the sound in my head

We were fucking minutes from a relapse yall.

Sometimes the worst part of self harm is the itchy healing stage.

being a thirty something/closer to forty grown ass adult struggling with wanting to hurt themselves because their feeling are so big and painful in so fucking embarrassing.

Definitely a red flag that all i can think about this morning is hurting myself.

Idk what demons im fighting or why but the alcohol and weed tastes so good tonight

What does freedom feel like

I wonder how good it feels to self harm while high.

Love having to clear my throat a few times when I join a call so it doesnt sound like i was fighting for my life right before the meeting.

Clawing my way through the day and trying not to relapse.

I googled which bridge is the tallest in the city I live in. If that indicates where my brain is right now.

Relapsed again. Just like I did a year ago today. I find that entertaining and oddly comforting.