Being a trans woman myself, I find it hard to understand trans women who are capable of saying things like "I hate men." And believing it. I spent the first 16 years of my life as a man, and have tended towards friendships and communities with men. There is no true dividing line between me and a man that allows me the cognitive dissonance to otherise them as non-people. That is not me misgendering myself, it is just a statement of reality. I'm butch. I don't pass. I am treated as a man in most of my interactions with strangers. In many ways I would consider myself to have male privilege.
The ways I see other trans women rationalise a material disconnect between us and cis men in our brains, mentalities, formative experiences, largely fall into two categories: literal magical thinking, that such a thing exists as a male and a female soul and that trans women are female souls born in AMAB bodies, or a discussion of upbringing and socialisation.
Now, 'Socialised male' is an ugly talking point I associate with TERFs trying to downplay the existence of transmisogyny. Of course most trans women do not experience male privilege simply because of certain aspects of their childhood and upbringing. However, I cannot help but acknowledge certain qualities I had as a teen and young adult I have had to contend with. I was absolutely a misogynist as a teen, and engaged in behaviour that today would be called incel-ish.
In spite of this I would say that most of my childhood was otherisation in a way I look back on in retrospect as degendering. My life was a contradiction, since my biology had me forcibly grouped in with boys, but my external characteristics had me continually bullied as effeminate. I was outcast by either group. I did not know what I was, as no one could tell me.
Now this is certainly a classic story that I'm sure most trans women relate to, but I don't believe it is one unique to us. One that we have a monopoly on. I knew disabled or autistic boys who went through everything I did but worse. Other boys who would grow up to find they were some form of queer. Non-white boys. Poor boys (Not that any of us were rich, but some were certainly poorer than others.) Simply any boy who broke the norm in some way. I will never hate men because men are not a monolith. There is no trait universally shared by men besides the arbitrarily applied social label of "Man", which I myself share in many aspects. I would certainly say there is a particular type of man I dislike, but it is one difficult to define beyond saying "Misogynistic and otherwise privileged."
I do not hate men and neither should you.
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