep by this_corrosion - kyle broflovski is tryna find out who he is before he fucks off to college and realizes that a certain fatass in drag is lowk hot. all this is happening simultaneously as a fnaf style mystery overtaking the town(?) 😭 it’s crazy but also crazy good and i love it. // 40,990, 8/8 chapters

3. vice versa by grossalien - kyle and cartman body swap au but it’s actually well handled and not just porn!! it’s also got a rlly sweet ending. i lowk love all of gross alien’s fics, recommend all their works in general but esp this one. // 14,027, 1/1 chapter

4. paper dreidel by hunglikearainbro - one of the first kyman fics i ever read. they’re all adults now and kyle is going through a divorce when cartman pulls back up in south park (after years of them not seeing each other due to cartman confessing and kyle rejecting) with a kid in tow. crazy gambling and family troubles ensue. it’s fun, i enjoy it. // 58,327, 17/17 chapters

5. bloodlust by libbywednesday - can’t believe i forgot to include this on the og post cus this is a classic. kyle gets turned into a vampire and cartman offers to help him hunt down p3dos and neo-n@zis so he can feed. more happens than that but u gotta read to find out!! i just got a thing for vamps ngl so this is right up my alley. // 99,898, 32/32