hello and welcome to my blog!! i'm estera. if you came here from my wattpad account (certifiedfrog) then welcome! if you just stumbled here and are interested in my works and harry potter, then i really would recommend and appreciate you checking my fic out!
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â fandoms : harry potter, stranger things, genshin impact, haikyuu, encanto (is this fandom dead), demon slayer, percy jackson
â music : laufey, beabadoobee, clairo
â current obsession : harry potter
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⥠favorite characters : harry potter, jane hopper, luna lovegood, dustin henderson, venti, noelle, kamisato ayaka, yoimiya, lily evans
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⥠favorite comfort media : writing and reading
⥠favorite movie : the wind rises by Hayao Miyazaki
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SYNOPSIS: after numerous failed arranged marriages set up by your parents, you thought the one with the vice-captain would follow the same pattern. you're proven wrong when he subverts what an expected greeting should be given.
đĽ WORDCOUNT: 3.3k (pls give it a chance...) â đĽ TAGS. @millurie @axolotsofluv @tragedy-of-commons @al97649 @bisouyuo @aritsukemo -> come join the taglist here!
đĽ WARNINGS: mentions of beer and drinking, reader is from snezhnaya and has a dendro vision, reader also has lowkey/implied mommy issues, mentions blood and a wound, arrange marriages obv, cameo for varka, ragbros, jean, lisa, and albedo; not fully proofread; expect mistakes!
⪠FINAL NOTES .á this one is for my fav lohen kissers ari and yuomi đ¤đ¤i genuinely didn't expect for this to b this long but oh well. art credits: @.su3ka_ on x!
"you are to be wedded to the vice-captain of the fifth company."
that's how it all began â a simple dinner with your parents as they dropped the bomb of your new marriage candidate. you tried your best not to appear vexed. keyword: tried. but unlike you're ever admirable cousin, jean, your face gave away more than your words ever could.
your brow twitched, the small fork in your hand clattered to the porcelain plate. your mother threw a disapproving glare, while your father coughed into his fist. "now, [name], my dearâ"
"don't "my dear" me, father." you bark out, "what happened to giving up on setting me up for another failing marriage."
"you haven't even met the vice-captain," he argued.
you rolled your eyes in bemusement, "and you have? what happened to not involving yourself with 'pitiful, mongering barbarian?""
"your marriage has been decided," he stated sternly. he set his utensils with force enough to rattle the entire table as he raised his head like he always did when someone challenged his authority as a duke. "you are to be wed to vice-captain lohen." a tired sigh escaped him, a gloved hand pinched between his brows as he heard you stand from your seat and dash out the dining room. "arranged marriages aren't all so bad, [name]!"
"not all bad, you say?!" you shouted from across the corridor. "take a look at your relationship with mother before you say that!"
your family arrived in mondstadt at dawn. the trip to dorman port was as you expectedâhumid, and all too bright in comparison to the snow of snezhnaya. the people smiled often, too, you noticed. well, you supposed this was the land of freedom after all. you're quite tempted to see where the winds would take you when all you've grown up with are the blizzards and snowstorms that knock at your windows like an incessant friend who can't take no for an answer.
still, despite your curiosity about what the wild berries in the bushes would taste like, you willed your feet to stay rooted at the docks. your father greeted everyone as usual; your mother hid half her face in disdain behind her fan. like you, she had a lot to say about the weather, but you doubt she'd sugarcoat any unpleasant comments she had. people have told you that you took after her the most â too straightforward, too quippy, too wild to be a duke's heir.
"and you must be the duke's heir," a voice commented. you snapped your head up to the noise and realized, in mortification, that you had to crane your neck to even meet his eyes. you grip the silk of your apparel in alarm. "i'm varka. knight of boreas, grandmaster of the knight of favonious!"
the grandmaster pressed a closed fist to his chest, a grin plastered on his face as he bowed his head. "from now on, you will be in our care. if you encounter any problems, please don't hesitate to inform me. or lohen."
lohen.
you wondered what he's like.
as varka stood back to his full height, he offered you a hand to guide you to the horse you'll be riding to the city. "the roads are treacherous here, your grace. using a carriage will only lengthen the time to get to the city." he had explained earlier when your mother had complained at the lack of proper transportation. you sighed in dismay when she threw another hissy fit, your father right behind her as he guided her onto the horse, gathering the many layers of her gown. he was probably chastising her for not heeding his warnings. you turned around and let varka lift you to the saddle (and when i say lift, i mean lift. the man even had the audacity to laugh and ask if you were eating properly.)
you tuned out the rest of mother's tantrum in favor of soaking in the sights of your new home. it was⌠starkly different. you could actually see the path, albeit it was⌠unrecognizable; wild flowers bloomed from the soil, and small critters would gather atop rock formations to tilt their heads at you. when you thought no one was looking, you gave them a small wave. a smile bloomed on your face when the small squirrel jumped in delight before scurrying away with its friend.
"you're quite the charmer, your highness." you turned to your left and watched as varka reign his horse slow it's pace and match yours. his sky-lit eyes eventually fell on the mount you had been riding, a low whistle escaping his lips. "that horse you're riding is infamous for throwing off any rider that touches his saddle."
you feel your anxiety spike, quickly looked down to your horse before you calmed down. "you should've said that earlier, grandmasterâŚ"
he laughed, hearty and whole. like the feeling of joy existed in the air that wafted in the surroundings and encompassed the space of his lungs. "ha, ha, ha! i heard rumors about you being blessed by mother nature herself, your highness! ah, forgive me. i know i shouldn't indulge in such rumors but the moment you had stepped off that boat, i had a feeling you were special."
you blinked up at him (cursing the very obvious gap in your heights in your mind) and couldn't stop yourself from asking, "why is vice-captain lohen here?"
there's a shift in the air. subtle, almost as if it never happened to begin with. but you saw it. the way varka's eyes widened for just a fraction, how they looked at anything but you, and how he changed the subject faster than any warning of an avalanche you've heard.
the trip to the main gates was spent in silence after that. you didn't dare to ask the question again, or even bring up your fiancĂŠ's name. afraid of the suffocation the knights would have to endure as the words fell from your lips.
lohen. you trialed in your mind. it was short enough to remember, but unique in a way you've only ever heard it once. lohen. you looked up to the sky, the day had barely passed despite it feeling like you've travelled through half of teyvat already. when the sun peeked around it's shield of clouds, you wondered where your fiancĂŠ was.
mondstadt was welcoming. welcoming enough for your father â all up-tight, and no funny business â to indulge in a few rounds of beer in a quaint bar in a corner. "it's angel's share," you're mother informed, already half-way through her glass of champagne when she found you in a dark corner on the second floor. "owned by the most sought after bachelor in mondstadt â diluc ragnvindr."
"if he's so sought after, why wasn't he a candidate?" you asked, swirling the apple cider in your glass.
"naive child, i've told you numerous times already. he could have been, if you hadn't burned his letter in the fireplace like a fool."
ah, now you remembered. you were high on emotions that night and the thought of leaving home with a man you didn't know sent you into a spiralling tantrum that ended with you burning the stacks of marriage proposals on your father's desk. you distinctively remembered a burgundy envelope and an owl seal amongst them.
you took a careful peek at your mother who had dropped herself on the seat in front of you, much to your disdain. when she clicked her tongue, you took it as your cue to let your gaze fall like it always had in her presence.
