that guy was most definitely a university student

*cancels plans* sorry i can’t come i’m ugly

hell yeah i’m a catholic i’ve been addicted to cats my whole life

this advertising is so effective that it made me want to go buy a brand that’s been defunct for 40-something years

The loudest noise in the world is the gasp you hear in an Infinity War screening when everyone thinks Tony Stark has been killed.

this bitch (me) is so unproductive!! like !! put down ur phone and do ur work!!

“i can’t go downstairs, there are people there” sounds like a completely logical statement until you try to explain it to someone who doesn’t have any kind of anxiety

why get a boyfriend when you can get a pack of really nice pens

“you’re so polite!” thank you i have anxiety

just found out there’s a fetish thing called fin-dom where rich people get off on sending vast amounts of money to people who verbally abuse them and hey just sayin if you’re into that hmu, i got a paypal and i’m mean

Please don’t take your pets for granted. Even if you’re frustrated that your dog has been barking all day or your bird has been screaming for attention, remember you are all they have in this world. Give your fish that extra water change. Give your dog or cat that tummy rub they’ve been begging for. Chop up some fresh fruit as a treat for your rodents or reptiles. Just spend some time with them. Be compassionate to your animals. They are living creatures that are alive simply because you wish them to be. They may only be a small part in your life, but to them, you are their everything.