My whump blog

Teto pants, hunched over the toilet bowl, supported by aching elbows against the seat.

"I can't keep doing this to myself.." She mutters, wiping vomit from her lips with a grimace. Finally feeling stable, Teto stands and carries herself on shaky legs through to her bedroom.

A breath of air finally fills her lungs as she undoes the corset around her waist and sets it aside. next, she pulls off her dress over her head. She winces as she catches her own eye in the mirror leaning against hr dresser. Her ribs are showing. Her waist is so thin that at this point she's surprised there's still organs inside.

Pushing past the urge to vomit again, she pulls a thick beige hoodie over her and pulls shorts to her hips. she can't help but sigh as she lets her hair down then leaves all of her show clothes in a pile on a chair by the door, for washing.

The calm in the house feels almost un-natural in contrast to the roaring of thousands of fans, flashing strobes, waving glowsticks and deafening music, her own voice booming across a sea of people. The quiet hiss of the kitchen hob is oddly grounding as Teto eats some food, choking down bile every so often.

A few minutes later, she can barely eat it, still feeling queasy as she chokes down her food. She turns on the TV and switches away from a broadcast of her own show as quickly as she can.

Teto pants raggedly, the breath tearing at her throat as she hunches over the toilet bowl. She retches again, feeling the porcelain press into her elbows, propped up on them.

"I can't keep doing this to myself…" She mutters, wiping vomit from her lips and chin with a grimace. Second time this week that she'd come home from a concert like this. How much longer was she going to have to do this for? She couldn't just let herself go, but this was… not sustainable.

Once Teto finally feels stable, she stands on shaky legs and carries herself out of the bathroom. Piles of mess meet her gaze when she stops for a moment, leaning on the door frame.

"I… can deal with that later. Right now I need to…" Her sentence trails off as she walks through the apartment to her bedroom and attempts a stretch before realising just how tightly her corset is wrapped around her waist. Several gasps of discomfort escape her as she lowers her arms back down. Not until she puts her hands to the ties on the front does she realise how shaky her hands are, such to the point that she can barely untie it. It takes 30 seconds, at least, just to untie it and pry it off of her.

Half of her is embarassed at the great sigh of relief releases as her waist is released from the corset, but the rational half of her knows that she's alone in this apartment. For that, Teto is grateful - she knew she'd need somewhere to escape the fans.

And the paparazzi. Oh god, the paparazzi. Every moment she was outside, at a shop or similar, she would be tailed by at least four people with cameeras. What the fuck did they even want? Surely their readers couldn't gain any interest solely from seeing her go to the supermarket to buy groceries. She'd considered asking Gumi to do it for her, but she didn't want to burden her like that.

The dress itself is all one piece, thankfully, allowing her to simply slip it off over her head. She tries her hardest to avoid her own eye in the mirror, but that only leads to her seeing her body. Emaciated is about the only word to describe it - her ribs are showing, and her waist is so thin that she's surprised there's still organs inside. As quickly as she can, Teto pulls one of her thickest hoodies over her head, a beige hoodie with her own brand logo printed, then replaces her under shorts with a baggier pair of shorts.

Another of the sacrifices she had made for this life was her hair; she had once loved the drills she wore, a staple of her personality. Now, she takes her hair out of its drills and lets it hang loose. The drills reminded her of performing, of flashing lights and roaring fans. It's much more comfortable down.

When she walks through to her living room she stops and stares at the kitchen. She could cook. Could she? Her stomach is definetely telling her that she's hungry, but her brain is telling her that it'd probably be a better idea to call Gumi to come over and cook something for her.

The phone's ringing cuts through the otherwise silent air, making Teto more and more anxious of how she's gonna ask for such a favour. Her decision time is cut short though when Gumi picks up the phone, thankfully seeming not to be in the middle of a task.

"Yeah?" Gumi's tone is light and carries its normal airiness.

"I'm uhm… I need someone to be with right now?" requests Teto, before starting to ramble as Gumi is silent for a few seconds. "I'm sorry if that's too much to ask, you don't have to I'm-"

"Teto, c'mon I'm your girlfriend I'm never gonna say no to spending time with you. Are you sick? D'you need me to pick up anything on the way there?"

"Uh- yes I'm sick-" Teto begins to say that she doesn't need anything before she's cut off.

"I'll get you some medication okay? And I'll get that pizza you like. Anyway, see you in twenty minutes. The paparazzi won't get me, promise!"

With that, Gumi hangs up leaving Teto with the feeling that Gumi had been waiting for the call. They had seen eachother immediately after the show, but she didn't know it was that obvious…

In the mean time she sinks into the sofa in her living room and gazes sideways out of the window. Every time she looks out of the floor-to-ceiling window she remembers how god-awfully expensive the place is. Good thing she's world famous, she supposes. The view outside is nice, especially when its at sunset like right now. Brightly lit cirrus clouds shine on a darkening horizon, fixating Teto's eyes for a while.

A while being twenty minutes, apparently, as Gumi makes herself known entering the place by singing loudly. She quiets once she enters the living room and sees Teto sprawled on the sofa.

"How you feeling?" is her first question.

"I'm… managing." Teto responds, feeling another wave of nausea come over her, which she has to choke down.

Gumi sweeps across the room and before she can protest, she picks up Teto in a bridal carry and plants a kiss on her cheek.

"Do you need me to cook dinner?" Gumi asks, placing herself down on the sofa with Teto now in her lap, to which Teto nods shamefully. "I'll cook dinner, you take the stomach medicine I brought and try not to throw up again okay?"

Teto simply nods again as Gumi stands up and lays teto down on the sofa sideways, throwing a blanket over her and leaving the room. Teto looks at her and smiles contently, barely reaching her weary eyes. She knows she's lucky to have someone who cares this much - a majority of people probably wouldn't want her like this. And yet here she has Gumi to pick her up after performances and cook for her.

Teto turns on the TV and switches away from her own broadcast as quickly as she can, instead going to some nature documentary to listen to while she rests. It really doesn't get any easier, this idol thing.

A matter of minutes later, Gumi enters the room and sits on the portion of the sofa not taken up by Teto, but she quickly re-arranges to have her head in Gumi's lap.

"I love you." Teto tells her, staring upward.

"I love you too. Do you think you can manage pizza right now?" Gumi responds, her airy tone not having left her.

Teto nods and sits up, then turns to face the food and scoots up next to Gumi. The food is good at least. She can taste it most of the time, but the rest of the time she's too busy swallowing down bile to taste anything.

"Is it just the normal stuff?" Gumi asks, earning a nod from Teto. "I'm gonna stay the night, just in case. If that's okay?"

"Of course it's okay Gumi…"

Teto smiles gently as they continue to eat. The more she eats the more she feels like an actual person again, strangely- and the more she feels the marks of that corset wearing off.

It's not until a while later that the two of them are done eating, and Teto can feel that she's thoroughly tired. Sleep pulls at her eyelids, dragging them downward and beckoning her to her bed. Gumi can sense this, seemingly:

"Teto, go sleep. I'll clear up okay? I'll come to bed in a few minutes."

Teto would protest, but at this point she's simply too tired. She lifts herself and drags her way toward her bedroom, then collapses into bed. It's the perfect temperature, thankfully - not too hot and not too cold - for her to lazily throw her hoodie off and bury herself underneath the covers.

A few minutes later she's joined by Gumi, who likewise crawls into bed behind her and extends an arm round her. A soft kiss on the neck is followed by Gumi gently nestling her face against Teto's neck.