dirty & clean

“I mean, it’s impress – oh.” Babs sighed as the woman in question shoved the man, sending him crashing into one of the tables. She waved one of the security men over to break it up. “I can’t have a fight in the club, it’s a nightmare of paperwork.”

“Well, shit.” Tara cursed, a cringe at the sight. There goes that enjoyment. “You want me in there boss lady?” She asked. With her powers it was no trouble taking them down. She saw the natural security beginning to interject instead, but kept her eyes peeled in case they couldn’t handle it. 

.

      Donna stopped short, hearing a familiar voice call out to her. Her blood ran cold, anger boiling in her veins as she turned to meet the traitor’s eyes. “Can I do something for you?” Her tone was sharp as the crack of her whip. Tara had hurt the team and her in return. There was nothing left to be said, not after watching everyone recover after the tragedy of finding out that someone they thought was one of their best friends try to destroy them. 

There was so much Tara wanted to say. Apologizes she knew that could never pass her lips, pleads for things to go back to the way it used to be, one more hug, one more kindness, one more piece of advice, just one more moment of pretending. But no, she was unsure if it was too much pride or anger or what. Perhaps it was actually a kindness. Trying to intercede any of the Titans life was a selfishness on her part after all. “I-” Come on Tara, shape up. “Yes.” She held on for dear life trying to sound calm and strong. “I need a favor from you.” 

-

Kori nodded, offering the young woman a soft smile. “I understand,” she said. “There are times when the best thing to do is to simply give yourself space from the familiar.” She glanced over at Tara, pausing for a moment to consider her own words. “I hope you know that you are not alone in Gotham, Tara. There are people here that you can turn to if you need help, or even if it is simply someone to talk to.”

Solitude was a normalcy to Tara. Before Slade came along, it was all she’d known. He made her crave something more, she wanted a family because of him. A sad irony given he was the one who sent her to the Titans, practically gave her a family only to swipe them away just as easily (she tried to forget she played a role in that part too). She swallowed at Kori’s offer, the words sounded so appealing and kind Tara forced herself to remember the truths of their situation. “I think you’re a really kind person Koriand’r. But I also think you may be being naive.” The words hurt to say just as much as they hurt to hear. Though nothing compared to the pain from them being true. “You can’t forget what I’ve done. Neither can I. It might be easier not to talk about it, but it doesn’t mean it didn’t happen.” No matter what kindness Kori offered it didn’t change the fact betrayal laid in their past and couldn’t be forgotten.  

.

“Hardly look at this mess, had I known you were tracking these guys I wouldn’t have wasted my time” Rose replied looking at the unconscious rabble at their feet. “So you meant to come bursting in like a hurricane?”

“Tracking?” Tara gaffed at the word. “That is not what happened here.” She explained. Though all the unconscious bodies on the floor may beg to differ. “It was pretty much a random encounter, and then I just... happened.” A crew like this, no powers and just guns? They stood no chance against her frankly. 

\

Dawn looked away briefly as Tara asked her to define what she meant. “Something like that.” She replied. She wasn’t sure if she meant it or not but the team barely survived what had happened back then. She couldn’t let that happen again to them. “You don’t get to walk in and out of people’s lives and expect people to welcome you back with open arms.” Dawn told her firmly as it seemed the other had an attitude about the whole thing. At her question, Dawn’s expression softened. “I’d like to think not but I can’t speak for everyone.” Dawn answered honestly. “I’m not going to pretend that I can beat you alone, Tara. I’m not going to try because I know what happened weighs on you. I’d like to think it does otherwise there is nothing left.”

“I never said that.” Tara snapped speedily. Of course she hadn’t expected open arms upon her return, she expected the harshest of treatment. Knowing she deserved the treatment didn’t make it hurt any less. The pain made her want to lash out. Being angry was an easier way to protect herself then letting the sorrow in, letting the pain shrine through felt like a terrible idea. Protecting herself with anger was a better idea, it had to be. “I don’t expect open arms, don’t even want it.” A practiced lie. Not just to Dawn, but herself as well. She swallowed, trying to keep calm and wishing the subject matter hadn’t fallen onto her strength and powers. She was strong, but she was unstable. It was why Slade had-- stop it stop it stop it, her mind screamed at her. “I don’t even know what you mean.” She insisted stubbornly, eyes refusing to meet Dawn’s. “Nothing weighs on me, I did what I always intended to do so-” So that should have been it. If only it actually was. 

And here was Stephen’s soft spot, Tara Markov. He’d grown quite attached to the young woman since he’s come to the city. Bats phased through the wall getting excited by her presences Tara! Tara! matched the speed of his tail as he came all the way through. “This happens to be a you thing…” He started, jesting. “Looks like your wearing two minute noodles around your neck.” He retorted, the sorcerer questioning why he befriended her causing him to chuckle lightly at his sudden madness. “Please for all pity sake on me, this is the last sudden change before we go to dinner. I can feel my stomach eating itself.” 

Stephen Strange was an undecided puzzle piece. He seemed to have earnest kindness towards her, good intentions, but that was just the same she had thought about Slade. Tara didn’t trust easily, she couldn’t afford to. So she didn’t. Instead she watched with wary eyes, hesitating to accept kindness, and hoping she wasn’t making a mistake by letting someone new into her life. “Sorry let’s back up a bit, who asked for your opinion on how I looked?” She cupped her ear. “Oh yeah, that’s right, no one did.” It was a jest, or the closest the came to them nowadays. 