"because of your foolish mistake, you're stuck with this half-witted, war-mongering vice-captain."
"'warn mongering'?" you asked.
she rolled her eyes at you, drinking the remaining champagne and slammed the delicate glass in front of you. "the boy is a monster, [name]." she said, "that lohen is unbecoming. i can't wrap my mind around how he, of all people was accepted into the knights."
the way she said lohen's name â as if the very letters seared her tongue and offended her existence â made something churn in your stomach. you didn't know him, you reminded yourself, there's no point in defending him. in fact, with varka's prior reaction to you questioning his whereabouts, you're left with little but too much all the same; lohen was someone distasteful to be around.
"are you even listening to me, [name]?!" your mother rattled, "listen to me, dear archons above what have i done to deserve such a disobedient childâ"
you stood from your seat, the legs of your chair dragging across the floors before it dropped with a painfully loud thud. chatter paused, songs finished abruptly, and you simply smiled. "i'm tired, i'll be retiring for the day." you excused yourself from the others, bolting to the stairs, only to be stopped when the grandmaster weaved himself between you and the exit.
"now, your highness, you can't leave yet!" he said, one hand still holding a wooden mug of beer.
you raised a brow at him, your patience growing thin when he continues to block your path regardless of what step you took. "grandmaster," you warned. "please, step aside."
but he only shook his head, a finger scratched his chin while his eyes darted across the many faces in the bar. "y-you can't!"
"and why not?"
"because⌠um⌠you see, we were, umâŚ"
while he was busy thinking fo an excuse, you sent out a silent prayer to the tsaritsa that barbatos doesn't smite you for landing a blow on one of his knights (though calling it a blow would be an exaggeration when the grandmaster was double, if not triple your body mass). at best, you had landed a strong enough blow to his side to tickle, tickle, him to drop his guard and wheeze out of your way.
finally! you thought. you were almost free from this stuffy, beer-stinking room!
but as you opened the door, a force from the other side pulled it forward, taking you along with it. everyone gasped, and you shut your eyes to brace for the impact, already imagining the scolding you were about to receive if even a single scratch were to grace your face. but it never came.
instead, heavy and dirtied hands caught you by the forearms as your face planted into someone's uniform stained with blood. you stayed there for a moment longer than what would be considered necessary.
"well, ain't this a lovely first meeting, your highness!"
you felt the blood drain from your face as you realized who you had just fallen into. with a heavy sigh and grumbled curses, you lift your head enough to catch a glimpse of a face that did not match the tone of his voice. his eyes were something straight out of a fairytale, but it's not what you'd describe as "princely" or even a "knight" â they had no light, like never-ending, encompassing pool of carmine that bleeds into the sky.
your mother was right, lohen was a monster.
"what? do i have something on my face?" he asked, and you're mortified to realize that you had been caught staring right into a rabbit hole of his gaze. the pads of his gloves dragged from your forearms down to cup your palms â gentle, sure. you think you can feel the callouses from how he uses his weapons, and yet⌠"you okay there? i'm starting to think i'm not the only delusional one here." he joked with a chuckle under his breath.
"excuse me?"
"just a joke! no need to be offended, your highness," he assured you, but it did little to quell the somersaults that your stomach continued to perform. his skin was pale, maybe as pale as the snow back at home, and there's a single guiding star beneath the right of his eye. his mouth moved, and you thought what he said was funny when the other patrons laughed. but you didn't hear it. not when your hand, the one your father swore would never know the feeling of blood, dragged a thumb over the bleeding scratch that etched his cheekbone down to the side of his chin.
"what a wound. it must be painful," you muttered before a familiar condensation of dendro energy pooled at where the blood continued to stain his cheeks. "hold still," you asked, and against everyone's expectations, lohen did as you asked. he stood still, very still. when half of the wound had closed, you began to wonder if he was even breathing.
when his cheek was fully healed, only then did you finally breathe out a sigh of relief. noticing how the room had gone quiet, you became acutely aware how little distance was left between you and the vice-captain. with reddening cheeks, you let out a cough into your first, and stepped back. the warmth of his hold left a scalding trail on your skin that raised the hairs yet left you wanting for more, all the same.
lohen stumbled back, too. a hand clumsily tugging at the collar of his uniform, before both hands dusted down his shirt, cursing when he realized blood had managed to stain the spot you had planted your face in. when your eyes met again, you noticed the obvious flustering of his cheeks. it contrasted nicely against his pale, snow-stricken complexion. and it made the blush that crept up his ears all the more obvious.
your staring context was broken when you hear a snort from behind you. your head whipped to see the culprit, only to find varka ducking his head down just as you glared at him. he waved a hand in apology, setting his cup of beer down the counter, and going past you just to stand besides lohen.
"your highness, allow me to introduce to you the vice-captain of the knight's fifth company." a heavy hand was placed on his shoulders, and your eyes met again. this time, he didn't look away, nor did you think he cared much for the obvious red on his cheeks. "lohen, this is their highness, [name]. proud heir to snezhnaya's dukedom, who also happens to be your fiancĂŠ."
lohen rolled his eyes, shrugged off varka's hand on his shoulder before reaching for something behind him. "can you tell me something i don't know, grandmaster? i do more than just fighting, you know."
"that's rather hard to believe, but sure! whatever you say!"
annoyed by his superior, lohen swiftly delivered an undamaging kick to the grandmaster's shin. the latter only laughed at his attempt, before shoving him forward, nearly sending you both toppling over if you had not caught him by the shoulders as he did with you.
"stupid grandmaster, i don't need your help," he grumbled under his breath.
you tilted your head curiously, slotting you perfectly in his visage that he stumbles over the next few words. "help with what?"
you heard the other knights holler and whistle, the grandmaster behind him laughed even harder as he passed you both, taking up his previous station by the bar and watching with amused eyes. "the same reason why he wasn't there to greet you when you arrived, your highness!" varka explained. "come on lohen, don't get all shy on us now! you we're all fire and spirit when you proposed the idea, where's that spirit gone?"
"drowned by your noise if you don't shut the hell up!" lohen shouted amidst the sea of laughter and cheering. "damned nosy assholes. who even said you were in on the plan in the first place?!"
"i'm⌠a little lost."
as he finally remembered who he was in proximity with, the blush on his face worsened, and the cheering grew louder. he slipped from your hold, taking a deep breath and continuing his grumbling, throwing a glare at the head that belonged to the grandmaster as he finally fixed his posture.
couhing into his fist, lohen did one final lookover his appearance â fixing the collar of his shirt, dusting down his cape, and brushing the bangs over his eyes. he took one step, then another, until he was only an arm's length away and you had to stop the squeek that nearly slipped from your throat when he took your hand in his, while the hand behind his back revealed a bouquet of local flowers in mondstadt.
"i apologize, for not greeting you first. i know it's not exactly very "knightly" of me," lohen paused, his thumb rubbing mindless circles on your knuckles as his gaze flickered from your face to the flowers in his hold. "and appearing all battered and with a wound on my face is⌠unbecoming. but i promise, it was for a good cause. that being this." he motioned for you to take the bouquet. when you gingerly accepted them in your hands, he straightened his back again. "welcome to mondstadt, my fiancÊe. i hope you'll like it here."
"'welcome to mondstadt, my fiance.' now where, pray tell, did you learn to smooth-talk like that, lohen?"
the vice-captain only rolled his eyes. he continued wiping down his spear in jean's office (why it had to be here, lohen didn't know. and fankly, he was too tired to know.). "it was a formal welcome. since all you wanted to act like a stick had stuck up your ass, i decided to be⌠more me."
