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On Tuesday my girlfriend's brother died in a car crash. She got a call from her father. I heard her start crying and I knew immediately that something had happened to him.
Within an hour and a half she was on her way to Korea so she could make it in time for his funeral. I haven't really been able to talk to her since. It's breaking my heart. I'm so sad for her and her parents. I'm so sad that I can't even really help. I text her that I love her and am there for her and send her pictures of our cat but I don't know what else I can do being so far away.
I feel selfish about the fact that I am so concerned with my own helplessness, but also about the fact that I'm worried about how this will impact our future together. I just feel really scared that she won't come back. I would understand why she might choose to be closer to her family now, but I just don't know if I could deal with it at all. Especially since I feel like I was barely even able to say goodbye to her. Which feels so fucking selfish when she literally wasn't able to say goodbye to her brother, and will never have the chance to again. I feel like a bad partner and a bad person.
It feels like I have made this about me, when it really, really, really isn't, but I don't know how to get around it emotionally when I'm all alone in the apartment we had to fight for and can't even talk to her because her homophobic mother can't be alone right now.
Idk what the point of this is but I just kinda have to get this out and hopefully move on cause it's really been festering in me.
