let's get lost in our minds

I can feel him pushing me away. Like he doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, and I get it. He didn't sign up to date somone with medical issues. I get it. He didn't sign up to be a caretaker.

Its 3 days after the best birthday ive had in a long time and i just realized all we do is use eachother as emotional punching bags. You get a headache and suddenly here I am feeling small again. Every move I make is the wrong one. I ask for reassurance that you arent mad at me. You say no, but your tone and manor says otherwise. It used to be these days were far apart. Now they almost feel like any time I have a good day or weekend here you are to make end it. And I've been here before. Every person ive ever loved makes me feel small. At this point I cant help but to think what am I doing wrong. I mean even you pointed out im the problem. The one person who I thought would never see me as a problem saw me as one. You get upset anytime I show any emotion besides happiness and im sorry. Im sorry. I just give up.

I dont know how to fix this. How to fix us.