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@cardeatg
If you’re butch, your body is butch. Your boobs are butch, your hips are butch, your narrow shoulders or short stature are butch. Butchness does not have to be about passing as a man or achieving that lanky teen boy androgyny that’s pushed on us. Just being as we are is butch. It’s about us making and taking our space in the world, not fitting into a narrow standard of masculinity.
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the euphemistic nonsensical phrasing of transphobia constantly gets me. like I know it's just bad faith bullshit, but just the implication of an EMT needing to do karyotype testing before treating someone is so absurd it feels like the premise of an over the top satirical comedy sketch about transphobia
During EMT training I got taught the following about trans patients:
"Sometimes you find you're going to need a different catheter size than you expected. When that happens, go get the right catheter."
That was literally it. (Aside from a sentence or two that boiled down to "if you have a problem with that, stop having a problem with that.")
personally i think it would be funny enough for the EMTs to waste a couple minutes looking around for where my penis got flung out of the car crash that im fine with the delay
Every time I have been in the hospital for a procedure where I will be naked (including at the ER when I thought I had internal bleeding), I have disclosed to the staff I was trans and they just looked at me as if I had just told them to note my favorite Pokémon on my chart.
At my first colonoscopy, one of the nurses literally said (in a friendly, non-chalant manner), "ok, cool, but we're not interested in that particular hole today".
Your lack of boundaries creates compassion fatigue which leads you to judgement
"The misconception about generosity is that you should be willing to do pretty much anything, and if you aren't, you need to change your attitude and expand yourself somehow. This is backwards. The secret to generosity is to tend to your limits. When we can say no, we no longer have to guard against what someone may ask us for, so we relax and become generous within our limits. It's limits first, and then generosity and joy arise from there. Like any form of giving, if you feel resentful or hesitant, you have not yet noticed or communicated your limit. When you feel tense about giving, look to your limits. Ask yourself, What am I afraid they will ask me for? Which is to say, What am I afraid to say no to? You also might find that when you trust yourself to stay responsible, your limits themselves relax somewhat. You learn you don't have to keep your guard up and that you can change your mind at any time."] Betty Martin, The Art of Receiving and Giving: The Wheel of Consent
It’s definitely not “do whatever you want bc nobody cares” it’s somewhere between “people don’t care as much as you think they do” and “if you want to truly do what you want you have to not care about how much other people care”
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Are they ‘trauma dumping’ or are they just discussing their life experience and you are such an asshole that you can’t stand to be confronted with information that makes you uncomfortable for 0.005 seconds???
Forgive me, I am soft and warm, but cruel and a coward, I know nothing but goodbye, goodbye
Through has got to be my least favorite way out
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there's a bias in our society where people and organizations will often talk about social issues as individual failure. poverty, obesity, mental health issues and so on get reduced to personal failures and not systemic problems. I think for the individuals who do this it's a thought ending cliche. Instead of trying to think about a new world or to think of solutions, they end their discomfort by just reducing it to individuals. For organizations and especially governments and politicians, I think it's to escape accountability. To try and solve these issues would require resources and it would just be easier to blame the people suffering from these trends. Another thought ending cliche I have seen involving any kind of social issue is just to say "it's a complex problem," or "it's a complicated issue," which often just restricts the scope of the conversation if it doesn't outright stop it.
like genuinely, what can i do to communicate to other fem people that im cool and open? without making eye contact? also maybe without risking rejection? maybe thats too lofty.... can anyone weigh in: what makes you know somebody is like friendly or safe when ur unsure? when they smile at u? should i say hi or no? what if i have no reason to say hi or nothin to say? feels like theres maybe social rules im screwing up maybe im communicating the wrong stuff w/o realizing it. maybe its them and theyre really troubled? i have certainly come off this way to other people before i bet...idk i need more information
being mixed, autistic, hot, and fem presenting is just so so so alienating and awful oh my fucking god. people are just. really mean all the time and almost nobody identifies with u on sight bc they dont know what u are ethnically, there is no obvious in group for u, and u act weird which makes insecure ppl assume its bc you hate them but u actually just have social anxiety and im super just trying to mind my business and not let shit get to me bc who cares? but like sometimes i just wish i fit in more easily. and i wish that other fem people werent traumatized so much that being mean to me makes them feel better. or probably it doesnt actually but i wish they knew how cool and friendly we could be towards eachother n how powerful we would all be if all us girlz were friends :,)
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love this incomprehensible comment on that vid I just reblogged
bell hooks mentioned going through a time in her life where she was severely depressed and suicidal and how the only way she got through it was through changing her environment: She surrounded her home with buddhas of all colors, Audre Lorde’s A Litany for Survival facing her as she wakes up, and filling the space she saw everyday with reinforcing objects and meaningful books. She asks herself each day, “What are you going to do today to resist domination?” I also really liked it when she said that in order to move from pain to power, it is crucial to engage in “an active rewriting of our lives.”
I have come to think of the suicidal impulse as the brain waving a flag to say three things:
something needs to change here
this is urgent
I don’t know how to do it
death is the ultimate metaphor for drastic change. it’s a general specific. whatever your problems are, it is very likely that dead people don’t have to deal with them. a real solution to your problems may demand a very narrow range of action that’s likely to be out of reach at this moment, but death is sold on every street corner, so it feels like a more realistic fantasy than happiness.
you don’t really want to die per se but it’s also not completely random chemicals swamping your brain for no reason. you want the pain to stop, you want to be somewhere else, you want to be someone else. it’s urgent. you don’t know how to do it. the end is not the end but a means that feels within your reach right now.
this is the wisdom of bell hooks: daily rituals of meaning and resistance and solidarity are part of slowly building a future where you can make the change you really need. and only alive people can do that. every step you take towards change and power is another step away from death.