"more you, as in revealing your year-long crush on the duke's heir?"
"when have i said that?!"
albedo and kaeya shrugged, but the all-knowing and teasing smiles on their faces had lohen's heart hammering in his chest. when lisa chuckled and closed her book, only then did he realize that he had abruptly stood from his seat, his polearm lay forgotten on the floor along with the cloth he was using to clean it.
"now, now, don't tease him you two. it must have been hard to gather all those flowers in starsnatch cliff with the activity of the abyss."
"thank youâ"
"and confessing isn't exactly an easy thing to prepare for! the fact he even showed up is a miracle in and of itself."
"lisa?!"
"enough, you three."
when jean arrived, only then could lohen relax and sit back down on his seat. he picked up his polearm and glared at kaeya when the man snickered at him.
"now that we're all here, we will be discussing the appropriate accomodations to the duke and his family," jean's eyes landed on lohen first. "thankfully, master diluc had agreed to house them for a while until we finish the deal with northland bank." then, she nodded towards lisa and albedo's direction, "the duke's only request is that their highness's studies in alchemy to be continued, so i'll be trusting you both in that regard."
"thank you for trusting us, dear jean."
"yes, we'll do our utmost best."
jean smiled, shoulders finally relaxing, "that leaves kaeya and me with managing their transportation when the duke and duchess return. now lohen," the vice-captain stiffened. a shiver ran down his spine when he met jean's eyes and watched in horror as even her lips tugged into a teasing smile. "it'll be your job to assist them in any and every field. you are their hand-picked knight, ensure that they remain safe until the weeding."
"it offends me that you think i can't even do something as simple as that," lohen complained.
"ah, ah. i'm not finished.
"huh?"
jean smiled, in fact, everyone in the room smiled. and lohen felt cold, ice water was dumped over his head when the next words followed.
"as their fiancĂŠ, be sure to woo them now and then. it took a lot of effort from master diluc to get your name on their candidate's list after all."
"how the hell do you know about that?!"
Š đľysarion 2025 â do not plagiarize, repost, or translate works without the knowledge or consent of the creator in other platforms or websites.
I think the strangest thing about peace is that it does not feel peaceful. Everyone keeps saying it: the war is over, the war is over, the is finally over. But nobody ever explains what happens after. And how a I supposed to figure that out by myself?
Nobody tells you what you are supposed to do when the person who spent years fighting is suddenly expected to stop fighting. Nobody tells you what you are meant to do with all the fear that has nowhere to go anymore.
Anyway, the cottage is pretty quiet most days. For ten days, Harry and I have done almost nothing extraordinary, and somehow that feels more impossible than everything else we have survived.
We wake up. One of us makes breakfast. We argue about whether the fire needs more wood. We go outside and chop logs because apparently Harry has decided that if he chops enough wood, winter will never happen again.
I told him that we are not preparing for a siege, but he looked at the pile of wood and said (very seriously, mind you) "You never know."
Actually, maybe it isn't as quiet as I thought. Scratch that. It has the sound of Harry moving around downstairs in the morning, the smell of smoke from the fireplace, the occasional sound of him dropping something because tragically defeating Voldemort did not improve his ability to be careful with objects. The cottage has the sound of the willow tree outside my window when the wind moves through its branches.
It's a beautiful willow tree, really.
We eat dinner together every night. Usually, it's something simple like stew or leftovers. Sometimes it's something Mrs. Weasley sends. Other times it's something Harry makes, which is usually edible but only because he has somehow managed to become better at cooking through pure stubbornness.
We sleep in separate rooms. Technically. I feel like that word is important.
Because somehow, despite everything, despite me telling him he should not waste his life on me, despite me telling him he deserves something better, this house still feels like the closest thing either of us has to a home.
But this night was really scary for me.
I was sitting by the fireplace reading and Harry was standing in the doorway like always. I only looked up because I could feel him staring. When I called him out on it, he just looked off to the side awkwardly.
Then there was this really weird silence. And I truly don't know what came over Harry when he said: "Will you marry me, Y/N?"
I thought I had misheard him. For a moment, I genuinely thought my mind had just decided to make up the most ridiculous thing possible but when I looked at him, he looked completely serious.
This is stupid. I don't even know why I'm writing about such a thing. But I remember the conversation so vividly.
That fool didn't even have a ring. And before my mind could truly catch up to my mouth, I told him no. When he looked at me, I told him no again. He just stood there and I went back to reading.
I thought maybe he would leave. I had at least hoped he would understand. But five minutes passed and he was still standing there.
I looked up and him and asked, "Harry, why are you still standing there?"
"Because you said no."
"Mm."
"To marrying me."
"Yeah."
I stared at the page in front of me, but I wasn't even reading anymore. Thinking back, I probably sounded like such an idiot when I tried to say something along the lines of "I can't marry you, Harry" but it likely came out like "I... you... I can't."
The words felt heavier the longer I held them. He looked hurt. And I mean really hurt.
"I don't understand," he said.
"Harry, you deserve someone normal â no, stop, listen to me â you need someone healthy. You've seen it, I was raised in a cupboard. I want you to be with someone who wasn't tortured or who wasn't possessed by Voldemort."
Harry looked away and I hated myself because I knew I had hurt him but I didn't know how to make him understand otherwise.
How could he not see it? How could he look at me and see a future? He must be stupid. And right now, he just looked sad.
"You're nineteen years old, Harry."
"So are you almost."
"That is not the point."
"Then what is?"
At this point, I started to panic and I said "You don't know what you are doing."
"I do."
"No, you don't."
"I â Y/N â I do."
"You only think you do."
The room went silent. Does Harry think he can save me? Because, as bitter and oddly melodramatic as it sounds, I doubt I can be saved. Not like this. Not by someone who looks at me like I'm something stupidly precious when I know exactly what I am.
Harry sat down across from me and said "I know you love me." I don't think I can ever forget his tone when he said that.
Harry deserved better. That was the only thing that made sense. He deserved someone who could give him a normal life. Maybe a family in the near future if that's what he wanted.
Harry was quiet for a long time.
What was I doing? What was I thinking? Why do I want hi to be angry with me? I hate it when he looks so sad.
I think I broke something tonight.
I don't know if it was his heart or mine.
hi guys lets hold hands
anyway taglist is open for shape of tomorrow so dm me if you want to be added so you can get notified for new updates :)
how would the other adepti react to adeptus reader when they left for mondstadt and about what ever was going on with reader and lohen lol
i would assume none of them have actually met lohen and both parties probably dont even know the other exists. but based on what the adepti can gather based on your letters recentlyâŚâŚâŚ..
Your letters to Zhongli + co started out normal. Then they slowly becomeâŚ
"Vice Captain did this."
"Vice Captain said this."
"Vice Captain attempted to eat a Jueyun Chili whole."
"Vice Captain challenged a lawachurl because he looked bored."
At some point everyone collectively wonders who is "Vice Captain"
The group has unconsciously started calling him "Vice Captain." Because that's literally all you ever call him.
and if zhongli has been reading your letters at the dinner table, expect hu tao and childe to know if lohen's existence too.
Hu Tao: "So what did Vice Captain do this week?"
Ganyu: "I haven't read today's letter yet."
