cɥɐuonǝ.

It’s not for your own benefit and edification

It’s so that you can be an example, a testimony

yo this is too beautiful to describe and fills my heart with pure joy.

3 things you should know about Brazil.

1. Brazil was the LAST country in the western world to abolish slavery

2. Brazil has the 2nd LARGEST Black population in the world, in ANY country (including 53 out of the 54 countries in the continent of Africa) Second only to Nigeria

3. 40% of the total number of enslaved Africans brought to the Americas were taken to Brazil. For comparison, the United States received 10%.

More on slavery in Brazil

This is what a real, qualified OBGYN will tell you about what women feel when they get an abortion

Have you ever thought that we could see maybe Black Panther and Storm in the future? 

Punishments

There are several reasons punishments (including spanking, time out and “consequences” when they presented punitively) are mistakes. The most crucial is that children who are taught through physical or emotional pain tend to stop trusting us and themselves. Expecting humans at their most vulnerable stage of life to learn through pain and shame (when healthy adults would never put up with this) doesn’t make a lot of sense, does it? Can you imagine taking a college course and being spanked or banished to “time out” because you weren’t learning quickly enough?

Even if punishments didn’t have long term negative effects, the truth is they don’t work.  The loving, trusting bond our children have with us is what makes following our code of behavior and internalizing our values something they want to do. Erode that relationship, and discipline becomes an “us against them” struggle.

Perceiving children as “bad” rather than in need of help

There was a toddler in one of my parent/toddler guidance classes whose behavior could be considered “bad”. He was compelled to push limits, probably because his adoring, gentle mother struggled to set them confidently. She admitted that his behavior unnerved her.  That, in turn, unnerved him, and “acting out” was the way he demonstrated it.

Some days I would have to calmly follow this boy, shadowing him so that he wouldn’t push or tackle one of the other 18-24 month olds. When I sensed an aggressive impulse coming, I would place my hand in the way and say matter-of-factly, “I won’t let you push” or gently move him away from the friend he was tackling and say, “That’s too rough.”

There was no point in reminding him to touch gently (in fact, that would have been an insult to his intelligence).  He knew exactly what ‘gentle’ meant and was clearly making a different choice.  But what I would often end up asking was, “Are you having a hard time today?”  “Da”, he’d answer a bit wistfully, a hint of a smile on his face, recognition in his eyes.  This simple acknowledgement coupled with my calm, consistent limit setting would usually ease the behavior.

Toddlers love to be understood. They also need to know that their discipline “teachers” are calm, unruffled and understanding, not thrown or upset by their behavior.   And that is the way that I have come to understand misbehavior. It is not intentionally bad, mean or a way to upset parents. It is a request for help.