broken valentines

I think since the day I met you, I knew I would love you. I don’t mean in any particular kind of way. There was just a feeling under my skin, and I was scared of it for a while. That’s why I lied to you when we were in the car. That’s why I lied to myself when you asked me if I was in love with you.

He scarcely raised his voice.

In fact, I never heard much from him at all.

But of course none of it’s true.

Every ill feeling I hold,

how he neglected to parent me as a child,

it’s unreasonable.

He insists, I’m wrong.

He convinces me, I’m wrong.

I convince myself I'm wrong.

He did nothing wrong.

I mistrust every emotion I have.

All my thoughts are wrong.

It’s only later,

when I feel the stabbing silence of my father in another man,

I will be reminded that the hole in my chest is undoubtedly real.

but you remind me of someone who shattered me,