— 𝐉𝐎𝐊𝐄𝐑

“I wasn’t sure what the boundaries were. You know how quickly things can shift, I just wanted to be respectful. Which one you want? The hug? The hello? A nice kiss?” 

‘All three. Plant one on me, big guy. Let’s remind the world who the real Big Brother soulmates are.’

“Have they stolen your other jacket?”

In The Trunk, right?              Total classic.

Exactly that one! Not as good as Ridin’ Dirty, but still a catchy tune nonetheless. 

Still missed me? 

No. I’d like to change my previous answer. 

I am fucking useless with technology so I always miss what is going on. But I have heard a lot of chat bout it within the house. It’s grand ta see happy couple. Well I know ya a trend setter now, and I’ll make sure ta shout it from the roof tops.

A happy couple. A surprisingly rare find here on Big Brother. Or at least, it used to be. Those gossip blogs used to shit-stir twenty-four seven. There was always someone yelling at someone. They seem to be a little kinder now.         Or maybe people just got better at co-existing. I dunno. Either way, it’s nice to see some things have changed. Always better to make love, not war. I am! I am a trendsetter. Hopefully theirs will be more successful than mine. 

The worst member? Come on now, you really mean the best member. How’s it going?

I would argue, but. You’re Doctor Who. Nobody should ever agree with Doctor Who. If you say Dougie is the best then it obviously has to be true.         It’s going good! I’m.. half-excited to be back. Half-nervous. This place has definitely changed a lot since I was last here. Well, actually. I’ve never been here. This is a whole new house.

Of course I’m thinking of something with spoons! Good to hear you’re doing good, buddy. You look really well!

Good to know we’re still on the same wave-length. Us originals have gotta stick together.          Oh, stop, you big flirt. Thanks, mate. I am well. Probably the best I’ve been in years. 

Why change hiding behind jokes is the best way to deal with anxiety at least I think so. 

And that’s one of the many reasons we get along so well. 

Looks like I know what I’m stocking up on, on my next shop.

So thoughtful. Be still my heart.

Miranda’s eyes widened at his nervous laugh until she looked up to see what was so funny. “Ohhhh” she chuckled, smirking as she looked back at him. “If this isn’t an ice breaker, I don’t know what is! Just keep your tongue to yourself, I make people buy me dinner before I let that happen.” She gave him a playful little wink to let him know she was just messing with him. “You’re fine, get over here.” Miranda grabbed him by the shirt and pullled him closer to her, eyeing him up and down as he spoke. “What Severide doesn’t know won’t hurt him,” she whispered before pressing her lips to his.

‘My..          My tongue?’ Brows raised higher than they already were. Dougie had never been good at this. By this, he meant interacting with women. Or men. Interactions in general. He was a walking-talking, bumbling ball of anxiety. Nine times out of ten, he could hide that behind questionably-bad humour, but in times like these, when a beautiful woman was standing close and mistletoe was hanging above their heads, the jokes could be a little harder to find. ‘Right. No tongue. Gotcha. Sounds like pretty standard rules for a mistletoe kiss.’ Maybe not everyone else had been as considerate. Feet shuffled forward as Miranda pulled him closer and laughter soon fell silent as their lips locked, returning the kiss while continuously repeating no tongue, no tongue in his head like a mantra. 

So… anybody wanna show me where to park my trunk?

..           Maybe this is showing my age, but I suddenly have Chamillionaire running through my head. Thanks for that.

If anyone wants some soup, I found a couple cans in my suitcase that my mother snuck in while I was home for the holidays. I’m almost 30 and she is still trying to get me to take soup and ramen home with me after visiting. I’m a bit surprised she wasn’t more upfront of about it like she usually is. 

At least I have something to offer people in lieu of an introduction - I’m Charles and at least it wasn’t tomato soup because tomato soup in a can is gross. 

Can I borrow your Mum too? She sounds much more generous than mine. Mine just posts embarrassing baby photos of me on Instagram every chance she gets.           Hi, Charles. I’m Dougie. Or, if you now follow my Mum’s Instagram which I highly suspect many will after I made such a declaration on national television, you’ll see I’m also known as Dugs. Some people shorten it to Doug too, but that makes me feel a little like the dog from Up. I actually don’t mind tomato soup in a can. That’s probably the old rocker in me though. We used to live off the stuff on the McFly tour bus, mostly ‘cause it’s the only thing any of us could prepare without causing a fire. 

Uh huh… and what’s in that suitcase other than stinky socks and band tees? It’d be cruel not to tell me know, Doug. It is my birthday after all, you can’t deny me the truth on my big day.

I can now. You doubted me. Doubters don’t deserve presents. 

Aye she’s still here, getting married now ta 

That part I did hear about. There was a time when the whole world was talking about Hermione Granger’s big love affair with The Punisher. I’m talking newspaper headlines, magazine headlines. Tweets. Instagram stories. The whole shebang.           Y’know, I started that trend. Getting married on Big Brother. Not a lot of people remember, but I was the first. 

Cara smirked against his lips as he spoke, it was true it was a pretty unexpected turn of events. Once she’d been pretty close to Ellie when her and Dougie had been together. But she’d lost her respect for the other woman, cheating really wasn’t something she approved of. Since then her friendship with Dougie had become something she treasured. She would count him as one of her best friends, so kissing him was something easy to decide. “Life is full of surprises.”

Surprise was definitely one word to describe it.          What’s even more surprising though, is how natural it felt. Probably because they’ve been friends for so long. Dougie didn’t feel comfortable around many people. He might come across as a loud, obnoxious goofball, but the truth was, he had a lot of insecurities and anxieties buried underneath all that laughter. Some brought on by Ellie, some brought on by his failed marriage. Some that have been there since before he can remember. Cara though, he felt comfortable around Cara. Hard not to, when she was his best friend. Maybe that’s why he lingers perhaps a little longer than a mistletoe peck is supposed to linger, hands lifting to cup her cheeks. Who can blame him? It’s been a while since he kissed anyone, if he’s honest. And Cara wasn’t just his best friend, she was also gorgeous. 

You haven’t changed a bit 

It’s hard to change a lifetime of hiding crippling anxieties behind bad puns and even worse jokes.