Xiao: "I hope he fell off something."
the oldiesâ˘ď¸talk about you too
Madame Ping: "Has Vice Captain appeared this week?"
Cloud Retainer: "One assumes Vice Captain continues making catastrophically poor decisions."
Mountain Shaper: "Has Vice Captain survived?"
Moon Carver: "Unfortunately."
and can i just remind everyone how much of a YAPPER cloud retainer is? at this point shenhe probably knows too and EVERY treasure hoarder who walks by huagaung stone forest. they get roped into lectures about adepti and mortal international relationships and get stuffed into a teapot if they doze off mid-lecture.
the progression of each letter is actually alarming because very single letter contains more "Vice Captain."
Week 1:
"Vice Captain showed me a shortcut to Cape Oath."
Week 2:
"Vice Captain fought three lawachurls simultaneously."
Week 3:
"Vice Captain consumed 6 Jueyun Chilis whole. I believe something is medically incorrect."
Week 4:
"Vice Captain challenged a lawachurl because it appeared unmotivated."
Week 5:
"Vice Captain apologized to the lawachurl afterward because it did not provide sufficient resistance."
Week 6:
"Vice Captain asked me to stab him. I declined."
Week 7:
"He asked again."
Week 8:
"He called my refusal 'mixed signals.'"
Every week Xiao hopes "perhaps this week's letter says he learned caution." No. This week's letter says "Vice Captain jumped off a cliff because the staircase was longer."
Xiao closes his eyes.
Mountain Shaper starts doing statistics because he deadass has nothing better to do.
Current averages:
Average Vice Captain mentions per letter:
8.3
Average dangerous decisions:
12
Average injuries:
unclear
madame ping is invested. she GENUINELY looks forward to the letters now and finds them funny. she gets visibly disappointed when one paragraph goes by w/o 'vice captain'
ganyu has a notebook.
mountain shaper assumes that the vice captain is some important military title. perhaps commander of mondstadt. or a general. or a national hero. surely someone recieving this much attention must be............
extremely prestigious.
moon carver invents the person in his head and imagines 50 year old. huge beard. veteran commander.
ok i actually need to lock in on 'the shape of tomorrow'
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how would lohen react if reader also had karmic dept?
(P.s I love your work and hope you have a good day/ night)
thanks for the request anon! love ya pookie have a good day/night yourself as well
assuming that reader would be a yaksha in the case they have karmic debt, lohen doesn't pretend to understand what centuries of karmic debt feels like. he also doesn't pretend it isn't real. even if you're somehow just an adeptus and not a yaksha, that wouldn't change.
warning: might be a little ooc
Lohen doesnât react the way most people do when he learns about your karmic debt. No pity. No fear.
Just: âSo itâs permanent battlefield debuff. Gotcha. Range of effect? Triggers? Can it be baited into enemies?â
You: âIt is not a weapon.â
Lohen: âEverything is a weapon if used correctly, dear Esteemed Adeptus [Name].â
He still respects it though. which is worse. because it means he took notes.
lohen is also not like "you'll be fine đ" because he knows you won't. or at least, not completely.
being from mondstadt, he was never too interested in liyuean(liyuese?? idk) history unless it gave him more insight into future expeditions. but after learning about your karmic debt, he started learning a bit more on adepti history.
Before meeting you: "Liyue has some pretty sick monsters to fight."
After learning about karmic debt: "âŚExplain everything."
He checks out every history book the Knights have.
Lisa notices.
"âŚVice Captain?"
"Yeah?"
"You've borrowed fourteen books on illuminated beasts."
"âŚResearch."
"Into?"
"[Name]."
"Excellent."
Lohen suddenly becomes the Knightsâ most dedicated library borrower. Topics include: âIlluminated beasts of Liyueâ / âAdepti physiology (not creepy, I swear)â / âHistorical karmic calamities and how badly they killed peopleâ
He has absolutely no idea how adeptal medicine works and he was a little distraught when he found out there's no physical remedies for something like karmic debt. So his attempts are⌠creative.
Brings you tea, food, spicy snacks, dried flowers, medicine Theodore insisted on including.
Makes sure you've actually eaten.
Scares away people trying to bother you.
Somehow acquires your favorite ingredients.
A tiny note saying I wasn't sure what would help. So I brought several possibilities. -Lohen
You ask him why he bothers doing all this and he responded "because you're always taking care of everyone else. someone should probably do it for you."
oh and his "fight me" gets updated.
Old Lohen: "Fight me."
New Lohen: "âŚOnly if you're feeling well... otherwise we can just⌠walk.... or something... I dunno." be patient with him pls he has a fat crush on you
lohen isnt very good at staying silent. he hates silence and always has to fill it with something. but he'll try his best. like when your karmic debt flares and your aura(??) becomes oppressive, most people step back. lohen finds you a few hours later with some gum.
"Can I sit here?"
"It will harm you."
"Not if I adjust properly." (he does not adjust properly. he just gets stronger pain tolerance and calls it adaptation.)
your karmic flare-ups confuse him less than expected. most people get uncomfortable when you go quiet and still. Lohen just sits nearby and watches the horizon like heâs on guard duty.
If anyone interrupts: âDonât.â
He later says: âNoise makes it worse, right? So I removed noise. Tell me if it gets worse. I'll handle everything else.â
his biggest frustration is that it isnt something he can fight. he fights monsters, bandits, harbingers, wild hunt. he knows where to stab them and make it hurt. but your karmic debt? you can't exactly stab it.
he hates that. he hates that it hurts you and he cant even challenge it to a proper duel. he actually once muttered to himself before "coward"(talking about your karmic flares) "wont even come outside..."
a stupid 5th company recruit says: "Aren't adepti supposed to be above things like pain?"
Lohen stares.
"..."
"...You wanna repeat that?"
"No, I just meaâ"
"You think living longer means hurting less?"
"..."
"...'Cause that's the dumbest thing I've heard all week."
Considering this is the man who once considered poisoning himself to build resistance... That is an astonishing insult.
His Love Language Is #ReducingYourWorkloadWithoutAsking
You wake up and someone already:
cleaned your weapon
sharpened it
left a plate of your favorite food on your nightstand
repaired your cloak
chased off three people looking for you
organized your paperwork
Lohen is pretending none of this happened.
"...Did you do all this?"
"Pshht, no."
"..."
"...Maybe."
"..."
"...I got bored."
The first time he witnessed one of your more intense flare ups, he expected pain. He did not expect that.
One moment you're speaking normally.
The next, your hand is gripping your own sleeve so tightly your knuckles pale.
Your breathing goes uneven.
Your expression barely changes but he notices anyway.
You suddenly freeze.
"[Name]?"
"...They're getting louder."
"What is?"
"The voices."
Silence.
"...Don't listen to them," Lohen says instinctively.
"...I know. They're my own head."
That answer stays with him for a very long time. Everyone else backs away. Because they should. The corrupted energy makes every instinct scream: Leave.
Lohen's instincts scream too. His pulse races and every hair on his arms stands up. His body recognizes danger before his brain does. But he still walks over nonetheless.
He knows he isn't immune, but he also knows he refuses to let you weather it alone.
He never says things like "You should rest." Instead he'll ask, "Can you keep going?" He hates it when people guess his limits and finds it only reasonable that you would likely hate it as well.
If you answer yes, he believes you. If you answer no, plans immediately change. No complaints. No guilt. No disappointed sigh.
