Nefarious Purposes(tm)

All true. All witnessed. No regrets.

Respected professor shakes fist at mountain and dares it to erupt

17 inappropriate ways to wear a hi-vis vest

Everything is 20% muscovite

The double-backwards hammer flip

Putting a fawn in a backpack and carrying it round all day

Food tastes of dirt because too much actual dirt in mouth

Spontaneous outdoors group nudity with sheep skulls to protect modesty

Reversing sheep out of canyons

Doing makeup in the mirror on your compass

Bandaging an arterial bleed with a handkerchief

If I can take it up a 4wd track, then it must be a 4wd!

Puppies ate my rockhammer and the house-cow ate my bra

Where’s [phd student]? *everyone just silently points up*

Killing a stoat with a rockhammer in front of fifteen second years and scarring them for life

Transit van mosh pits

“Why are you yelling? I burned my pubes, isn’t that punishment enough?”

The underwater naked strike and dip

Tent flooding ending in six people sharing one double bed

Dessert sandwiches

Unexpected bulls in unexpected places

Spontaneous a capella outbreak of “Wonderwall” followed by “… *tiny voice* but I hate that song?”

Butt-shuffling down hills that are too steep

Being the *second* person across the wasp-infested log

Back-rub circles

Handlens unscrewing and falling apart in the middle of a river

Field selfies #geology4lyfe

Fault gouge smeared over face

“That’s not yoga, THIS is yoga!” *falls on face*

Accidentally mapping river gravels for two hours and getting lost

*rock falls out of cliff* *twenty people silently take one step left in unison*

I AM THE GOD OF STRATIGRAPHY!

Duct-taping your boots back together every morning

Not enough coloured pencils

Sharing water bottles

If I throw my rockhammer at this, will it stick?

“I swear, I can SEE Milankovitch cycles!” “Okay I’m cutting you off.”

Cross-sections: kink or busk?

Respected professor claims our hydrochloric acid solution is less acidic than coca cola. We dare him to drink it. HE DOES.

Hiking up a mountain on crutches. “YOLO!”

Painting Cambrian-age trilobite fossils with nail polish.

Creepy abandoned fishing villages. So many creepy abandoned fishing villages.

Student finds brachiopod fossils in an outcrop behind said creepy abandoned fishing village. Respected professor gasps and squeaks “Brachiopods??!?” and goes tearing off up a hill to find them.

Students collect so many rock samples that we can no longer see the floor of the 15 passenger van. The van floor begins to develop its own stratigraphy.

Racing the roadside moose in the 15 passenger van.

Respected professor takes both hands off of the wheel of the moving van to get a picture of the moose. Panic ensues.

Mapping an island with nothing but a Brunton compass, a field notebook, and the largest bottle of fireball whiskey money can buy.

Respected Professor singing along to “Man-Eating Trilobite”

Entire class goes to local bar and won’t stop singing local drinking song for about a week.

That one vegan student that survives off of french fries for a month.

Stealing rock samples from National Parks

Straddling the moho

Licking the moho

Peeing on mantle peridotite just to see if it fizzes

Using the same pocket knife for everything. Eating. Scratching rocks. Removing splinters. Seriously, it’s gross.

Hiking down a river only to discover the water level is MUCH HIGHER than anticipated

Nearly drowning in said river but damn it you kept your electronics DRY

“It’s not safe to drink the water. So everyone gets 2 beers per meal”.

Fitting the entire class into a single hot tub

Every lobster is named Jack Daniels. It is known.

Dr Glass: Oh, an undergrad’s just thrown his compass into the sea.

Me: is that… part of the exercise?

Dr Glass: *nonjudgmentally* well…

(an unearthly, animal roar is heard over the phone)

Dr Glass: Ah, now he’s going into the sea.

Me: …To get the compass?

Dr Glass: I think he just wants the sea to take him.

(a peaceable, nonjudgmental silence follows, with distant splashing)

The end of ME1 was uplifting with a side order of Shit, we gotta prepare.

The end of ME2 comes closest – it’s not really uplifting per se, it’s mostly dominated by a sense of relief that you’ve (hopefully) gotten most of your loved ones out alive, and you’ve delayed your impending doom by a scant few months. 

We get our first look at Kaladesh’s Gremlins with this fancy plush dice bag!