Dead or Alive

Jason: Bruce, I’ve forgiven you for not saving me, but why haven’t you killed the Joker?

Bruce: oh god is that what this is about

Bruce: Jason, there’s nothing I’d like more in the world than to kill the Joker, but unfortunately, I can’t

Jason: what, because of your principles?

Bruce: no, because whoever kills the Joker becomes the Joker

Jason: ……excuse me

Joker, tied to a chair: it’s true!! I got to be this way by killing the last guy :D

Jason: you what

Joker: oh hey I know how to explain it!!

Joker: you ever see that movie The Santa Clause? it’s just like that :D

Jason:

Sherlock: Kind, dumb, blonde, sarcastic and has served in the Army.

John: That sounds kind of like me. Too bad I'm not a girl.

Sherlock: ...did I mention dumb?

John: Yeah, you did.

Sherlock: its so dark

Eurus: don't worry, Sherlock, i've got this

[stomps feet]

John: vibe check

Sherlock:

John: Sherlock, you alright?

Sherlock:

Sherlock: *Sherlock.exe has stopped working*

Mrs Hudson: Cowardice and weak-willed men

Moriarty: Well if he's not your boyfriend, then I guess he's free for me then.

Mycroft: You’re literally making a valentine’s day card for John right now

Anderson: Because I look innocent but could actually kill you?

sherlock oneshots

_

• tricked; sherlock tricks reader by being exceptionally affectionate (fluff)

• the one where your girlfriend asks weird questions; reader asks sherlock how he'd plan her murder just to mess with him. she's surprised when he actually answers her. (fluff)

• no flirting; on a peaceful afternoon, reader plans to make sherlock blush (unintentionally). (fluff)

• champagne problems; reader turns down her boyfriend when he proposes to her as she has been in love with sherlock all this time. (angst, fluff)

• white lilies; reader accidentally confesses her feelings to sherlock and he reacts rather sweetly. but later. (fluff)

• 4 times you used nicknames for sherlock; just a collection of reader and sherlock being a super cute couple (fluff)

• my funny valentine; reader is drunk so sherlock fullfills her drunk wish of dancing (fluff)

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