Lohen finds combat to be the worst part. Every battle worsens the debt. He catches on pretty quickly when your stance grows heavier, our reactions become just a fraction slower, and every strike looks like it hurts but you keep fighting anyway.
he sometimes gets pretty furious and worked up in his head about it. Not at you. no, never at you. At the ancient gods. At fate. At whatever decided that someone who spends their life protecting people should carry centuries of hatred that wasn't even theirs.
your karmic debt especially makes the hallucinations REALLY bad. Sometimes you answer questions nobody asked. Sometimes you suddenly look over your shoulder. Sometimes you stop walking entirely because you heard someone calling your name even though nobody did.
Lohen'll actually actually walk over and look around, later coming back and promising "Nothing there." Arguing with hallucinations has never helped anyone but grounding you does.
If the voices get louder, he notices and uses his unprecedented talent of redirecting your thoughts.
Without warning he'll say "So... do Ruin Guards have knees?"
"...What?"
"They kneel and fall over eventually. You should've seen when I beat one with some crayons I traded Klee for."
You stare.
The voices lose their grip for just a second.
Mission accomplished.
On bad days he doesn't touch you immediately without asking. Sometimes the answer is yes. Sometimes no. Sometimes later in the relationship/friendship "...Stay close."
Without another word he sits beside you. Close enough that you know he hasn't left while also far enough that you're comfortable.
But he respects the danger of staying close by. He read about testimonies where karmic debt seeped into the environment, mutating monsters and driving ordinary mortals into a berserker state.
If your karmic debt begins leaking into the surroundings, he's already moving civilians away and keeping monsters from wandering closer. He knows you'd feel guilty if anyone got hurt.
Lohen knows he can't carry your karmic debt.
He can't split it.
He can't cure it.
He can't even truly understand it.
Yes, it irritates him to no end.
But there is one thing he can do.
He can make sure you never have to endure it completely alone. So whenever one of your flare-ups begins, there is a decent chance you'll eventually hear footsteps.
Then his familiar voice.
"...Mind if I sit?"
"...You may."
"Cool."
"..."
"I brought gum again."
"..."
"I remembered you liked the mint one this time."
Whenever the debt convinces you you're becoming dangerous, whenever you apologize for keeping your distance, whenever you worry you'll eventually lose yourself, he answers the same way every time.
"Then I'll stay close enough to remind you who you are. And if one day you can't remember..."
He smiles.
A small one.
"I've got a good memory. I'll remember enough for both of us."
omg ew pls excuse how i wrote this. maybe i'll go back and edit some things later. but i'll be away for quite some time and i wanted to at least get this request out before i go. and while i hate prioritizing quantity over quality, i feel bad letting this ask rot in my inbox for a whole week
lohen x adeptus reader who uses poison (like shinobu fromm kny) AND THEN MY LIFE IS YOURS
oh YO IMAGINE THE SPARS - BOTH OF YOU TRYING TO POISON EACH OTHER LMFAO
Lohen meets you and immediately thinks Mondstadt has been secretly hiring final bosses from Liyue. You say âhelloâ once and somehow the air pressure changes.
Lohen THRIVES on trying to get stronger. And what better way to get stronger than to par himself with an adeptus from Liyue?
He tries to ask you for a spar every 3 days. You reject all of them. Reason given: "I do not wish to accidentally kill you." And he IMMEDIATELY follows it up with "but i think it'll be neat."
Rejected.
His first time seeing you in action, Lohen deadass stared into the distance for 5 whole minutes afterwards. he nearly cried.
Lohen: "that was beautiful."
His subordinates: "Vice Captain, they just killed six mitachurls."
The poison parts fascinates him. "Poison? Paralyzes enemies? Brilliant. Can I borrow some? How deep does the stab need to go? What angle? How much force? Would this work against armored opponents? What if the enemy is taller? What if they're six feet? What if they're seven feet? What if they're Varka?"
he ADORES the ruthlessness of your fighting style. every thrust his poisoned? SIGN HIM UP.
The Fifth Company Has One Collective Goal: Keep Vice Captain Lohen alive.
This becomes significantly harder whenever you're nearby. Not because you'd hurt him. Because Lohen immediately says: "Hey. Fight me." (jean is so tired)
Fifth Company Knight: "âŚSir, we have paperwork."
Lohen: "Later."
Knight: "âŚLunch?"
Lohen: "Later."
Knight: "âŚSleep?"
Lohen: "Later."
Knight: "âŚAdeptus [Name] walked by."
Lohen: "NOW."
Every time he sees you, his eyes light up like it's his birthday. Every time you see him, you walk in the opposite direction.
Attempt #1
Lohen: "Esteemed Adeptus [Name]! Duel?"
You: "âŚNo."
Walks away.
End of interaction.
Attempt #17
He dramatically plants his spear in front of you, saying "Surely today's the day."
You simplyâŚwalk around the spear.
Attempt #38
He tries psychology. "If you defeat me, I'll stop asking."
You pause.
Lohen smiles.
"âŚNo."
You keep walking.
He just watches you leave.
"âŚThat almost worked."
It absolutely did not.
Attempt #62
He leaves a handwritten invitation.
Dear Esteemed Adeptus [Name],
Please fight me.
Sincerely,
Lohen
The reply arrives the next day.
No.
â[Name]
Lohen has a notebook on this btw. It is literally titled:
Methods To Convince Esteemed Adeptus [Name] To Fight Me
Inside:
Ask politely.
Ask less politely.
Offer food.
Compliment their spear technique.
Challenge their honor.
Fake dramatic entrance.
Real dramatic entrance.
Surprise duel.
Scheduled duel.
Holiday duel.
Birthday duel.
"Please?"
"Pretty please?"
"Pretty please with Jueyun Chilis?"
Every single one has:
â Failed.
Sucrose wants to conduct research on this dynamic.
Hypothesis: "How durable is Vice Captain Lohen?"
You: "Please don't encourage him."
Lohen: "Please encourage me."
Varka finds this hilarious
"Still chasing that Liyue adeptus?"
"âŚYes."
"Progress?"
"âŚThey accepted tea once."
"âŚKid, that's not progress. Why are you trying to stab them?"
"I'm trying to get stabbed first."
He keeps asking for demonstrations.
Lohen: "Can you show me that stab again?"
You: "No."
Lohen: "Please?"
You: "No."
Lohen:"...What if I stand very still?"
You: "I don't think you're understanding me."
Theodore once overheard him asking you.
T: "... Lohen, they're saying no because they likes you alive."
Lohen misunderstands completely.
L: "So...there's a chance?"
T: "THAT IS THE OPPOSITE OF WHAT I SAID."
Theodore thinks you're both enormous weirdos.
Lohen is ridiculously toxin resistant. You have spent nine centuries inventing poisons specifically designed to kill monsters.
Which meansâŚ
You poison him and it works for approximately 3 seconds.
"âŚHm."
"What?"
"You're still conscious."
"Yeah."
"Fascinating."
Lohen has never looked prouder.
Eventually this becomes a scientific partnership. Or at least, that's what you insist it is.
"I require a test subject in two days time."
"Me."
"You haven't heard the poison yet, Vice Captain."
"Still me. Let's go. Now."
"The antidote isn't finished."
"I believe in you, my dear."
Your own notebook starts looking increasingly ridiculous.
Test #41
Subject survived.
Test #56
Subject requested stronger dose.
Test #73
Subject smiled.
