red flags dressed in a trench coat

girl beloved becomes girl so wretched that i cannot think of you without fighting the urge to retch. my insides simmer with turmoil i wish i could bury the thought of you just as i have buried so many in my little plot

you ask so much of me and none of it is beautiful i want to throw up i want to stab myself repeatedly until i am quelled of desires and wants. i want to cleanse myself of the filth that is i but even swallowing bleach doesnt provide me with the desirable results. there is that word again, desire, how badly i wish to know who crafted it, i am full of it just as i am devoid of it

my desires dont exist dont matter for i want nothing for myself but they exist all the same even in its non existence i wish you'd lay me down like im dead. i wish to have a quiet funeral, i wish to depart unmourned. i wish you'd stop jabbing me with your forked tongue, i no longer wish to move

i wonder if im capable of feeling the ache of anything at all

my fragmented emotions, how i tire of piecing you together

is there a receptor for emotions just like there is for pain