vehicular manslaughter

"but the viral re5 ad campaign 🥺" thats the hill you will die on. a live action re5 ad. okay.

"but lucas baker-" lucas baker is deranged and joker-esque and clearly called him christopher in the only correct way he should be called christopher. as a funny lengthening of the real name.

like imagine. dragons. now imagine. claire is mad at chris. does she yell out "CHRIS REDFIELD COME HERE RIGHT NOW!" or does she call out "CHRISTOPHER [fake middle name] REDFIELD COME HERE RIGHT NOW"? exactly.

I am on my knees begging for the Convergence to involve them on some kind of 'Oops! All impersonators!' mission. Step it up from classic masquerade all the way into full identity theft

Rank 1: Hype And Aura or Not That Bad

Petra and Ryah - Honestly these girls have it the best. They're cool enough fantasy names that they don't immediately remind you of the human skull and Petra's name always makes me think of "petrify" or "petrification" which is. ....Fitting. Slay queens.

Occtis - Given Primus's previous track record he could've made a much worse name out of "occipital" but Occtis's name is pretty decent. It's fantastical while also being snappy and fun to say. Still a little bit silly, to me. But it's mostly pretty good.

Rank 2: Okay Come On Now

Univere and Doset - Like. To me their names are a LITTLE cool, but also sound a tiny bit clunky. The numerical naming scheme is NOT smoothly integrated there. They're not that bad at all, though. Also I would do anything for an evil skull sorcerer so im okay with this

Tertia - They really named this girl Tertiary. The poor thing. She was never gonna make it in this world bro

Ethrand - It projects to the world a little too strongly that this dude is named after his ethmoid bone, But it could be worse. In a way, I like it. It's camp. It's so bordering on being bad that it almost loops around to being peak.

Rank 3: Frons Tachonis

Frons - Frons Tachonis

Primus - I honestly cannot believe I haven't already seen dozens of posts speculating about how this guy's true identity is a guy named Jerry who drives a racecar. I am so invested in this character as a villain but i just cannot take him seriously because of his name. It's too much

Yes, because the Washington state government activated like a sleeper-cell and ruthlessly, systematically hunted them down and annihilated them.

“Y2K came to nothing amirite?”

Yes because an army of software engineers working around the clock, losing sleep, and busting ass till the last minute prevented it from happening.

“Remember the hole in the ozone layer?”

You mean the one that was fixed through rigorous world wide government action?

One of the root problems of our society is a refusal or inability by media to articulate that all those “it’s gonna be an apocalypse” disasters were not disasters because we collectively did something about them.

The good news is this is actually quite correctable. I maintain my firm belief that we as humans are capable of solving almost all of our problems, when we decide to do so.

And I still think that’s going to happen. I don’t know when or how, but I do know that abandoning hope won’t help bring it about.