Test #74
Subject asked if there was "one that hurts more."
There is something fundamentally wrong with this knight."
You once said things like "A slash is unnecessary." or "If the poison functions correctly, there should not be a second strike." or "Missing is inefficient."
Lohen now thinks about these sentences constantly. His greatest dream is "one spar. just one. I promise I'll behave."
You don't even realize you're humbling him sometimes. Venti pointed out that you used Lohen as a projectile once.
This was a reward to him somehow.
Normal person: "I got completely outclassed đ"
Lohen: "I GOT COMPLETELY OUTCLASSED BY AN ADEPTUS. IT WAS AMAZING. :D"
The other adepti hear from your letters and are now very confused. Granted, the letter you sent Zhongli was about a conversation you had with Lohen that went a little something like this:
Lohen: "You're incredible."
You: "âŚThank you."
Lohen: "I'd trust you with my life."
You: "That seems irresponsible."
Lohen: "No, I mean it."
You: "I would prefer if you remained alive."
Lohen: "âŚ"
You: "âŚ"
Lohen: "âŚAdeptus [Name], you're making this difficult."
Eventually you start keeping tabs on him. One day he disappears and no one can find him. Varka asks you. You look toward a random mountain in the distance and say "he's over there." "how do you know?" "that's where the strongest monsters are." and sure enough, they find him exactly where you said.
Eventually everyone notices he says "Esteemed Adeptus [Name]" with the same excitement a child says "LOOK WHAT I FOUND!"
"Esteemed Adeptus [Name]."
"Esteemed Adeptus [Name], look."
"Esteemed Adeptus [Name], stab this."
"Esteemed Adeptus [Name], hypothetical question."
"Esteemed Adeptus [Name], can poison expire?"
Everyone assumes Lohen likes fighting you because you're strong, but you notice something else.
You never have to wonder what Lohen is thinking.
If you're stronger, he says you're stronger.
If you win, he says you won.
If you embarrass him, he laughs.
There are no hidden expectations.
No worship.
No careful reverence.
No pedestal.
Just:
"That was awesome."
"Thank you."
"...Again?"
"No."
mind you, lohen is like 23 or something. you are thousands of years old. lohen hears this information and his immediate response is "So they've got thousand years more combat experience......... excellent."
One Day... Maybe
Lohen: "So... Fight?"
You quietly look at him. Look at Varka. Look at Jean. Look back at Lohen.
"...Perhaps..."
Lohen's eyes light up.
"...when you have another thousand years of practice."
Lohen immediately starts counting on his fingers.
"I can work with that."
But honestly, he's weirdly respectful around you despite being.... well.... Lohen. He's incredibly polite outside of combat/sparring relateed things.
Always "Esteemed Adeptus [Name]." Never interrupts you while you're speaking. Always waits for your answer. Opens doors for you if you happen to be behind him.
The problem isâŚ
He's also incredibly loud.
"GOOD MORNING, ESTEEMED ADEPTUS [NAME]."
"âŚGood morning."
He likes listening to your stories. like just
"âŚOne time, GuizhongâŚ"
"âŚ"
"âŚAnother time, Streetward RamblerâŚ"
"âŚ"
"âŚWhen Xiao was youngerâŚ"
Lohen is sitting there like a little kid at story time.
He never notices that half the room has gone completely silent because everyone else is also listening.
you two bond over being bad at small talk. his brain kinda stops working around your medical knowledge.
you think he's surprisingly easy to read. while everyone is wondering what vice captain lohen is thinking, you can tell he's hungry because he's been staring at jueyun chilis for the past 4 minutes.
you like that he's quite comfortable. not because he's quiet. because he isn't. but because lohen never tiptoes around you nor does he treat you like osme untouchable ancient adeptus nor does he bow every five seconds.
For someone who spent centuries trapped on a pedestal by other people's expectationsâŚ
Being treated likeâŚ
wellâŚ
just [Name]âŚ
is strangely refreshing.
you'd never admit it aloud but when you visit Mondstadt and hear an excited voice somewhere in the distance yelling,
"Ah! Esteemed Adeptus [Name], lovely day, isn't it? Would you like to-"
you already know exactly who it is and without even realizing it, you start walking toward the sound.
please fix him because jean is SICK of hearing him saying "i think esteemed adeptus [name] could stab through my armor and i'd thank them"
the thing we first need to get straight about lohen is that man has absolutely no sense of self preservation when it actually matters (probably pre story quest)
he'll walk into monster-infested ruins. Alone. Smiling. Gets stabbed. "...Huh." Pulls the spear out. Keeps fighting.
Medics: "CAN YOU STOP DOING THAT."
"Doing what?"
the 5th company was WORRIED for you when you started dating. because the lohen that THEY know once walked into a morning briefing like
you fell in love with the man who voluntarily exposed himself to concentrated dandelion pollen so he'd stop being allergic and now misses the side effects.
the confession was.. weird.
he tried to give you poisoned flowers and you never knew it was from him
eventually he had to outright say "i'm trying to court you"
When he asked you out, it was somehow even less romantic.
"You make surviving the day more enjoyable."
"...Is that your version of 'I like you?'"
"...Yes."
"...I'll take it."
bro is literally a golden retriever trapped inside a battlefield gremlin
The Knights expected him to become softer after dating. They were... technically correct.
Around you.
Everyone else? Still a menace.
Five minutes after lovingly holding your hand... He's hiding in a tree waiting to ambush Varka with a net.
Emotional range:
đ You.
đ Varka.
he's surprisingly clingy. not dramatically. just.. always touching you somehow.
Holds your hand absentmindedly.
Hooks a finger through your belt loop if you're walking through crowded streets.
Rests his forehead against yours while thinking.
Wraps an arm around your shoulders without realizing he's done it.
If you're sitting beside himâŚ
Congratulations.
You're now an armrest.
his love language is "i kept you alive. now kiss me"
brings you food because you forgot to eat.
repairs things before you notice they're broken.
walks on the side closest to traffic.
quietly checks exits every time you enter a building.
memorizes your routine.
Not because he doesn't trust you.
Because he wants to know where to find you if something goes wrong.
If you're injured?
He appears.
Nobody knows where he came from.
You barely finish saying:
"I think I scraped myâ"
He's already wrapping the bandage.
his version of romance is "i found a really dangerous cave.... wanna go together?"
He genuinely thinks this is an excellent date.
Other ideas include:
hunting a lawachurl.
climbing Dragonspine.
investigating suspicious ruins
monster tracking.
"walking" (ends up covering twenty kilometers).
Candlelit dinner?
Sure.
As long as there's a monster nest afterward.
absolutely SHAMELESS eye contact. his sense of humor never improves either.
He already studies everyone.
His partner?
Even more.
You look up.
He's looking at you.
"...What?"
"Nothing."
"...Then why are you staring?"
"You smiled."
"..."
"...I wanted to see it again."
He says things like this with complete sincerity. Then goes back to casually sharpening a spear.
he's weirdly domestic (sometimes. only with you). he (SOMETIMES) loves helping with chores and claims it's "efficient"
Ends up making everything into a competition.
"Whoever folds laundry slower washes dishes."
"...Why?"
"Motivation."
Cooking together?
He follows recipes...
Exactly once.
Then starts experimenting.
"...Lohen."
"What?"
"...Why is there Jueyun Chilis from Liyue in the pancakes?"
"...Curiosity."
He trusts you.
Completely.