-

Kori glanced up at the sound of Tara’s voice, a soft smile touching her lips. She understood why the rest of her team would hold a grudge against Tara, and she would never say they were wrong for feeling how they did. She had no right to judge them on their feelings – but that also meant she wasn’t going to judge Tara for her actions, especially because she knew Slade was a driving force behind it all. “Tara,” she said. “It’s good to see you again. I was worried when you simply went away.”

Her hands dug into her pockets trying to find whatever was rolled around in them so her hands would have something to fiddle with. It was a lot easier that way, finding something to hold onto then holding onto herself. It kept her fidgeting hands distracted. “I’m glad you’re glad.” That felt awkward and the words felt foolish too. Dammit Tara... “I didn’t mean to go away.” She spoke up softly. “After all that happened and him being around... I needed to get away.” Her plan had been to try and get that monster off her trail, and she hoped to God that it had worked. 

\

Dawn froze almost in whatever task she was in the middle of as she saw Tara. Her breath hitched in her throat and it was like she was in pain. She had been an advocate for the young girl and stood by her when those began to accuse her of not being their ally. So when things didn’t exactly turn out the way it did and her friends were hurt because of it, Dawn felt foolish, defending a wolf in the den. “Not long enough.” Dawn told her firmly. She had let her family down by not believing them before. She didn’t want to make that mistake again. Not to let them be hurt like that again. “Your lucky it is me and not Hank or anyone else for that matter.” She looked to the other girl for a moment, her expression not angry but more so hurt. 

Dawn was always so much more gentle then Tara knew what to do with. She knew how to handle stones and rocks in her path, thrown at her, but the soft touch of someone caring was utterly foreign of a concept to her. The soft touches were Dawn’s specialty though, and if Tara hadn’t seen it with her eyes she would never have known the dangerous things Dawn was capable of. She swallowed, the biting words not being unexpected but hurting all the same. “I see so when do you define long enough? Or were you looking more for ‘never’?” There was attitude in her tone, her only shield of armor when words came into play. “You really think they’d hurt me.” There was vulnerability there only for a moment, shock and fear. Hurt. Before Tara realized it revealed far too much and she twisted her own words. “You think that I’d let them?” She was strong, stronger then them? Maybe, maybe not. But she could protect herself, hold her own! But god she didn’t want to. 

“I happen to like 90′s nostalgia.” Tara proclaimed, pointing out her choker. “I like how it looks.” She said the words with pride and without hesitation. At the very least her fashion sense was one thing she knew she could be proud of. 

Tara smirked back at Babs. “You don’t say that like it’s a bad thing.” If the returning smile on Babs face meant anything it could have been heck of a good one. 

“Hey my balls are perfect where they are.” Tara proclaimed her arms crossing in defiance. “I haven’t dropped shit and I don’t know what you’re talking about.” She hadn’t let things fall out of place... had she?

“Duly noted.” Despite the words themselves there was sincerity in her tone. Tara didn’t just learn her lesson in betraying Rachel but she knew who not to trust too. Namingly: Slade. “Where we goin?” Her brow quirked up only for an abrupt realization to take over and a smirk to quickly follow. “You need my help.” It was a pleasant realization. 

Dick was the parent of the Titans. Not just from being one of the first to join the group, even had a hand in creating it, it was more then that. He had cared for them all so kindly, loved them all with all his heart. He had opened his heart to Tara and she abused the privilege. It had been her goal from the moment she stepped into Titans Tower and yet it didn’t make her feel any less guilty. She could hear Slade’s voice in her head, his breath on her neck You were never theirs. Avoiding Dick had been far easier then being faced with him and the guilt that came with him. She didn’t know which would even be worse, the sad eyes or if he were angry. He had a right to either. “It’s been a while... Dick.” There were both in civvies, she couldn’t exactly call him Nightwing. Though calling him Dick felt wrong too. 

If there was a woman who’s kindness knew no bounds it would be Koriand’r. then again, she was an alien. Maybe it was just a human being trait, to be hold onto your anger and pain. It was fair. Tara even personally knew the trait, it was often how she felt about Slade. He had betrayed her just like she had done to the Titans. She couldn’t fathom how one could look past that anger or even put it aside. “You look well Koriand’r.” it used to just be Kori, but that felt too personal now. 

Dove. She’d always been someone wonderful. Kind to the younger members of their team, respectful to everyone else. Also a badass. Dawn was an inspiration to Tara. Someone who she also betrayed along with the rest of them. Her friends, her mentors, her... Garfield. She betrayed them all. Tara didn’t even know how to look the other woman in the eyes after all that had happened. It would be easier if they were in gear, Tara could just have the earth swallow her up then. “It’s been a while.” They were the only words she could muster.

Tara had loved Donna. She was like an older sister to all of them, always looking out for the youngers, being a goofball while also being someone to lean on when you needed the support. Tara had taken that support and stabbed her in the back with it. Out of everyone Tara would admit she was the most surprised Donna didn’t snap her neck. Trust was not to be given lightly and she had abused it. “Donna.” She said, only to falter. “... or should I call you Miss Troy now?” She didn’t even know what to say, let alone what to call her.