If you say: "I've got this."
He believes you.
Doesn't jump in unless you actually need help.
But if someone genuinely threatens you?
The smile disappears.
Immediately.
Even the other Knights suddenly become interested in something else.
He doesn't realize half the things he does are romantic.
Casually tucks your hair behind your ear while talking.
Brings you flowers because "they reminded me of your eyes."
Falls asleep with his hand still holding yours.
Remembers every tiny thing you casually mention.
Then acts confused when everyone calls him smooth.
"I just... paid attention."
his gifts alternate between a pretty flower, a rare ore, monster claws, handmade crossbow, expensive tea, incredibly toxic poison.
you eventually learn how ot be immune to his chaos
Everyone else: "WHERE DID LOHEN GO?!"
You: "...Ceiling."
Everyone: "..."
Lohen, upside down in the rafters: "...How'd you know?"
You: "You always hide there."
Lohen: "You're so hot."
the 5th comany ships it so hard
his gifts are concerningly thoughtful
Normal people buy jewelry.
Lohen buys:
reinforced gloves
custom daggers
emergency medical kits
waterproof cloaks
specialized camping equipment
Then one day...
He quietly hands you a tiny carved wooden animal.
"...You made this?"
"Mhm."
"...When?"
"Couldn't sleep."
It's a perfect little carving.
You treasure it forever.
He pretends not to notice.
his pain tolerance is offensive. you asked him to rate his pain. he says 3. his arm is currently broken btw.
lohen usually sleeps like someone who's spent years in the field.
Very lightly.
One weird noise?
Eyes open immediately.
But if you're sleeping against him...
He relaxes.
More deeply than anyone has ever seen.
The Fifth Company notices he actually looks rested now.
One knight whispers:
"...They're good for him."
Another whispers back:
"...Don't tell him that."
varka's favorite hobby is watching you two be accidentally romantic in public.
lohen doesn't always say "i love you constantly". he says it. just differently.
"Tell me when you get back."
"Eat before you leave."
"I've already sharpened your weapon."
"Walk behind me here."
"Take my coat."
"You're tired."
And, perhaps his favorite:
"I've got you."
Matter-of-fact.
Completely unquestionable.
Because if Lohen says he's got you...
Then as far as he's concerned, the whole world would have to get through him first.
--
pls help me i'm falling down such a big rabbit hole for this man
HAHAH GET IT
GET IT
RABBIT
BECAUSE HIS CONSTELLATION IS
he'll announce (quite confidently, mind you) that he has organized a perfect date
ok yes cute great
but then the date somehow becomes:
getting lost,
finding a random apple tree,
listening to him tell a story about a squirrel he met three years ago,
and ending with him asking if YOU remembered what the original plan was.
He never remembers the original plan.
You eventually learn that "trust me" means absolutely nothing.
The alarming part is that everything somehow works out anyway.
he sometimes appears next to you with 0 warning. one second youre alone, the next second "good morning, my love!"
he was apparently sitting in the tree above you for 20 minutes.
He doesn't understand why normal people find this startling.
Sometimes he just materializes beside you holding half an apple and continues a conversation you had ~2 days ago.
you become a victim of spontanous music. every minor inconvenience receives a custom song (dropping a spoon, tripping, burning toast, sneezing). unfortunately theyre ALL catchy.
the wind snitches on you. you cannot hide ANYTHING.
he loves giving you gifts but theyre SO unpredictable. one day he gives you a beautiful flower crown. the next day he gives you:
a cool-looking rock,
a feather,
an apple he claims "had excellent vibes,"
and a leaf shaped vaguely(?) like a bird.
he also loves walking around monstadt with you. except walking through mondstadt with venti takes twice as long. because every 10 feet:
someone recognizes him,
someone owes him mora,
he owes someone mora,
someone asks him to perform,
or someone reminds him he is banned from somewhere (probs diluc from angel's share)
you become his emotional support person. venti jokes constantly, which means the rare moments when he's quiet and solemn are immediately noticable.
sometimes he'll stop in the middle of talking and just stare at the sky.
those moments tend to be when he actually wants company. yk just sitting beside him and not really saying anything. he never explicitly asks for it so he's always SO grateful when you stay anyway.
his definition of a walk is concerning. you suggest "let's take a walk!" venti suggests "what if we let the wind decide?" -> this is howyou end up 3 regions away from where you started. he calls this an adventure but dahlia calls it getting lost.
and yet, the most dangerous thing about him isn't even that he's powerful. or that he's ancient. or even that he's suspiciously good at talking his way out of consequences.
but it's that he remembers such tiny seemingly miniscule details. like the first flower bloom you pointed out months ago. your favorite weather. a story you once told and forgot about. a random snack you mentioned liking at good hunter. then 6 months later he'll casually bring it up.
Harry is the kind of boyfriend who automatically starts carrying things without being asked. Not in a macho way.
More in a:
"Why are you holding three books and a pumpkin juice? Here."
Five minutes later he's carrying everything and has no memory of how it happened. He absolutely folds blankets while talking. If he's sitting somewhere and notices a blanket is twisted, he'll absentmindedly fix it. One time you asked why.
Harry genuinely stared at you and went:
"Because it's annoying."
James Potter raised a tiny old man.
he's embarrassingly easy to fluster
Harry Potter looks like he'd be smooth. Harry Potter is not smooth. At all.
You kissed his cheek once. He forgot what sentence he was saying halfway through. Complete system crash. Brain gone. Blue screen of death.
Ron had to finish the conversation.
he's not naturally poetic. he isn't giving dramatic speeches. he isn't writing sonnets. his version of romance is "u looked tired so i brought food"
he has spent 16 years managing jonathan. it SHOWS. he carries spare tissues. spare bandages. spare chocolate. spare everything.
you once got a papercut. harry produced a bandage so quickly it looked rehearsed.
he accidentally acts married
Harry doesn't mean to. He genuinely doesn't. But he does.
Examples:
Saves seats.
Remembers schedules.
Packs snacks.
Knows where you left things.
Reminds you about assignments.
Checks whether you've eaten.
Carries hair ties around his wrist because you keep losing them.
The problem is that Harry thinks all of this is normal.
he secretly likes being needed
Not dependency.
Needed.
Difference.
Harry likes feeling useful.
Likes knowing he matters.
Likes being chosen.
If you ask him for help with something you could absolutely do yourself?
He will be delighted.
Not because he thinks you're incapable but because you specifically picked him.
his sleeping habits are terrible.
He falls asleep literally anywhere. Armchairs. Sofas. Common room floors. Library tables. Against trees. Against walls. Against you. Once he fell asleep during a study session. Woke up forty minutes later.
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I have heard those four words so many times in the last three days that they no longer sound like real words.
The war is over.
The war is over.
The war is over.
People keep saying it softly, as though they are speaking to frightened animals. They say it in corridors and in the Great Hall and outside the hospital wing. They say it while crying. They say it while hugging each other. They say it while looking at the bodies.
The war is over.
And I think perhaps something is wrong with me because I keep wanting to ask:
Which part?
The part where Fred Weasley is dead?
The part where Remus Lupin is dead?
The part where Nymphadora Lupin is dead?
The part where Colin Creevey is dead?
The part where so many people died that I stopped being able to count them?
Or the part where Voldemort is dead?
Because one of those things happened. I'm not entirely convinced the other did. I woke up in the hospital wing three mornings ago.
At least I think it was morning.
The curtains were open, and sunlight was pouring through the windows in thick golden beams. Dust floated lazily through the air. Somewhere nearby, someone was crying.
At first, I thought I was still in the forest. I remember lying on the ground. I remember Hagrid crying. I remember thinking that it hurt to breathe. I remember the strange, awful peace of believing it was over.
Then I opened my eyes and saw the hospital wing ceiling.
For a long time, I simply stared at it.
I knew that ceiling.
I had spent enough time in this room over the years to recognize every crack.
I knew the fourth bed from the left squeaked whenever someone sat down too quickly.
I knew the cabinet near Madam Pomfrey's office had a broken handle.
I knew the way sunlight looked in this room.
I knew this place.
And I remember thinking:
Oh.
I didn't die.
I am still here.
I am not entirely sure what I felt about that and yet, I left the hospital wing the next day.
Hogwarts does not look like Hogwarts anymore. There are walls missing. Entire corridors are gone. Stone litters the floors. Windows have been shattered. Statues lie broken. Portraits have been ripped apart. There are scorch marks everywhere.
Everything smells faintly of smoke.
I stood in the Entrance Hall for a long time. I kept expecting someone to tell me it was temporary.
Surely, this wasn't really Hogwarts?
The funerals started today.
I did not know there could be so many.
The Great Hall has become something else entirely.
No House tables.
No banners.
Instead there are flowers.
Candles.
Rows and rows of chairs.
Too many chairs.
I remember Mrs. Weasley crying.
I remember George staring straight ahead and not moving.
I remember Ginny holding Jonathan's hand so tightly that her knuckles turned white.
I remember Professor McGonagall crying openly.
Then I looked at Harry, who was staring at the front of the Hall.
I followed his gaze.
Remus.
Tonks.
Remus had taught me to cast a Patronus.
He had made tea after lessons.
He had smiled at me in corridors.
Tonks once dyed her hair blue because I said I liked the colour.
Now they were dead.
Both of them.
Together.
I wondered if Harry was thinking the same thing I was.
That Teddy Lupin would never know them.
That his parents had died saving a world he would not remember.
I wanted to say something.
I didn't know what.
"Harry?" I eventually said.
He looked at me and I forgot what I had intended to say.
"Y/N?"
I looked at him. Then I said the only thing I could think of.
"I'm glad you're alive."
His face changed. He blinked. Then he smiled.
A very small smile.
"I'm glad you're alive too."
Then neither of us spoke for a long time.
I think there are some things grief makes impossible to say.
Or perhaps unnecessary.
I know this makes me a coward.
I think I can live with that.
For now.
The Potters asked me to stay with them first.
It was Lily who said it.
I remember her hands. I remember how careful she was with her voice, like she was afraid I might break if she spoke too loudly.
âY/N⌠you can come with us. You donât have to be alone.â
And I remember thinkingâ
I am always alone.
Even when I am not alone.
James stood behind her, trying to look steady. He wasnât. None of them were. Not really. Thereâs something strange about seeing adults who are supposed to be unshakeable suddenly look like they are made of paper.
I said no.
I couldnât stand the idea of being one more thing they had to carry while they were already breaking.
The Weasleys asked too.
Molly hugged me so tightly I couldnât breathe properly and I didnât even care. She kept saying I could come home with them, like home was something you could just be handed after everything.
Arthur just looked at me like he understood too much.
Ron didnât say much. George and Percy didnât either. Ginny just watched me. I said no to them too.
Because I donât belong in anyoneâs house when the world is still bleeding.
So I stood there afterward with nowhere to go.
It should be simple. You either have somewhere or you donât.
But apparently there is a third category, which is: you survived a war and now you are just⌠here.
Harry disappeared for several days after that.
No one knew where he went.
People tried to find him, of course. People always try to find Harry when he disappears like that, like the world has decided he is something it cannot afford to lose even for a moment. But he was just gone.
I didnât think much of it at first.
I thought maybe that was just what people did after surviving something like this. They vanish for a while. They break in private. Harry always seemed like that type of person.
I did not, however, expect him to come back covered in dirt and splinters.
He looked like he had been built out of exhaustion and stubbornness alone. He grabbed my shoulder and guided me into some sort of obscured forest.
He just said, very quietly, âI thought maybe⌠if you wanted somewhere quiet.â
And then he stepped aside.
A cottage?
It wasnât grand. It wasnât impressive. It didnât look like anything magical at first glance. Just stone, wood, a chimney, a roof. Moss and ivy climbed up its walls. But there was a willow tree beside the cottage.
Harry didnât look at me when he said, âItâs not much. I didnât really⌠I just thoughtââ
He stopped.
He always stops like that when he thinks heâs said too much.
I remember walking toward it slowly. My hands were still shaking from everything else, from funerals and ashes and names being read aloud like they were nothing more than ink on parchment.
The fireplace inside was already set up. The rooms were small. Simple. There was nothing decorative about it, nothing unnecessary. Just warmth and structure and something that felt like it had been built by someone who didnât know how to ask questions but knew how to stay.
Harry stood in the doorway.
âI thought maybe youâd want somewhere quiet,â he said again. âSomewhere no one wouldââ
He didnât finish that sentence either.
I didnât know what to say.
What does one even say in a situation such as this?
So I said the only honest thing I had left.
âI donât know why you did this.â
And he looked at me then and said, âNeither do I.â
That should have been the end of it.
Harry is outside chopping wood like he is trying to split the entire world into something manageable.
synopsis: grief tastes like tea and whiskey and woodsmoke. love looks like a cottage with the lights left on.
--
In the weeks following the Battle of Hogwarts, Y/N L/Nâthe Girl Who Lived, the Chosen One, and the savior of the wizarding worldâdiscovers that surviving is much harder than dying.
She has no home. No plans for the future. No idea what to do with the kindness everyone keeps offering her.
Especially not Harry Potter's.
Because Harry does something completely unreasonable:
He builds her a cottage.
And then spends the next eight months loving her with a patience she cannot understand.
--
things to know before reading:
stems off from my wattpad fic iterations
Y/N is the Girl Who Lived
y/n's mom, M/N, was a gryffindor and is a marauder. y/n's father, F/N, was a slytherin. they both died on 31 october 1981
remus is harry's godfather
harry has a younger brother named jonathan (ravenclaw) and he is in the same year as ginny
sirius is y/n's' godfather
Harry Potter is not the Chosen One/Boy Who Lived and has nothing to do with the prophecy. He grew up as a normal wizard with his parents James/Lily Potter, younger brother Jonathan, and his and Jonathan's godfather Remus Lupin who also lives with the Potters @ Godricâs Hollow. Everything that happened to Harry in canon now happens to Y/N instead.
DEALS WITH HEAVY THEMES LIKE ALCOHOL ABUSE (and recovery), PTSD, survivors guilt. PLEASE PROCEED WITH CAUTION
--
chapters
may 28, 1998
june 8, 1998
june 10, 1998
july 18, 1998
august 4, 1998
august 29, 1998
september 14, 1998
september 30, 1998
october 31, 1998
november 16, 1998
november 30, 1998
december 21, 1998
january 3, 1999
january 26, 1999
february 12, 1999
epilogue.
--
taglist is open! dm me if you want to be added to added!
headcanons
what it's like dating venti
what it's like dating lohen
lohen x adeptus reader who uses poison part 2 where reader has karmic debt part 3 adepti's reactions
